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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask friend if she is going to pay my teen for cat sitting

333 replies

Perimama · 01/05/2025 01:04

Hi, a good friend of mine asked me if my teen wanted to cat sit for her while she was abroad for 10 days over Easter. My teen said yes and we assumed that it would be paid as I know she has paid other teens in the past. She lives a 5-10 min drive away so I drove my teen twice a day for 10 days to feed her cats and take care of some other house sitting stuff. She is now back from the trip and has sent a text message thanking me and my teen but no mention of pay. I wish I had asked before she went! My teen is 15 and keen to earn extra money which is why she accepted this job. Would you bring it up to the friend? I feel very awkward about it! Her teen pet sit for us a year or so ago and I left her some money in an envelope.

OP posts:
TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 01/05/2025 06:35

Text her, or next time you see her, just say 'would you like shirley's savings account datails/ my bank details (if she doesn't have a savings account) or will you be paying her in cash for looking after fluffy? I'm only asking because she's keen to buy herself a top with the money!
Or
I'm so proud of shirley, she really put in an effort looking after fluffy, and earning her own money gives her a bit of independence! How are you planning to pay her?

That way, she's going to find it very difficult to say that she wasn't planning to pay. Don't let it slide or it will become impossible to mention it and the cf will et away with it.
Plus, it's unfair on your daughter

NestEmptying · 01/05/2025 06:37

I give £10 a go to feed my three cats twice a day. £20 a day is still a bargain compared to what I would spend on professional sitters or kennels.
I get being awkward but you have to advocate for your DD.
It's not awkward to send another text after the first one. If she's forgotten then she needs reminding. Or if she's trying to get away without paying she also needs reminding!

Sorry we should have done this earlier but could we sort out paying DD for cat sitting while you were away.
I think £100 is reasonable, considering what you would have paid professionals to do the same job. Would you like to pay by cash or bank transfer?
Thanks! See you tomorrow.

doubleactionlibertycollective · 01/05/2025 06:39

She is being incredibly cheeky. We have teens coming in to feed our cats, and others come into feed ours when we’re away, and we always pay them, without question.

The only time we /they haven’t paid is when one of the adults does it and it’s more of a reciprocal arrangement.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 01/05/2025 06:40

I would definitely send a text message, how could she mistakenly think that it was a freebie, unless she is a cheeky fuck.

If she refuses to pay, it would be my hill to die on, next time anyone requests pet care discuss the price from the off.

Alacartemenu · 01/05/2025 06:43

Bananagirlc · 01/05/2025 06:09

Popping in 2 times a day is a massive commitment and I would have established beforehand the pay. I can’t believe that wasn’t discussed. I don’t think she sounds like a good friend at all and as you are not assertive about this, she will probably get away with giving a fiver. This is at least a 10 pounds a day job and your friend must know you were driving there too? She is a massive CF

Agree! I would definitely be bringing it up with friend. You'll also be teaching your daughter to assert herself if you can get over your awkwardness here.

Comewhatmay25 · 01/05/2025 06:46

I don't think you can define the terms after the fact. I would pay DD myself and chalk it up to experience

Newlittlerescue · 01/05/2025 06:47

You seem determined to leave this until Friday in the hope she has forgotten. She hasn't forgotten. She has a teen herself - she knows the right thing to do is to pay teens for their work promptly. For whatever reason, she has no intention of paying your daughter, possibly because you told her that your daughter loves cats, you did most of the heavy lifting (driving her there every day) and she didn't pay you previously. She views this as a friend-favour from you and a bit of fun for your cat-mad daughter.

You need to send a message. Mine would be:

Here is DD's bank details for the catsitting (unless you want to bring cash on Friday?). I look forward to hearing all about <Thailand> then!
Sort code: 00-00-00
Account no: 000000000

Newlittlerescue · 01/05/2025 06:49

Also, if you leave it until Friday, she'll turn up with some crappy souvenir for DD, and it will be much more awkward to ask for money as well without sounding completely ungrateful for her thoughtfulness. You'll bottle it! Do it ahead of time!

Brutalist · 01/05/2025 06:49

Reeling at twice a day for a cat!

And your petrol money for 40 x 10 minute journeys?!… that’s that about 6.5h of driving?

Original poster
Perimama · 01/05/2025 06:51

Comewhatmay25 · 01/05/2025 06:46

I don't think you can define the terms after the fact. I would pay DD myself and chalk it up to experience

I will bring it up with my friend. But if it doesn't work out I will give my daughter some compensation. However, I recently lost my job a couple of months ago and waiting to start a new one in a couple of weeks so money is tight right now. My friend knows this which makes me feel she is being extra crap about paying my daughter.

