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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask friend if she is going to pay my teen for cat sitting

333 replies

Perimama · 01/05/2025 01:04

Hi, a good friend of mine asked me if my teen wanted to cat sit for her while she was abroad for 10 days over Easter. My teen said yes and we assumed that it would be paid as I know she has paid other teens in the past. She lives a 5-10 min drive away so I drove my teen twice a day for 10 days to feed her cats and take care of some other house sitting stuff. She is now back from the trip and has sent a text message thanking me and my teen but no mention of pay. I wish I had asked before she went! My teen is 15 and keen to earn extra money which is why she accepted this job. Would you bring it up to the friend? I feel very awkward about it! Her teen pet sit for us a year or so ago and I left her some money in an envelope.

OP posts:
HagHaggis · 01/05/2025 07:40

How much would a cattery have been?! As well as the stress of taking the cats there? She sounds like a CF. There have been some good suggestions on texts to send. I agree with getting this sorted before Friday....

OneDayIWillLearn · 01/05/2025 07:40

Oh also no one’s mum has ever asked me about cat sitting rates in advance before - I’m not saying they shouldn’t have but I don’t think it’s a particular fail on your part not to have done, don’t feel bad.

Doggymummar · 01/05/2025 07:41

I would say on Friday. Would you like to give me cash for Anna, or did she give you her bank details for a transfer.

LillyPJ · 01/05/2025 07:41

You should have discussed it beforehand. She must have assumed you were doing her a favour. There's a lesson there.

FenellaFeldman · 01/05/2025 07:42

LillyPJ · 01/05/2025 07:41

You should have discussed it beforehand. She must have assumed you were doing her a favour. There's a lesson there.

I think that the OP's text saying how much the girl enjoyed it, may make her think it was a favour.

Dawninglory · 01/05/2025 07:43

20 visits would be around £300 for a pet sitter company. She is crafty asking teens to do it all the time. Wonder what she paid the neighbours kids 🤔

Lookingtomakechanges · 01/05/2025 07:43

It can still be a learning experience for DD. Tell DD one of you should have agreed payment in advance and brainstorm how to ask for it now, politely but clearly.

QuiteUnbelievable · 01/05/2025 07:43

Op blame DD when see her* sorry too push you but dd really wants to buy something with her payment can you pay her please its absolutely shocking she's not paid her yet.

LillyPJ · 01/05/2025 07:45

Perimama · 01/05/2025 01:34

I am possibly meeting her for coffee on Friday. If she doesn't give me some cash to give DD I think I will say something. I agree I was foolish not to ask beforehand but it really did seem like she wanted to give my DD an opportunity to earn some money and I felt rude asking what the rate would be. I have cat sit for her in the past as a favour but she told me she often pays neighborhood teens to do it as well.

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If you're meeting her, you could just tell her that DD was hoping to get paid for it. Maybe point out that DD is saving up and that other people have been paid. Maybe even mention that you had to drive her over! Your friend should get the hint if she'd just forgotten.

Lookingtomakechanges · 01/05/2025 07:46

You might just tell your friend, DD was hoping there was some cash coming her way for the pet sitting. Did we get that wrong? You mentioned paying other teens in the past so we assumed it…

ThePussy · 01/05/2025 07:48

DD1 cat sat for one of our neighbours when she was about 16. Neighbour made a big thing about paying her, and gave her £10 when she came home! For two weeks!

Arancia · 01/05/2025 07:48

Perimama · 01/05/2025 01:34

I am possibly meeting her for coffee on Friday. If she doesn't give me some cash to give DD I think I will say something. I agree I was foolish not to ask beforehand but it really did seem like she wanted to give my DD an opportunity to earn some money and I felt rude asking what the rate would be. I have cat sit for her in the past as a favour but she told me she often pays neighborhood teens to do it as well.

Show quote history

If you can accept doing a job, it's not awkward to bring up the topic of payment and rates. You really should be teaching your child to never accept doing work before a discussion of payment and amount having taken place first. It'll prevent her from being taken advantage of and underpaid in future jobs.

QuiteUnbelievable · 01/05/2025 07:48

No friend with a pet would expect this for free.

That's a dreadful way to impose on friends.

Op do as above, make friend pay her even if she had no intention too.

I pay 15 a day for cattery where cat sits in small cage and gets fed and petted. Unfortunately our one teen cat sitter goes away a lot I pay her alot when she's here because it keeps my cat in the comfort of her own home!!

Hi,DD is so excited to buy something with her money are you going too pay her cash or bank transfer don't fill silence and wait for her to respond. If she's got the gall to suggest it was for free say oh no DD will be devestsed.... she's so proud she's actually working and doing a job??

