Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have reacted like this to someone who won’t allow me to get a word in edgeways?

189 replies

thaigirl · 29/04/2025 23:31

I have a ‘friend’ who is the barmaid in our local. That’s how I met her. The first time she approached us for a chat as we sat in the beer garden and I immediately noticed how she loved to dominate the conversation. This is an ongoing thing with her. She enters in to a monologue and if you try to add your opinion or say anything at all she just keeps talking and gets louder for a few seconds, until you give up and just sit there going ‘uh-huh, oh, yeah, wow, yeah, uh-huh, yeah….’ whilst she rants on at you about herself. I find it incredibly rude and selfish to not allow anyone to talk and to impose yourself on them and just start off on a 20 minute presentation all about yourself.

Anyway, earlier this evening I was in the pub for a quick drink with DP after a long dog walk. I went to the bar to order and said hi, asked her how she was etc, expecting to get formalities out of the way and get our drinks quick. There was a small group of older men sitting at the bar doing things like reading the paper or just quietly drinking their pints. She immediately starts telling me about her ex husband and over sharing what I would think were quite private details at the top of her voice. The regulars stare awkwardly in to their drinks. Ten minutes in and she still hasn’t asked for my drink order and she’s still talking.
I tried to interject and tell her about my experience with her topic of conversation and she just cut me off time and time again. I was getting increasingly annoyed so started up to say something again and when she cut me off I made a loud noise. Think Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber 🥴
She stopped talking and said ‘what was that!’ I told her that was me losing my shit because she never lets me finish a sentence.
When I got home she messaged me to tell me that I humiliated her and she’s really upset with me. Was I horrible?

OP posts:
Skirtless · 29/04/2025 23:33

What’s more mysterious is that you describe her as a friend, when you clearly find her monumentally irritating.

Youremylobster86 · 29/04/2025 23:35

I have a work colleague like this, wish I had the balls to do the same thing 🤣.

BlondiePortz · 29/04/2025 23:36

Well I would not that to a friend so is she a friend? and if so why?

Ace56 · 29/04/2025 23:37

I have a friend like this. Me and our other friends have pointed it out to her a few times that she does it, and she apologises but never changes! YANBU

MonsteraDelicious · 29/04/2025 23:38

I don't think you had any other option tbh

Sunshineandblueskysalltheway · 29/04/2025 23:40

'I made a loud noise. Think Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber'

😂😂😂

JackieDaytonaLuckyBrews · 29/04/2025 23:40

I can see why she is embarrassed and I can see why you were annoyed. I think it's fair to say that she won't be talking at you (or to you) ever again now so problem solved.

Waitingfordoggo · 29/04/2025 23:42

I can’t deal with people like this- I give them a very wide berth. Sorry but I would be finding a different pub.

blandana · 29/04/2025 23:44

YABU to make a weird loud noise but YANBU to be annoyed by her.

Do you think this is more of a female trait than a male one? Of all the ‘can’t get a word in edgeways’ people I can think of that I know, they are all female.
I just wonder why this is. I could be totally wrong though.

ChaToilLeam · 29/04/2025 23:45

Hats off to you. I love a blether but she sounds extremely self obsessed and someone needed to tell her.

TwoWithCurls · 29/04/2025 23:46

maybe she’s autistic? Likely not doing it on purpose and absolutely unaware of your need to speak or how you’re likely to feel, when unable to have an actual conversation with her.

mepipesneedlagging · 29/04/2025 23:49

Barmaid? 😬 I haven't heard that term since Bullseye in the 80's 🎯🍺

RockyRogue1001 · 29/04/2025 23:49

Why not just go to a different pub?

Original poster
thaigirl · 29/04/2025 23:51

I kind of thought, as I stood there watching her talk, that to make the loud ‘most annoying noise in the world’ at her would stop her in her tracks, be amusing for me, and also make her take a long hard look at herself and why she does this thing.
And then I just did it.

But now I feel bad and I’ve clearly hurt her feelings.

