to ask friend if she is going to pay my teen for cat sitting

[Perimama]

Hi, a good friend of mine asked me if my teen wanted to cat sit for her while she was abroad for 10 days over Easter. My teen said yes and we assumed that it would be paid as I know she has paid other teens in the past. She lives a 5-10 min drive away so I drove my teen twice a day for 10 days to feed her cats and take care of some other house sitting stuff. She is now back from the trip and has sent a text message thanking me and my teen but no mention of pay. I wish I had asked before she went! My teen is 15 and keen to earn extra money which is why she accepted this job. Would you bring it up to the friend? I feel very awkward about it! Her teen pet sit for us a year or so ago and I left her some money in an envelope.

This isn't exactly the same situation, but perhaps similar enough to modify appropriately:
Years ago, a woman I'd recently met who was in my congregation moved across the court from me. I helped her move in and we started to develop a gradual friendship. Now, normally, I try to avoid borrowing from my neighbors, but somehow on one occasion I had no choice. So, I called my new neighbor and asked if she had some of that item that I could borrow. She didn't. No biggie. But, then, to my embarrassment, I discovered I was out of the item I had planned to use as a substitute, so I called her and explained the situation (it was the end of the month, right before payday), but she didn't have that item, either. So embarrassing. Then, unbelievably, the 3rd and final item I decided to try using was also out. This was obsurdly ridiculous. How was I going to approach her AGAIN? Well, one thing I had picked up on about her was that she had an even quirkier sense of humor than I have. So, with that in mind, I called her again and I opened the conversation with, "Ok, this is your last chance...", and proceeded to tell her what I needed. Thankfully, she burst out laughing and said she had it and would gladly let me borrow it. We have been best friends now for 40 yrs.
Since you and your best friend already have a well-established relationship, why don't you give her the opportunity to offer you some compensation first and then, if she fails to do so, try to find a humorous way to bring it to her att'n without making it uncomfortable or awkward?

I get it’s embarrassing. However if she was expecting this as a freebie, she is the one, who should feel awkward especially as you had to facilitate the cat sitting. I would send this. It doesn’t matter if she feels awkward after this text. If she wasn’t going to pay your dd this is a nudge. And if she was and it is an oversight, it’s a prompt.

I'm glad you made a good friend out of your neighbour!

I am going to wait until Friday when I see her to see if she gives me the money. It could be that is what she planned all along. If she doesn't mention anything by the time we are saying goodbye, I will try and mention it in a lighthearted way. I am a bit socially awkward so I am already feeling stressed about it!😅

I think you are making a mistake to wait until a social encounter to discuss a business matter. They are two separate things.

I will try and mention it in a lighthearted way

That is going to make it too easy for her to brush you off. If she doesn't want to pay up, she can just pretend to think you are joking.

Personally- sorry. The time to ask if it was being paid, would be before you’d done it?

I’m feeling a bit cross on your DD’s behalf! That’s a lot of effort for her to do as a free favour for YOUR friend. I would also be as awkward as you about it tbh but your friend is being a bit of a cf so I think you should send a text today along the lines suggested.

Op I really don't think you should wait for your meeting.

Be assertive on behalf of your teen

Send a clear and polite message saying sorry x can I just clarify how you are paying Bobby for the cat sitting as he is embarrassed/nervous to ask and I am just helping him learn to ask for things more clearly I'm sure you understand teens are just navigating this stuff !!

You could add. ' I said he should.have clarified pay with you first but the local catsitter is 7 a day so would that work for you '
Please don't leave this for an awkward thing to hang over your coffee

Your teen isn't a charity. I pay my catsitter your friend should.too

You have to be more direct than that. Just ask.

Hi X, I hope you had a good holiday. I should have asked prior to you going away, but could you let me know how much you intend to pay DD for the cat sitting so I can let her know?

Then if she says nothing you can follow up with why assumed she was paying.

BTW light hearted is rhe worst attempt . Especially in person if you are anxious.

Just be totally clear and say on message so it isn't awkward

If your friend is not planning on paying she is very rude and if she has.simply forgotten she needs to be more organised and will appreciate the prod

I don’t think she has any intention whatsoever of paying your teen. It should have been agreed at the time of accepting the job

How much did you leave in an envelope for her DD?
Did her DD tell her mum you paid her?

