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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher

1000 replies

SophEll · 30/04/2025 13:43

I had a night out a few weeks ago with a friend. In a bar, we were approached by a man (who had a male friend with him) who started talking to us. He seemed quite drunk, but explained he recognised me from past parents evenings. At this point, I realised who he was - he taught one of my DC at their old school (they’ve since left). Out of nowhere, he said to me ‘I always used to imagine what it would have been like to bend you over that desk’. I was speechless, my friend said ‘excuse me’ and he replied ‘joking obviously’ and we walked off. My friend couldn’t believe what we had heard.

The following Monday, I checked the schools website which confirmed he was still teaching there. I followed the complaints procedure on their website and got a fairly blunt reply which was along the lines of, ‘sorry but as this happened outside of school and at a non school event, we are unable to review your complaint’. I challenged this - said surely it’s of interest to them and again they replied and also said it is outside of the remit for the DfE, and that they’d file any further correspondence from me without responding.

I was furious, as someone like that should not be teaching children in my view. Another friend says they think I can complain straight to Ofsted and they should take it seriously. I’ve also considered writing to my local paper about the schools dismissive response.

My DH thinks I need to drop it and that I’m just stressing myself out by taking it further - he thinks he will just deny the comment and that will be that, but he’ll be suitably embarrassed not to say something like that again.

AIBU to pursue this?

OP posts:
LoyalMember · 01/05/2025 09:38

'inappropriate sexual behaviour' ? In the name of f##k, he made a lewd, drunken comment. He didn't roger you with a prize marrow for Heaven's Sake...

SophEll · 01/05/2025 09:40

JasperTheDoll · 01/05/2025 09:38

If I was a parent there I wouldn't be happy that attention seekers like you are starting hate campaigns over a drunken comment that has nothing at all to do with the school, a school which you are not involved in any way with in some crazy attempt to ruin someone's career. I'd be pissed off that this may mean yet another good teacher leaving the profession and my children's education suffering because of it.

Hate campaign? Eh? I’ve done nothing of the sort.

If I had plastered this all over social media then fair enough, but that’s an OTT suggestion.

OP posts:
sandrafarringdon66 · 01/05/2025 09:40

JasperTheDoll · 01/05/2025 09:38

If I was a parent there I wouldn't be happy that attention seekers like you are starting hate campaigns over a drunken comment that has nothing at all to do with the school, a school which you are not involved in any way with in some crazy attempt to ruin someone's career. I'd be pissed off that this may mean yet another good teacher leaving the profession and my children's education suffering because of it.

You must be Andrew Tate 😨

CaptainMyCaptain · 01/05/2025 09:41

sandrafarringdon66 · 01/05/2025 09:40

You must be Andrew Tate 😨

Don't be ridiculous.

MargoLivebetter · 01/05/2025 09:45

You are still missing the point @SophEll . It isn't about whether or not the man did something wrong or not. It is about whether school can discuss their disciplinary procedures or even conversations with a member of staff with you as a third party!

Tiswa · 01/05/2025 09:51

But actually that is where the school could have handled it better - a simple thank you for letting us know regarding the complaint we will look into it potentially would have sufficed for the OP.

they didn’t need to tell her the other stuff that could have been kept internal then if asked they could have rightly said any action is confidential and they cannot let her know

Cosyblankets · 01/05/2025 09:53

If anything did happen it would be confidential

grapesandmelon · 01/05/2025 09:54

Schools do enough pacifying nonsense from current parents, you want them to start putting effort into pacifying nonsense from members of the public now too?

It is not a school or employment issue!

EstherGreenwood63 · 01/05/2025 10:00

Good for you OP. These kind of creeps deserve negative consequences for their actions. 👏🏼💐

grapesandmelon · 01/05/2025 10:02

EstherGreenwood63 · 01/05/2025 10:00

Good for you OP. These kind of creeps deserve negative consequences for their actions. 👏🏼💐

They do...but it's not their employer's duty if it's not to do with work

Thisistyresome · 01/05/2025 10:08

GeneralPeter · 30/04/2025 19:37

If you continue pretty much any behaviour it will at some point become harassment.

But what do you think OP has done so far that would meet the tests?

Causes alarm or distress or a fear of violence, or creates a hostile, degrading or humiliating environment related to a protected characteristic.

I get that you want to show you are one of the “good ones” but it helps if you know what the law is. I’m not sure why you are trying to reference the equality act, that would apply if they worked together, they don’t she about to cross to harassing in every day life. Not sure where you think harassment requires protected characteristics (most doesn’t).

She has pursued a course of conduct which amounts to harassment of another, and which she knows or ought to know amounts to harassment of the other.
Repeatedly contacting third parties to cause harm to another person crosses the threshold. She is about to make the second contact which makes it (legally) a course of conduct. Her intention is obviously to see him suffer. The governors are likely to just file it and move on but if this hits social media the teacher has the incentive to get an anti-harassment order at which point she could find herself with a civil injunction that could lead to a criminal conviction.