OP posts:
Pandimoanymum · 29/04/2025 23:52

I have no idea what that noise sounds like but she needed to be told. I have a relative like this and it’s so frustrating to start saying something only to have them take over and go into a long monologue giving their opinion on the subject, with them actually talking over me at times, and then when they’ve finished and I finally get to say something, they look completely disinterested and clearly aren’t listening. The amount of times I’ve bitten my tongue when really I want to tell her how self centred, rude, and over-opinionated she is, is ridiculous. Being family makes it difficult because I can’t avoid her or just de-friend her. But it’s fucking annoying. So I think you were remarkably restrained and no, you weren’t horrible.

NestEmptying · 29/04/2025 23:52

blandana · 29/04/2025 23:44

YABU to make a weird loud noise but YANBU to be annoyed by her.

Do you think this is more of a female trait than a male one? Of all the ‘can’t get a word in edgeways’ people I can think of that I know, they are all female.
I just wonder why this is. I could be totally wrong though.

Nope.my brother does it. It's not just women!
He's better in person but on the phone he just rants on sometimes.

Original poster
thaigirl · 29/04/2025 23:53

RockyRogue1001 · 29/04/2025 23:49

Why not just go to a different pub?

Because it’s our local and it’s 500 years old and has atmosphere, unlike the other sterile establishment in the village. I love that pub.

OP posts:
Avatartar · 29/04/2025 23:59
  1. hi can I have a glass of wine please need to be your first words to her
  2. whip an airhorn out of your bag and blast it when she’s heading into monologue
  3. get someone else to go to the bar
Original poster
thaigirl · 30/04/2025 00:03

That’s the noise! It’s like an airhorn that never stops, thank you for helping me think how to describe it.

I might actually take your advice and just get a little one and keep it in my bag. Maybe she’ll see the funny side eventually and I’ll get to use my airhorn every time we stop in for a drink.

OP posts:
raysan · 30/04/2025 00:04

blandana · 29/04/2025 23:44

YABU to make a weird loud noise but YANBU to be annoyed by her.

Do you think this is more of a female trait than a male one? Of all the ‘can’t get a word in edgeways’ people I can think of that I know, they are all female.
I just wonder why this is. I could be totally wrong though.

3 male to 1 female in my experience

memoriesofamiga · 30/04/2025 00:06

blandana · 29/04/2025 23:44

YABU to make a weird loud noise but YANBU to be annoyed by her.

Do you think this is more of a female trait than a male one? Of all the ‘can’t get a word in edgeways’ people I can think of that I know, they are all female.
I just wonder why this is. I could be totally wrong though.

Men definitely do this. Usually in a work capacity or on a topic they feel they're knowledgeable on. I know several men who do it and they're all pompous asses to a man.

HeddaGarbled · 30/04/2025 00:40

This is passive/assertive/aggressive 101.

You want to order a drink. She’s rabbiting on.

You did passive for 10 minutes, then went aggressive.

Assertive would be: “Can I stop you there and order my drinks?” and straight into your order. Then pay and go.

Boreded · 30/04/2025 00:42

thaigirl · 29/04/2025 23:51

I kind of thought, as I stood there watching her talk, that to make the loud ‘most annoying noise in the world’ at her would stop her in her tracks, be amusing for me, and also make her take a long hard look at herself and why she does this thing.
And then I just did it.

But now I feel bad and I’ve clearly hurt her feelings.

You could have been an adult about it, instead you embarrassed her in public. Good news though, you won’t have this issue again as she’s not likely to want to talk to you much anymore

SnowFrogJelly · 30/04/2025 00:45

I don’t know what Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber did…

Tbrh · 30/04/2025 03:18

thaigirl · 30/04/2025 00:03

That’s the noise! It’s like an airhorn that never stops, thank you for helping me think how to describe it.

I might actually take your advice and just get a little one and keep it in my bag. Maybe she’ll see the funny side eventually and I’ll get to use my airhorn every time we stop in for a drink.

A talking stick might be less offensive and funnier. You had quite an extreme reaction, although quite hilarious. Just apologise and say you were trying to make a point (if you actually want to be friends with her)