OP posts:
Everybodysinthehousetonight · 01/05/2025 06:51

I think you have to be direct, message your friend "Hi Kate, DD was hoping to buy some stuff with her cat sitting money this weekend, it would be great if you could bring it for her on Friday".

Then in future you and DD must do the deal before the work is done, rate of pay etc.

Daisy4569 · 01/05/2025 06:52

Definitely text much easier to phrase if you’re feeling awkward about it

Candleabra · 01/05/2025 06:54

Herewegosummer · 01/05/2025 05:54

Then you need to text her directly then.

Hi X. Sorry I completely forgot to ask but are you intending to pay DD for the cat sitting? She spent about X hours doing it in total.

This is good. Be direct. Lesson learned to ask up front in future. It really is bad of her to not realise ( the fact she hasn’t mentioned it is probably because she thinks she’s got a marvellous freebie). I would expect her to be difficult about this tbh, but message and find out for definite then you know where you stand.

Candleabra · 01/05/2025 06:55

You’re not the one who should feel awkward by the way. Remember- she’s made you feel like this by behaving unreasonably.

MyDeftDuck · 01/05/2025 06:55

Well, add the fact that you drove your child to feed her cats, you are both out of pocket……..or maybe your friend thinks you have an oil well in your garden and can produce your own fuel???

Ask her if everything was ok on her return, was the cat healthy? any problems with the house? are the plants dead? She might not have had time to pay your DC actually but if she doesn’t pay anything then she’s a CF who is freeloading on a friend and their DC

Genevieva · 01/05/2025 06:57

Perimama · 01/05/2025 01:34

I am possibly meeting her for coffee on Friday. If she doesn't give me some cash to give DD I think I will say something. I agree I was foolish not to ask beforehand but it really did seem like she wanted to give my DD an opportunity to earn some money and I felt rude asking what the rate would be. I have cat sit for her in the past as a favour but she told me she often pays neighborhood teens to do it as well.

Show quote history

Preempt it so she brings the cash. Just ask her nicely, as your daughter is looking forward to spending some of it at the weekend.

CanYouTurnItDown · 01/05/2025 06:58

Rather than wait till Friday when you’re going to be really awkward again and not give her a chance to put some money in an envelope as preparation, text in advance. Just say ‘Looking forward to seeing you on Friday, just wondered if you want DD’s bank details or were planning on giving her cash. She’s planning a shopping trip / saving up for (make something up if needed) and her cat sitting money is going to really help’

Eldermillennialmum · 01/05/2025 07:00

Text her before Friday and say your DD was happy to do it to earn a bit of cash and then see what she says. Even if she hadn't been planning to pay her she may give her something for it. You should really have asked in advance.

theresbeautyinwindysun · 01/05/2025 07:02

Definitely say. You are completely in the right to say. Say beforehand so she can make it right, if you leave it until the meeting it might be trickier for her to action there and then.

Original poster
Perimama · 01/05/2025 07:04

Eldermillennialmum · 01/05/2025 07:00

Text her before Friday and say your DD was happy to do it to earn a bit of cash and then see what she says. Even if she hadn't been planning to pay her she may give her something for it. You should really have asked in advance.

I agree I should have and I wish I did. But who doesn't pay a teen for 20 visits?!! She specifically asked if my teen wanted to do it rather than asking me for the favour.

OP posts:
Hdjdb42 · 01/05/2025 07:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

MrsMitford3 · 01/05/2025 07:07

@Perimama You 100% should text before friday. Do it now.

I fear your courage would dissolve in front of your friend and if you message in advance then she has a chance to bring the cash. There have been a lot of good suggestions about wording message but it needs to be very direct and to the point. No waffling or hoping.

Good luck

NetZeroZealot · 01/05/2025 07:09

start learning to be more assertive today OP!
Text your friend with bank details for payment for cat sitting or offer to pass on cash after you see her on Friday.

Neveragain35 · 01/05/2025 07:11

DeathStare · 01/05/2025 05:43

"Hey Jo, looking forward to seeing you on Friday. Will you be bringing Freda's money for cat sitting with you or would you like her bank details so you can transfer it? She was hoping to go out with her friends on Saturday and was just trying to work out if she would have enough before she confirmed"

Definitely text her beforehand- it will save you both the embarrassment. This is perfect!

BCBird · 01/05/2025 07:12

A text before Friday will hopefully prompt friend to bring payment with her.