These cases wash up in the magistrates courts from time to time. Someone is upset by someone else then has a disproportionate reaction (social media has made this worse). It happens over things most people brush off (the normal proportionate response) but some people seem mentally incapable of handling.

SuperTrooper14 · 01/05/2025 10:08

Tiswa · 01/05/2025 09:51

But actually that is where the school could have handled it better - a simple thank you for letting us know regarding the complaint we will look into it potentially would have sufficed for the OP.

they didn’t need to tell her the other stuff that could have been kept internal then if asked they could have rightly said any action is confidential and they cannot let her know

But they are never going to do that because it's not a school-related matter! Why should they appease OP over a complaint they have no obligation to investigate? He wasn't representing the school, she's not a parent at the school. It was a matter between two adults that has been blown up into ridiculous proportions.

Growlybear83 · 01/05/2025 10:09

I’m coming to this very late but I’m a bit bewildered by the OP’s reaction. Surely the majority of women have had men make similar remarks at some point in their lives and have managed not to clutch their pearls in horror? You either laugh, make a witty response, or tell the man to piss off - not try to get him sacked from his job. I agree that it would be slightly different if the man was still teaching the OP’s child, but it’s nothing to do with the school or governors what the man said outside the school.

SophEll · 01/05/2025 10:12

Growlybear83 · 01/05/2025 10:09

I’m coming to this very late but I’m a bit bewildered by the OP’s reaction. Surely the majority of women have had men make similar remarks at some point in their lives and have managed not to clutch their pearls in horror? You either laugh, make a witty response, or tell the man to piss off - not try to get him sacked from his job. I agree that it would be slightly different if the man was still teaching the OP’s child, but it’s nothing to do with the school or governors what the man said outside the school.

No wonder men continue to behave in such a manner with a view point of ‘just laugh it off’.

Come on, it’s 2025!

OP posts:
MummytoE · 01/05/2025 10:14

SophEll · 01/05/2025 09:27

Why on earth would local parents be angry? That’s a bit OTT!

Because there is a national shortage of teachers? And your actions could result in one leaving? Also if you are talking about being ott, go look in the mirror

Leafy74 · 01/05/2025 10:15

EstherGreenwood63 · 01/05/2025 10:00

Good for you OP. These kind of creeps deserve negative consequences for their actions. 👏🏼💐

Do they deserve disproportionate consequences for their action

ilovesooty · 01/05/2025 10:17

sandrafarringdon66 · 01/05/2025 09:40

You must be Andrew Tate 😨

Don't be ridiculous

SophEll · 01/05/2025 10:20

MummytoE · 01/05/2025 10:14

Because there is a national shortage of teachers? And your actions could result in one leaving? Also if you are talking about being ott, go look in the mirror

Edited

So a national shortage of teachers means they don’t need to be responsible for their behaviour? Brilliant!

OP posts:
HuffleMyPuffle · 01/05/2025 10:21

SophEll · 01/05/2025 10:12

No wonder men continue to behave in such a manner with a view point of ‘just laugh it off’.

Come on, it’s 2025!

He didn't pursue you or try to do anything outside of make a sleazy comment and immediently backpedalled when you were obviously unimpressed!.

Tiswa · 01/05/2025 10:21

Again what is you actually want to achieve from this what outcome would suit

becsuse this isn’t worth a negative impact on his career at all

MummytoE · 01/05/2025 10:21

SophEll · 01/05/2025 10:20

So a national shortage of teachers means they don’t need to be responsible for their behaviour? Brilliant!

Its got nothing to do with his job but or his ability to teach. Grow the hell up. Just admit you want him sacked and be on with it . Victim mentality is so weird

ilovesooty · 01/05/2025 10:22

SophEll · 01/05/2025 10:20

So a national shortage of teachers means they don’t need to be responsible for their behaviour? Brilliant!

Alleged behaviour which can't even be corroborated by an independent source.

emmatherhino · 01/05/2025 10:22

SophEll · 01/05/2025 10:20

So a national shortage of teachers means they don’t need to be responsible for their behaviour? Brilliant!

But it's nothing to do with his job!!! That's what almost everyone is trying to tell you!

HuffleMyPuffle · 01/05/2025 10:23

Tiswa · 01/05/2025 09:51

But actually that is where the school could have handled it better - a simple thank you for letting us know regarding the complaint we will look into it potentially would have sufficed for the OP.

they didn’t need to tell her the other stuff that could have been kept internal then if asked they could have rightly said any action is confidential and they cannot let her know

But would have been factually incorrect

ilovesooty · 01/05/2025 10:23

Of course she wants him sacked.

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