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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher

1000 replies

SophEll · 30/04/2025 13:43

I had a night out a few weeks ago with a friend. In a bar, we were approached by a man (who had a male friend with him) who started talking to us. He seemed quite drunk, but explained he recognised me from past parents evenings. At this point, I realised who he was - he taught one of my DC at their old school (they’ve since left). Out of nowhere, he said to me ‘I always used to imagine what it would have been like to bend you over that desk’. I was speechless, my friend said ‘excuse me’ and he replied ‘joking obviously’ and we walked off. My friend couldn’t believe what we had heard.

The following Monday, I checked the schools website which confirmed he was still teaching there. I followed the complaints procedure on their website and got a fairly blunt reply which was along the lines of, ‘sorry but as this happened outside of school and at a non school event, we are unable to review your complaint’. I challenged this - said surely it’s of interest to them and again they replied and also said it is outside of the remit for the DfE, and that they’d file any further correspondence from me without responding.

I was furious, as someone like that should not be teaching children in my view. Another friend says they think I can complain straight to Ofsted and they should take it seriously. I’ve also considered writing to my local paper about the schools dismissive response.

My DH thinks I need to drop it and that I’m just stressing myself out by taking it further - he thinks he will just deny the comment and that will be that, but he’ll be suitably embarrassed not to say something like that again.

AIBU to pursue this?

OP posts:
AnnaQuayInTheUk · 30/04/2025 13:45

He's pervy, but the school are correct. This happened out of school, didn't involve children and wasn't illegal.

TimeForTeaAndToast · 30/04/2025 13:45

Yeah, it was sleazy, but I think you should let it go.

Sparkletastic · 30/04/2025 13:46

oh dear lord get over yourself

millymoo1202 · 30/04/2025 13:47

He’s a creep but nothing to do with the school

RhaenysRocks · 30/04/2025 13:47

Ridiculous of you to contact the school. He was inappropriate and lechy to a woman of his own age on a drunk night out. Nothing to indicate he behaves anything other than appropriately in school or around students and what he said to you, while obviously not ok, was not illegal or indicative of anything dangerous. Most likely the school will have quiet word but nothing official.

Thehop · 30/04/2025 13:47

It was sleazy and annoying but in no way is anything to do with his teaching. You cannot police what people think, even teachers.

itbemay1 · 30/04/2025 13:47

Eh?

Minnie798 · 30/04/2025 13:47

Sparkletastic · 30/04/2025 13:46

oh dear lord get over yourself

I agree. Bit of a sleazy comment but career ending? It shouldn't be.

Littledidsheknow · 30/04/2025 13:48

He’s a slimeball, but an outside of work slimeball.

There’s nothing to suggest he’s bad or inappropriate at work, so there’s no need to report him to his employer.

Runnersandtoms · 30/04/2025 13:49

I mean clearly he's a pervy idiot but really what teachers do in their private lives is no concern of the school as long as it'snot illegal. If he had made a comment or unwanted advance towards a teenager it'd be a different scenario. Or even if he had made this comment in a work situation eg parents evening. But drunk in a bar? Definitely nothing to do with the school.

Ellie1015 · 30/04/2025 13:49

He is a sleazy drunk. But hardly see how that requires a complaint to his work.

Goditsmemargaret · 30/04/2025 13:50

Get a grip. I thought he was going to have said something sleazy about one of the students in which case he's a threat to young people.

I'm assuming you're not a teenager. In which case it's got nothing to do with his job. I wouldn't recommend dating him however.

loropianalover · 30/04/2025 13:50

What are school supposed to do about it?

Workingonweekendssuck · 30/04/2025 13:50

Nothing to do with the school.

Mrsttcno1 · 30/04/2025 13:50

God you seriously need to get a grip OP

HuffleMyPuffle · 30/04/2025 13:51

If he'd been YOUR teacher and was talking about you as a student, then yes absolutely

Instead he's just a sleazy guy out clubbing. They're everywhere. You can't try and get them fired for making dodgy comments

SophEll · 30/04/2025 13:52

He has referenced a work occasion where children were present - surely it’s a matter for the school?!

OP posts:
TheAmusedQuail · 30/04/2025 13:53

SophEll · 30/04/2025 13:52

He has referenced a work occasion where children were present - surely it’s a matter for the school?!

He's been sleazy.

But what crime do you think he's committed?

Mountainfrog · 30/04/2025 13:53

What exactly do you want to happen to him? I worked in a bar, lots of people say really stupid things when they’re drunk, doesn’t mean they aren’t completely normal, professional people in their day to day life.

hydriotaphia · 30/04/2025 13:54

I agree with others that I don't think this comment (while super sleazy) is at all a professional or safeguarding issue.

HappyNewTaxYear · 30/04/2025 13:54

SophEll · 30/04/2025 13:52

He has referenced a work occasion where children were present - surely it’s a matter for the school?!

I agree with you, unlike the rest of the pp.

If school won’t do anything, just tell loads of people what happened. It’s not as if you’d be lying. It’ll get round.

Pyjamatimenow · 30/04/2025 13:54

I agree that it’s unnerving that someone who thinks this is acceptable behaviour is in a school but the school is right in its response. If it makes you feel better, I imagine that the head has probably made the teacher aware of your email. Excruciatingly embarrassing.

SophEll · 30/04/2025 13:55

TheAmusedQuail · 30/04/2025 13:53

He's been sleazy.

But what crime do you think he's committed?

Sexual harassment would be one to ponder, wouldn’t it? Would you like someone to come up to you and say that?

OP posts:
TheAmusedQuail · 30/04/2025 13:55

HappyNewTaxYear · 30/04/2025 13:54

I agree with you, unlike the rest of the pp.

If school won’t do anything, just tell loads of people what happened. It’s not as if you’d be lying. It’ll get round.

Yeah, seal his reputation as a real one of the lads with the kids. They'd LOVE this sort of story. I guarantee.

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