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AIBU?

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Original poster

to ask friend if she is going to pay my teen for cat sitting

333 replies

Perimama · 01/05/2025 01:04

Hi, a good friend of mine asked me if my teen wanted to cat sit for her while she was abroad for 10 days over Easter. My teen said yes and we assumed that it would be paid as I know she has paid other teens in the past. She lives a 5-10 min drive away so I drove my teen twice a day for 10 days to feed her cats and take care of some other house sitting stuff. She is now back from the trip and has sent a text message thanking me and my teen but no mention of pay. I wish I had asked before she went! My teen is 15 and keen to earn extra money which is why she accepted this job. Would you bring it up to the friend? I feel very awkward about it! Her teen pet sit for us a year or so ago and I left her some money in an envelope.

OP posts:
steff13 · 01/05/2025 01:06

I would have thought if she planned to pay she would have mentioned it when she made the arrangement.

Thedogscollar · 01/05/2025 01:08

Maybe she's planning on giving your teen some money the next time she sees her.

Original poster
Perimama · 01/05/2025 01:09

Thedogscollar · 01/05/2025 01:08

Maybe she's planning on giving your teen some money the next time she sees her.

Hope so!

OP posts:
T1Dmama · 01/05/2025 01:11

Send a text and say
‘I hope you had a lovely holiday. Teen DD was happy to earn some extra cash & liked your cat’

JMSA · 01/05/2025 01:16

She’s a cheeky cow! Definitely bring it up. Not only is it only fair, but it will be a good lesson for your daughter in advocating for herself!

icantfindmyphone · 01/05/2025 01:16

yes i think the favour should be like for like. you left money in an envelope. give her the chance to do the same . x

FullOfLemons · 01/05/2025 01:17

T1Dmama · 01/05/2025 01:11

Send a text and say
‘I hope you had a lovely holiday. Teen DD was happy to earn some extra cash & liked your cat’

This nails it really

I am sure it is an oversight.

Original poster
Perimama · 01/05/2025 01:19

FullOfLemons · 01/05/2025 01:17

This nails it really

I am sure it is an oversight.

Show quote history

I'm hoping it is an oversight. She is a nice person but can be a bit scatterbrained.

OP posts:
RawBloomers · 01/05/2025 01:23

I think it was a really bad idea not to discuss payment before hand. Your friend has behaved poorly but you have a duty to teach your DC how to navigate work and friendships. Not showing them how to be polite and up front about expectations and negotiate an acceptable payment really let them down.

Agree with T1Dmama's text suggestion as a way to try and nudge your friend, but also think you should be prepared to be more direct with her and to go over with your teen about how to do things in the future.

Bestfadeplans · 01/05/2025 01:23

Are you going to message and ask or just leave the ball in her court?

Original poster
Perimama · 01/05/2025 01:34

Bestfadeplans · 01/05/2025 01:23

Are you going to message and ask or just leave the ball in her court?

I am possibly meeting her for coffee on Friday. If she doesn't give me some cash to give DD I think I will say something. I agree I was foolish not to ask beforehand but it really did seem like she wanted to give my DD an opportunity to earn some money and I felt rude asking what the rate would be. I have cat sit for her in the past as a favour but she told me she often pays neighborhood teens to do it as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
Perimama · 01/05/2025 01:36

I am captain awkward when it comes to things like this!

OP posts:
FullOfLemons · 01/05/2025 01:59

Perimama · 01/05/2025 01:36

I am captain awkward when it comes to things like this!

Oh, then do text in advance

That then gives her a chance to find an envelope and go to an ATM 🙂

Chickensky · 01/05/2025 02:52

FullOfLemons · 01/05/2025 01:59

Oh, then do text in advance

That then gives her a chance to find an envelope and go to an ATM 🙂

Show quote history

I agree with this. Gives you a chance to make it a non issue before you meet and a chance for her to put it right. The PP had the perfect response.

If you want to wait till you see your friend face to face rather than text. Then be prepared to say pretty much the same thing. "I'm so glad you enjoyed your holiday. DD was very happy to look after the cats and earn the extra cash".

Don't be embarrassed about this: anyone who looks after neighbours pets gets some sort of recompense. Be that that cash (for the young), a bottle of wine, bunch of flowers.

TheHerboriste · 01/05/2025 02:59

It’s a little late. Why did you or preferably the teen not clarify this before the cat owner left town???