Again let it hang

TammyJones · 01/05/2025 07:49

MaryOBlige · 01/05/2025 03:10

Aww this is really rubbish of your friend. My DDs have cats and help each other out and they’re both so relieved to know they’re taken care of. Of course they don’t charge one another but they know without their set up it’s usually a costly thing! To bridge any gaps they occasionally have they are paying £12 a visit. Your friend really should have stated the terms, the arrangement
is in her interest

edit: I don’t think she has any intention of paying or would have said already, she’s a CF

Edited

Agree
as you did it as a favour last time , she’ll expect the same from your dd.

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 01/05/2025 07:50

Perimama · 01/05/2025 04:27

I'm glad you made a good friend out of your neighbour!

I am going to wait until Friday when I see her to see if she gives me the money. It could be that is what she planned all along. If she doesn't mention anything by the time we are saying goodbye, I will try and mention it in a lighthearted way. I am a bit socially awkward so I am already feeling stressed about it!😅

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You need to step up for your daughter.
Don't text, don't wait until the end of your meet-up.
Myself and others have given you tips on what to say. It isn't hard

prelovedusername · 01/05/2025 07:51

Text her this

“Hey friend, feeling a bit awkward raising this but DD has told me she didn’t find the envelope with her payment for cat sitting.

Would you mind having another look in case it’s slipped down somewhere?

Looking forward to catching up on Friday!”

Divebar2021 · 01/05/2025 07:52

She’s definitely a knob for ripping off a teenager. Who does that? Especially when she’s had to be driven there. I’ve used a couple of teenage girls to babysit for my DD and feed my cat when we’re away. I raise the rates in both scenarios because they’re really embarrassed to raise it with me… and I get that because they don’t know me very well. For the record I pay £10 a day… the “professional” I’ve used charges £18 at peak times I think… less at other times. I would probably say “ oh I forgot to give you xxxxx bank details for the transfer or were you going to give her cash”?

Springhassprungxx · 01/05/2025 07:56

FenellaFeldman · 01/05/2025 07:37

How much do you pay her?

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£3.75 per visit so £7.50 a day which she is v happy with.

Flamethrowers · 01/05/2025 07:57

Remind her otherwise it will sit over you for life as I silently seethe over people who have done me over.

the going rate is a tenner a day and my kids drop by briefly twice a Day to feed cats. Ten pounds an hour to dog sit. Of course she should pay a minimum of a tenner per day.

1apenny2apenny · 01/05/2025 07:57

OP please meet this head on and teach/show your daughter not to become a walkover. Help your DD to recognise her worth and show that discussing money/payment is normal.

When you meet your friend say to her that your DD thought xyz payment was reasonable and perhaps make a joke about not charging her for you driving your DD there and back. If your friend doesn’t pay then I would be making it clear that your DD won’t be doing it again. Also speak up if your friend only offers a paltry amount.

WhiskerPatrol · 01/05/2025 07:58

What is this? I had multiple cash in hand jobs at 15 (in the 1990s), including working for friends/colleagues of my parents as well as jobs found through adverts. My mum was not involved in pay negotiations. Your DD should have sorted this out for herself in advance. Step back!

Flamethrowers · 01/05/2025 08:01

WhiskerPatrol · 01/05/2025 07:58

What is this? I had multiple cash in hand jobs at 15 (in the 1990s), including working for friends/colleagues of my parents as well as jobs found through adverts. My mum was not involved in pay negotiations. Your DD should have sorted this out for herself in advance. Step back!

I think if your daughter writes and says would you like my bank details - ten pounds a day for two visits a day and sends it to her she will find it hard to refuse and you can stay out of it .

wrongthinker · 01/05/2025 08:05

Text her: looking forward to seeing you on Friday. DD just reminded me she hasn't had her cat sitting money from you yet - could you bring it on Friday and I'll pass it on. Thanks xx

BendySpoon · 01/05/2025 08:08

BadLad · 01/05/2025 03:17

Does your DD have a bank account? If so, get her to send a “helpful” text to the friend, providing details for the transfer, as if there is no doubt at all that payment is going to be made.

Do this 👆 Be really breezy and say that you’re just letting her know the bank details and the total is £xx, daily rate of £xx.

Stowickthevast · 01/05/2025 08:11

I think you paid quite a lot for her child.

Mine has done similar for £3 a go... Still works out reasonable after 20 visits!

Obviously an adult cat sitter would charge more, but we always use trusted sitters for a long stay which are cost just over £100 for a year ( but they do stay in your house).