Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher

[SophEll]

I had a night out a few weeks ago with a friend. In a bar, we were approached by a man (who had a male friend with him) who started talking to us. He seemed quite drunk, but explained he recognised me from past parents evenings. At this point, I realised who he was - he taught one of my DC at their old school (they’ve since left). Out of nowhere, he said to me ‘I always used to imagine what it would have been like to bend you over that desk’. I was speechless, my friend said ‘excuse me’ and he replied ‘joking obviously’ and we walked off. My friend couldn’t believe what we had heard.

The following Monday, I checked the schools website which confirmed he was still teaching there. I followed the complaints procedure on their website and got a fairly blunt reply which was along the lines of, ‘sorry but as this happened outside of school and at a non school event, we are unable to review your complaint’. I challenged this - said surely it’s of interest to them and again they replied and also said it is outside of the remit for the DfE, and that they’d file any further correspondence from me without responding.

I was furious, as someone like that should not be teaching children in my view. Another friend says they think I can complain straight to Ofsted and they should take it seriously. I’ve also considered writing to my local paper about the schools dismissive response.

My DH thinks I need to drop it and that I’m just stressing myself out by taking it further - he thinks he will just deny the comment and that will be that, but he’ll be suitably embarrassed not to say something like that again.

AIBU to pursue this?

Nothing was ever going to happen with your complaint. There is no proof he said what he said. If it was investigated, it would be easy for him to deny he said it outright or he might have been so drunk he does not remember saying it.

You really overreacted.

In our single sex female toilets at school we have a précis of the Teacher Standards.
One of them( and I'm paraphrasing) states that the actions of any teacher should bring bring the reputation of one's school into disrepute.
It's not clear whether that means not getting kalied on a night , or muttering under ones breath when caught behind an aisle hogger in the local Aldi.

Defamation! Yes let's focus on that. Heaven forbid the man's behaviour should be called into question - by anyone anywhere.

Sexual harassment? It was a drunk chat up line in a club. Get over it. This has nothing to do with his job. He didn’t say it to a 16 year old student he found in the pub. Jesus.

I think it's sleazy but it's a bit harsh to say he shouldn't work with children. I'm not sure how the two are connected. I'd let it go to be honest.

If this is real, then you’re a tragic individual. I’d find someone reporting that as very odd. What a strange thing to do.

If you feel it is sexual harassment, then you should be contacting the police for advice, not the school.

Have you never said or done something while drunk that you regret?

Good grief, I can't believe that people have this attitude! It completely goes against section 2 of the teacher's standards. He met this woman through parents' evening, then used that connection to approach her drunk and make a sexually explicit comment. This is unprofessional and does not "demonstrate consistently high standards of personal and professional conduct[..] within and outside school". By identifying himself as a staff member at his school, he has brought the reputation of the school into disrepute and the school will absolutely want to know about it to remind him of his professional obligations and expected standards of behaviour. I am shocked that people don't know that that behaviour is not acceptable in a professional who is supposed to act as a role model to young people. Definitely report this to the school.

Because they now have no professional connection

You really wouldn't like a night out in my locals if your that horrified...

While we're at it, let's exonerate all students who harass women, the elderly or the general public on the streets, in shops, public transport or anywhere. Never mind everyone! The teachers do it and it wasn't in school, was it. Nothing to see here.

I agree with others , about it being wrong but not a school matter .
Nothing stopping you having a firm word about him and his actions and the inappropiate ness of it .

🙄

Head teacher to Mr X: 'From now on, please don't think about sex when you are on school premises or within 100m of a current or former pupil on a public highway, pavement or municipal building.'

There are a lot of appalling comments on this thread. This might be the worst.

For me I think that the issue is that he acknowledged meeting the OP at parents evening and had wanted to bend her over the desk and give her one. The implication is that he was preoccupied salivating over her during parents evenings rather than taking his job seriously and focusing on the children's progress reports. This to me, is different from joking that he fancies her now and would like to give her one. It is a subtle difference. I think that it reflects more upon his conduct during parents' evening.

I have known of both teachers and police officers having to leave positions due to compromising photos on their FB accounts (i.e. out drunk etc). In certain jobs you have to be more professional outside of work than in others.

Quite. Anyone who is that upset by a drunken chat up line shouldn't go to places where drink is served. He didn't pursue it or force himself on her he walked away.

That statement makes no sense. Word salad indeed.

Are students harassing women and the elderly? Are their teachers responsible or the school? I’m not understanding your point???

Have you never been out in a bar before? Standard behaviour from a lot of men unfortunately. Reminds me of the time I was out clubbing with young adult daughter and a bloke started chatting her up, until she pointed out he used to teach her not so long ago….

If you're in a bar there is a risk you'll come across the odd person who has had too much to drink. There's even a risk of someone trying to chat you up. If they do and you're not interested you can politely decline and they should then leave you alone.

That's all that has happened here. Teachers are allowed to have relationships and relationships all have a starting point somewhere.

I can understand your shock at what he said op. Most men - when they flirt - theyre not extremely sexual.

An overtly sexual comment can feel very violating

One time i was at a group. An old man sitting across me from me at the table stared at me and said to me "will you come back to my hotel and have sex with me".

I was shocked. I was horrified. I felt violated. I told him no. And i cried about it later.

What he said to you was disgusting.

However, its still not an issue for the school.

Theres no law against teachers flirting with parents.

Oh look OP - it would appear that you were asking for it

If you want to take this further, than approach the governors. Check the school's complaints policy and follow that.
Despite other people's comments, there is an expectation that teachers behave in a way that doesn't bring either their school or their profession into disrepute. This is both in and out of school. Whilst this guy might have been on the fringes of this, his behaviour was certainly inappropriate/sleazy and it's disappointing that the school have dismissed it so easily. Think you just have to be very grateful that your children have now left the school.

I'm surprised, given that he was referencing knowing you from his professional career, talks about bending you over his desk at parents eve etc.

So yes, it wasn't on site, you're not a child, but he was actively referencing your professional encounters, in a school, as his sex chat. That strikes me as very unprofessional, and most employers would want to know about it.