Original poster
Perimama · 01/05/2025 03:04

TheHerboriste · 01/05/2025 02:59

It’s a little late. Why did you or preferably the teen not clarify this before the cat owner left town???

Because she is a good friend who usually pays her teen pet sitters. And because I am awkward. But yes I should have done. Lesson learned.

OP posts:
Original poster
Perimama · 01/05/2025 03:08

Chickensky · 01/05/2025 02:52

I agree with this. Gives you a chance to make it a non issue before you meet and a chance for her to put it right. The PP had the perfect response.

If you want to wait till you see your friend face to face rather than text. Then be prepared to say pretty much the same thing. "I'm so glad you enjoyed your holiday. DD was very happy to look after the cats and earn the extra cash".

Don't be embarrassed about this: anyone who looks after neighbours pets gets some sort of recompense. Be that that cash (for the young), a bottle of wine, bunch of flowers.

Show quote history

The thing is I have already texted her a couple of days ago asking if she had a nice holiday and emphasized how much my teen liked their pet sitting job. I was the one who suggested coffee on Friday. I was hoping she would reply back saying about paying my daughter but she didn't. It would be a bit weird to send another text now. I will say something on Friday if she doesn't mention it or give me any money. I just hate these awkward situations!

OP posts:
MaryOBlige · 01/05/2025 03:10

Aww this is really rubbish of your friend. My DDs have cats and help each other out and they’re both so relieved to know they’re taken care of. Of course they don’t charge one another but they know without their set up it’s usually a costly thing! To bridge any gaps they occasionally have they are paying £12 a visit. Your friend really should have stated the terms, the arrangement
is in her interest

edit: I don’t think she has any intention of paying or would have said already, she’s a CF

BadLad · 01/05/2025 03:17

Does your DD have a bank account? If so, get her to send a “helpful” text to the friend, providing details for the transfer, as if there is no doubt at all that payment is going to be made.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 01/05/2025 03:24

Yes it should have been sorted before...

But, she is CF if she's not intending paying your daughter if she pays other teens...

Also if its literally 1/2 mile away, I'd be hoping for minimum of 10£ a day... So 100£...

If it was considerably further away that your daughter is having to travel to do this... I would expect even more for her time?

I like the idea if your daughter sending over her bank details? Even if your pal wasn't intending paying, surely this would shame her into doing so!?

Ragamuffin8 · 01/05/2025 03:27

Perimama · 01/05/2025 01:34

I am possibly meeting her for coffee on Friday. If she doesn't give me some cash to give DD I think I will say something. I agree I was foolish not to ask beforehand but it really did seem like she wanted to give my DD an opportunity to earn some money and I felt rude asking what the rate would be. I have cat sit for her in the past as a favour but she told me she often pays neighborhood teens to do it as well.

Show quote history

Given you’ve cat sat for free before, that was probably her expectation with your daughter too. It’s probably why she asked her instead of one of the teens that did it before, especially for a long break. To save her a lot of money. This should’ve been agreed at the outset.

Good luck with the meeting, I hope an agreement can be made without awkwardness.

nomas · 01/05/2025 03:30

You need to be more assertive, otherwise you’re letting down your teen, because this is your friend screwing them over.

Codlingmoths · 01/05/2025 03:31

teach your teen life skills by following up and telling her how you followed up. When my nephew was going dog sitting for a friend of dhs I made sure Dh addressed pay when making the arrangements.

SecondVerseSameAsThe1st · 01/05/2025 03:54

Ten days of twice a day cat sitting is something only a CFer would ask anyone to do as an unpaid “favour”. Cat sitters are paid well and ten days is a long time. She needs to pay your daughter and I hope she does so without much nudging. If she doesn’t pay I’d be having a blunt conversation with her.

SamkaSabrinka · 01/05/2025 03:55

nomas · 01/05/2025 03:30

You need to be more assertive, otherwise you’re letting down your teen, because this is your friend screwing them over.

Exactly.

Send her a text saying this sort of thing:

Just need to sort something out for (DD) about payment for the work she did. I’m feeling bad because I didn’t ask you what rate you usually pay teens to do this but tbf I thought you would discuss with her. It was 10 days and I brought her over twice a day to do the cat and see to other things, so 20 trips in all. Just whatever you think/have paid others would be great. Thx and I’ll get DD to send you her bank details.