"Hey Jo, looking forward to seeing you on Friday. Will you be bringing Freda's money for cat sitting with you or would you like her bank details so you can transfer it? She was hoping to go out with her friends on Saturday and was just trying to work out if she would have enough before she confirmed"

It was a couple of years ago but I think I gave about £60 (£15 x 4 visits). Her mum thanked me personally to say her daughter was thrilled with the amount I left her. She just had to feed a couple of hamsters. My daughter had a lot more duties!

None of us like these conversations. Sorry you feel ‘socially awkward’ - but we all possibly would if such a situation had developed. I agree that message beforehand would be best. Otherwise your teen is let down and learns nothing about how to handle such situations. Also if you feel awkward you won’t need to have a face to face conversation.
I would message:

Looking forward to catching up on Friday. Pat enjoyed looking after Tiddles for your whilst you were on holiday. Please bring the cash payment with you when we meet. The local rate is £xx per day - so £xx in total. Thanks.

Then you need to text her directly then.

Hi X. Sorry I completely forgot to ask but are you intending to pay DD for the cat sitting? She spent about X hours doing it in total.

You need to coach your child to be able to say “Yes, Mrs Smith, my cat sitting rate is £10 per day. What dates will you need me.” Be assertive, not passive. Value herself.

I am captain awkward when it comes to things like this!

This is something you need to get over and it is the reason you’ve made so many assumptions. Your teen is old enough to have had this discussion with this woman and negotiated a fee and it would have been a good teaching moment if you had supported them in that.

Talk to your child and tell them tha

The whole enterprise seems misguided. The sole purpose was to earn money but that wasn’t discussed and secondly, by driving your child there and back you were doing the heavy lifting in this commitment.

You wanting to help your child is admirable but what do you think they have learnt from this? The conversation about money should have ideally happened before the conversation about tasks. Your child was doing a job but you’ve treated the enterprise as a favour and favours are often not remunerated. What this woman has paid or not paid to others in the past has no bearing on your situation. Would you have agreed to doing work without knowing what you were going to be paid?

What’s done is done but what you can do now is apologise to your child in not supporting them better. Suggest that you and your child do a follow up visit where they can articulate what they have done and can give a short feedback of the job. Which will give them (not you) the opportunity in asking for payment for their endeavours.

DD wasn’t feeling very wel and asked me to let school know she couldn’t go in. The look of panic that came across her face when I said that because she had just turned 18, it was now her responsibility . On the face of it, it was not a complex call but I offered to practice with her before the call to boost her confidence. This is the same DD that has applied for student finance, organised her own health insurance and went to Madrid last year to see Metallica etc with zero input from me.

Treat this as a teaching moment, for you both.

Send this message!

Thanks everyone. Lesson learned. It is the fact that she is a good friend that makes me feel awkward about it. I feel like she probably intends to pay my DD but it is an afterthought. I would never not pay someone right away or at least say when I can pay in person. I thought she would have the same attitude as she has teens herself. I will text her and be direct.

Popping in 2 times a day is a massive commitment and I would have established beforehand the pay. I can’t believe that wasn’t discussed. I don’t think she sounds like a good friend at all and as you are not assertive about this, she will probably get away with giving a fiver. This is at least a 10 pounds a day job and your friend must know you were driving there too? She is a massive CF

Text her and say “hiya X. Was just speaking with DD , and she has asked me to ask you if you are giving her cash or if you wanted her account details to pay into her bank for the cat sitting. Let me know. Are we still on for Friday?”

Just say “DD is wondering what her wage is for cat sitting as she’s already planning on spending it! Sorry should have asked you that when you originally asked her to do the job! Looking forward to seeing you Friday x “

I think something like this. The fact she asked your teen and not you to do it implies it’s a pocket money job.

Have your daughter type out an invoice you can give CFF on Friday?

Dear CFF

Glad you had a lovely holiday. I enjoyed taking care of Tiddles. Mum drove me over to your twice a day and Tiddles was well looked after.

Here is my invoice :

20 x £5 = £100

Could you give it to mum for me please?

Love daughter
xx

This is your friend and your DD is a teenager. If you don't ask her outright because you can't bring yourself to, then you should pay your DD. She isn't the adult here but it might teach her not to agree to anything unless she knows in advance that she will be paid.