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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher

1000 replies

SophEll · 30/04/2025 13:43

I had a night out a few weeks ago with a friend. In a bar, we were approached by a man (who had a male friend with him) who started talking to us. He seemed quite drunk, but explained he recognised me from past parents evenings. At this point, I realised who he was - he taught one of my DC at their old school (they’ve since left). Out of nowhere, he said to me ‘I always used to imagine what it would have been like to bend you over that desk’. I was speechless, my friend said ‘excuse me’ and he replied ‘joking obviously’ and we walked off. My friend couldn’t believe what we had heard.

The following Monday, I checked the schools website which confirmed he was still teaching there. I followed the complaints procedure on their website and got a fairly blunt reply which was along the lines of, ‘sorry but as this happened outside of school and at a non school event, we are unable to review your complaint’. I challenged this - said surely it’s of interest to them and again they replied and also said it is outside of the remit for the DfE, and that they’d file any further correspondence from me without responding.

I was furious, as someone like that should not be teaching children in my view. Another friend says they think I can complain straight to Ofsted and they should take it seriously. I’ve also considered writing to my local paper about the schools dismissive response.

My DH thinks I need to drop it and that I’m just stressing myself out by taking it further - he thinks he will just deny the comment and that will be that, but he’ll be suitably embarrassed not to say something like that again.

AIBU to pursue this?

OP posts:
GlutesthatSalute · 30/04/2025 13:56

What a disgusting man.

I'm sorry, OP. I'd be revolted to my bones and furious.

Mrsttcno1 · 30/04/2025 13:58

SophEll · 30/04/2025 13:52

He has referenced a work occasion where children were present - surely it’s a matter for the school?!

How! He hasn’t said he wants to bend a child over?

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 30/04/2025 13:59

RhaenysRocks · 30/04/2025 13:47

Ridiculous of you to contact the school. He was inappropriate and lechy to a woman of his own age on a drunk night out. Nothing to indicate he behaves anything other than appropriately in school or around students and what he said to you, while obviously not ok, was not illegal or indicative of anything dangerous. Most likely the school will have quiet word but nothing official.

This. Drop it now

RhaenysRocks · 30/04/2025 14:00

SophEll · 30/04/2025 13:55

Sexual harassment would be one to ponder, wouldn’t it? Would you like someone to come up to you and say that?

Oh come on ..you were in a bar on a night out. Do we really want to live in a world where no-one will ever approach, flirt, attempt a "chat up" line? Were you traumatised? Did he persist, following you around and pestering you or take the hint?

As to him referencing a school event he's just using that as an "in" as that's where he knows you from. It really is nothing to do with the school.

GeorgianaM · 30/04/2025 14:00

Absolutely ridiculous!

You walked away instead of telling him straight that his comment was inappropriate and unsolicited.

Running to the school and whining about such a non event is embarrassing and I expect they'll all be laughing about you in their tea break.

SophEll · 30/04/2025 14:00

RhaenysRocks · 30/04/2025 14:00

Oh come on ..you were in a bar on a night out. Do we really want to live in a world where no-one will ever approach, flirt, attempt a "chat up" line? Were you traumatised? Did he persist, following you around and pestering you or take the hint?

As to him referencing a school event he's just using that as an "in" as that's where he knows you from. It really is nothing to do with the school.

Is that what people class as an appropriate chat up line these days? Really?

OP posts:
Minnie798 · 30/04/2025 14:01

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 30/04/2025 13:59

This. Drop it now

Id actually think someone pursuing this with school was a bit unhinged.

Swissmeringue · 30/04/2025 14:01

I opened this assuming he was going to have been sleazy towards a student, in which case absolutely report him.

But YABU, he hit on you (a fellow adult), you rejected him, he accepted that and walked away. It's got absolutely nothing to do with his employer.

TheAmusedQuail · 30/04/2025 14:01

SophEll · 30/04/2025 13:55

Sexual harassment would be one to ponder, wouldn’t it? Would you like someone to come up to you and say that?

Who else could be in trouble for that?

