to ask friend if she is going to pay my teen for cat sitting

[Perimama]

Hi, a good friend of mine asked me if my teen wanted to cat sit for her while she was abroad for 10 days over Easter. My teen said yes and we assumed that it would be paid as I know she has paid other teens in the past. She lives a 5-10 min drive away so I drove my teen twice a day for 10 days to feed her cats and take care of some other house sitting stuff. She is now back from the trip and has sent a text message thanking me and my teen but no mention of pay. I wish I had asked before she went! My teen is 15 and keen to earn extra money which is why she accepted this job. Would you bring it up to the friend? I feel very awkward about it! Her teen pet sit for us a year or so ago and I left her some money in an envelope.

I don't mean this unkindly OP but there is no point in blaming your friend when you made an assumption that your teen would be paid. You can argue that it was not an unreasonable assumption but it was still an assumption and now you are going to have to have a slightly awkward conversation with your friend to sort it out; a conversation you could have avoided if you had clarified the terms before your daughter agreed to pet sit the cat.

If you carry on blaming your friend rather than take responsibility you will find yourself in similar situations in the future. Having direct conversations with friends, about things like money, rarely comes easily to anyone but it's something we have to learn if we don't want to be taken advantage of. Negotiating and agreeing terms is an important lesson for your daughter too.

I hope you can sort it out otherwise you will just have to chalk it up to experience.

Oh dear

Op not feeling comfortable about asking someone about paying your teen does not mean you are social awkward. The reason you feel weird is because I guess you are aware it's sightly rude of you to ask. The fact you are preparing to ask and already saying how you will do it and be lighthearted suggests you probably aren't social awkward so please stop saying this. If she doesn't give you teen money don't ask. Have some pride. It isn't a mass fortune your child has missed out on, learn a lesson for next time and see your friend as a slight piss taker and leave it at that.

Please teach your daughter to be direct, and ask up front what her rate of pay is. If she believes the offer is below her worth, to walk away.
This is going to have to be a tough life lesson I’m afraid, but she should know that her whole life she will encounter organisations who want to under pay her. Her lesson here is to know her worth, and not waste her time with those who don’t.

I wouldn’t message the friend, but if she asked again, I’d make sure your daughter is clear on her terms.

And as a PP pointed out, it was YOUR TIME & PETROL MONEY - unbelievable!

You essentially facilitated and paid for your daughter to look after her fucking cat!

Twice a day for 10 days!

The ‘friend’ should be dying with embarrassment when this is pointed out to her - on top of your strained finances with you being between bloody jobs - what is she thinking?!

This is perfect, I think I would also add bank details

I’d expect her to give cash next time you meet. Personally I’d wait it out.

if cash isn’t forthcoming next time your teen is asked explain the charge is £5 per visit (petrol, time costs).

CF...once they have got what they want they don't want to pay. Your daughter saved her so much money and she has conveniently "forgotten." Maybe she thinks your daughter wanted to do it for free to help out. Don't do it anymore. If you don't do anything your daughter will be approached next time...a free cat sitter...wow.

Ignore my response, I like the response above

I had a similar issue lately - for a much larger responsibility for DD. She did eventually get paid after a chat but the amount was ridiculous so it won’t be an arrangement that is happening again unless fair payment is received upfront. I’d worry why she asked your dd instead of the local teens who she normally pays. Definitely call/message in advance of the meeting.

I pay teens to cat sit. I pay them £10 a visit. And leave the cash for them in advance. Your friend is an absolute CF.

She’s not paying. You’ve already messaged her a couple of times. It wasn’t discussed before hand. You sound a bit silly asking now. Pay your dd. To me £20 would be fine. She fed a cat and you even drove her there and back 😂 Pay her yourself and remember this for next time.

Are you going to text then? It’s obvious the best way is to text before you meet on Friday to give your friend a chance to bring the money. If you don’t text you are making an awkward situation even more awkward

Do ask... it is rude of your friend to have expected your teen to help without pay..

Jane,

I hope this is an oversight and not a misunderstanding. Kate and I had both assumed that the cat visit and plant watering would be paid. She made 20 visits to your house. I regret not raising this before you went away, but Kate agreed on the reasonable assumption that this would be paid. Her bank account details are : ... or you can bring cash on Friday.

I hope you understand
Me

People like her don't get embarrassed.

If it's awkward maybe give your DD £20 and text friend to tell her you've done that so she can choose to either give it you on Friday or can treat you to lunch when you meet up.

If she asks dd again in future she could say “sure I would love too, my rate is £X per hour” type of thing

But you’ve said she doesn’t normally pay you when you pet sit, so I’m guessing this is where the misunderstanding has come from. You really needed to be clear up front that your DD was expecting to be paid . I think now it’s just going to create bad feeling

£100 for cat sitting? Pardon my ignorance, but is this really the going rate?
That would be a good side hustle.

To reassure you, I’ve had lots of teen cat sitters and used to do it as a teen myself and from both sides wouldn’t expect to discuss payment in advance because it’s so obvious this is a job you pay for.

I would usually leave cash or transfer on the day of return (£10 a day if it’s someone living on the same street - our cat feeding routine is very simple! - but more if it was someone with some journey time too). And more if I’d asked for bins putting out or plant watering of course.

There was one occasion where I forgot to transfer the money immediately though - I hadn’t forgotten completely but there was an awful lot else going on and I hadn’t done it. The teen texted me a reminder after a couple of days - I felt awful, apologised and paid immediately of course and added a bit extra!! I can’t remember exactly how she worded it but it was just something like ‘have you been able to pay me yet?’ I respected her for asking!

I like the pp suggestion that you pay your daughter, and try to recoup from your friend. I know it's awkward, but just be direct. "I think you forgot to pay Izzy for the cat sitting".
You've indicated how much your daughter enjoyed it - maybe she thinks she did the girl a favour?

This covers it perfectly. I have a local teen do mine but she lives a 2 minite walk away. Always leave the cash in am envelope for her.

How much do you pay her?

Your friend is really rude. I’m a cat sitter and for those 2 visits I’d be charging £22 a day so she’s saving lots of money by not paying your daughter. Especially bad as you’re travelling to get there, it’s not even particularly close by. I’d text something like, ‘Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow. Daughter (name) has asked if you’ll bring along her wages for cat sitting. There’s some ….. (whatever) she’s got here eye on 😊. See you then. ‘

Have your teen send her the bank details to pay, or you send them. Say you're happy to take cash on Friday for her instead if preferred. Then the ball is firmly in her court of giving money or explaining why not. If she decides not to, then you'll know her character.