Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher

[SophEll]

I had a night out a few weeks ago with a friend. In a bar, we were approached by a man (who had a male friend with him) who started talking to us. He seemed quite drunk, but explained he recognised me from past parents evenings. At this point, I realised who he was - he taught one of my DC at their old school (they’ve since left). Out of nowhere, he said to me ‘I always used to imagine what it would have been like to bend you over that desk’. I was speechless, my friend said ‘excuse me’ and he replied ‘joking obviously’ and we walked off. My friend couldn’t believe what we had heard.

The following Monday, I checked the schools website which confirmed he was still teaching there. I followed the complaints procedure on their website and got a fairly blunt reply which was along the lines of, ‘sorry but as this happened outside of school and at a non school event, we are unable to review your complaint’. I challenged this - said surely it’s of interest to them and again they replied and also said it is outside of the remit for the DfE, and that they’d file any further correspondence from me without responding.

I was furious, as someone like that should not be teaching children in my view. Another friend says they think I can complain straight to Ofsted and they should take it seriously. I’ve also considered writing to my local paper about the schools dismissive response.

My DH thinks I need to drop it and that I’m just stressing myself out by taking it further - he thinks he will just deny the comment and that will be that, but he’ll be suitably embarrassed not to say something like that again.

AIBU to pursue this?

I honestly can’t fathom why you think this would be of interest to his employer or why you are considering pushing it for the third time.

But some professions have higher standards where people hold positions of trust within the community. It's not comparable to working in a supermarket.

Seems to me like a lot of people here are have such low standards for men that they think this is somehow normal or acceptable drunk behaviour?
Or that they'd enjoy this type of thing being said to them!?
YANBU for finding it unacceptable. Some jobs actually have it in the employment contract to uphold ethical behaviour, tragic that teacher seemingly isn't one of them. But like I said unfortunately this type of thing isn't taken seriously by society.

He was out of line but it’s nothing to do with the school. To consider going to the local paper is ridiculous!

Let us know where you work Op and we can all report you for something you have done in your free time....get a grip ffs !!!

This is hilarious you think that teachers don’t have sexual desires or act on them, go out and get drunk. 😂😂😂😂 if you want your kids taught by saints then nearest your getting is catholic school ran by nuns and even then you’d have to have your fingers crossed.

It’s nothing to do with low standards, you can feel whatever you want about his comment but it still doesn’t make it relevant to his employer.

I presume you don’t think he’s attractive?

if it was Brad Pitt I bet you would’ve lapped up the attention 😂

I don't think you are being unreasonable. There will be something in the staff code of conduct about behaviour outside of work that could damage the reputation of the school or the employees own reputation.
If you made a comment on facebook about what happened, the school would respond by saying discuss this with school before posting on social media, so their reply to you is disappointing.

Nobody said its OK. Everybody thinks he's a sleaze but it's nothing to do with the school. If she starts posting about this on a teacher review website she could end up in serious trouble as that could be harrassment and defamation of character.

YABVVVU

You were at a bar with a friend - being chatted up by a pair of guys. One of whom was very drunk.

You are no longer a parent at his school.

He tried a fairly awful chat up line. Left you completely alone when you showed you were not interested.

You are completely overreacting by giving it a second thought let alone trying to hurt his career.

I can't see why you would complain to school. His behaviour doesn't indicate a risk to children or a safeguarding concern. He saw you on a night out, fancied you a bit and decided to use a terrible chat up line when v drunk. He then back tracked by saying it was a joke and that was it. The end. Nothing happened in school. There were no children present. Just two adults of consenting age who are capable of walking away from each other. One was v drunk and probably won't remember the conversation anyway! The other should just move on!

Forget about it OP!

Your DH is right- he will deny the comment and perhaps even say that you came on to him and he rejected you. His friend will likely back him up. Don't waste any more of your time dwelling on a drunken comment from someone you'll probably never cross paths with again.

I'm obviously talking about other comments that aren't about that

I do think it is appropriate to bring it up with the school.
I wouldn't expect the school to do much on one incident alone outside of school, but it might be a pattern of behaviour.

Yes OP, it's all YOUR fault. The poor man was probably drunk after all. He deserves a life! What a giggle. We all want creeps teaching in schools - what more can we expect?

To be clear, I also said it was inappropriate and lechy and I am not someone who would like it, but I'm also not going to pretend that there aren't women for whom this would be flattering. It's not for me to police other womens' standards.

You can't try to get someone fired for saying a sleazy comment in a bar .
Otherwise people would be losing jobs constantly

Do you honestly think some teachers don't have these thoughts? Granted he obviously misjudged the situation and was maybe drunk .

I think legally it's not far off. In that the teacher was out of working hours.
But it's true it's worse for a teacher or politician or policeman than a supermarket worker. Morally in any case.

Well one things for sure - his little fantasy about you and the desk, didn't involve you complaining to the school! (or maybe it did?...🤔)

@RedOrangeSky really? You honestly think that we should start tracking down people's employers now if they say something that offends us? I think this is a dangerous path to go down.

I can see the headline now; Drunk teacher makes sexist comment in local bar. Riveting.

Don't be daft OP.

Another one that asks for opinions then has an issue when the majority disagree, it was a sleazy comment but you need to get over it