Policeman? On my truncheon luv
Nurse? I'll do a quick examination
Doctor? Let me use my stethoscope
Lawyer? I'll use the judges gavel
Plumber? Let me check your pipes

Doncarlos · 30/04/2025 14:01

What outcome would you expect from the school OP? What was the intention of your complaint?

RhaenysRocks · 30/04/2025 14:02

No not at all, but you brush it off and walk away. Some people might actually like the implication that they're so fuckable. Blokes have always tried it on, it's not new.

Ponderingwindow · 30/04/2025 14:02

You got hit on at a bar. It was a clumsy and crass line. The man holds no interest for you and there was no fallout from you not responding positively.

This is not a reportable incident. you are being absolutely unreasonable.

There are teachers who commit actual sexual crimes. The schools have real things to worry about.

JHound · 30/04/2025 14:03

I have no idea why you think the school would police their staff member for something outside of work UNLESS it impacted their ability to do their job.

I would move on from it. If every pervy man lost their job the male unemployment rate would soar.

Teanbiscuits33 · 30/04/2025 14:04

I don’t understand why you get the idea this has anything to do with his work at all? It’s inappropriate, but 1) he made the comment to you, an adult. 2) he was drunk, and 3) it was in a bar. You’re being totally ridiculous. He said an adult thing to another adult.

If someone worked at Tesco and said sexual things to you in a bar, would you report them to their work because they’re around the public all day? Come on!

GoPissGirl · 30/04/2025 14:04

It is sexual harassment but unfortunately society doesn't take that seriously at the moment!

Thewholeplaceglitters · 30/04/2025 14:04

Doncarlos · 30/04/2025 14:01

What outcome would you expect from the school OP? What was the intention of your complaint?

This is the relevant point. What do you expect the school to do, about something - legal tho grim - an employee did in their own time, towards another adult with no current association to the school? It’s not sackable. The school are right & you need to let it go.

MargoLivebetter · 30/04/2025 14:05

You are definitely BU.

Man in bar hits on woman with tragic, unwelcome and inappropriate chat up line. Woman in bar researches his place of work and lets his employer know! Since when was that a thing? You are both adults and this occurred in your private time and his.

I'd have been equally repulsed and would have told him where to take his gross chat up lines but I certainly wouldn't be telling his employer. I might have even told the barman that he was making me feel uncomfortable and to get him moved on. Did you tell the bar staff @SophEll ?

What did you think the school were going to do about it @SophEll ? Even if they did do something, they certainly shouldn't discuss it with you as they'd be in all sorts of legal HR trouble, if they did.

BoyDoIMissSecrets · 30/04/2025 14:06

How was it harassment?

He said one thing, was pulled up on it, then wandered off. He didn’t repeatedly come on to you, stalk you bother you in any other way.

Im beginning to think this is a wind up in all honesty.

Teanbiscuits33 · 30/04/2025 14:07

GoPissGirl · 30/04/2025 14:04

It is sexual harassment but unfortunately society doesn't take that seriously at the moment!

Harassment involves repeated patterns of behaviour.

howdoyoudooooo · 30/04/2025 14:07

He made an ill judged sleazy comment and then backtracked and walked away when he realised he’d got it wrong.

Why do you think this should be a career-ending and reputation-destroying incident?

HuffleMyPuffle · 30/04/2025 14:08

SophEll · 30/04/2025 13:52

He has referenced a work occasion where children were present - surely it’s a matter for the school?!

He didn't say in front of the kids either ...

BankHolidayBonanza · 30/04/2025 14:09

SophEll · 30/04/2025 13:52

He has referenced a work occasion where children were present - surely it’s a matter for the school?!

you are clutching at straws here..
You are not even a school parent anymore!

Of course YABU

Potsofpetals · 30/04/2025 14:10

Honestly, with respect, get over yourself

He was just trying to pick you up. Being shit at pick up lines isn’t a crime.

Cantthinkofagoodnametoday · 30/04/2025 14:10

You are being totally batshit about this.

I’d have told him to fuck off but that’s it. Why on earth would you report him to his employer?!

ItGhoul · 30/04/2025 14:10

Obviously he's a twat, but what on earth do you think the school can do about it?

It happened outside school, you are an adult and your child is no longer at the school.

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