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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have reacted like this to someone who won’t allow me to get a word in edgeways?

189 replies

thaigirl · 29/04/2025 23:31

I have a ‘friend’ who is the barmaid in our local. That’s how I met her. The first time she approached us for a chat as we sat in the beer garden and I immediately noticed how she loved to dominate the conversation. This is an ongoing thing with her. She enters in to a monologue and if you try to add your opinion or say anything at all she just keeps talking and gets louder for a few seconds, until you give up and just sit there going ‘uh-huh, oh, yeah, wow, yeah, uh-huh, yeah….’ whilst she rants on at you about herself. I find it incredibly rude and selfish to not allow anyone to talk and to impose yourself on them and just start off on a 20 minute presentation all about yourself.

Anyway, earlier this evening I was in the pub for a quick drink with DP after a long dog walk. I went to the bar to order and said hi, asked her how she was etc, expecting to get formalities out of the way and get our drinks quick. There was a small group of older men sitting at the bar doing things like reading the paper or just quietly drinking their pints. She immediately starts telling me about her ex husband and over sharing what I would think were quite private details at the top of her voice. The regulars stare awkwardly in to their drinks. Ten minutes in and she still hasn’t asked for my drink order and she’s still talking.
I tried to interject and tell her about my experience with her topic of conversation and she just cut me off time and time again. I was getting increasingly annoyed so started up to say something again and when she cut me off I made a loud noise. Think Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber 🥴
She stopped talking and said ‘what was that!’ I told her that was me losing my shit because she never lets me finish a sentence.
When I got home she messaged me to tell me that I humiliated her and she’s really upset with me. Was I horrible?

OP posts:
Crinkleybottomburger · 30/04/2025 23:07

I think you’re a legend. Airhorn! I don’t know how some folk reach adulthood without any self reflection. There’s enough known about all sorts of conditions for all of us to ask ourselves, ‘do I do that? Is that me?’, these are my thoughts when 2 lovely, old friends of mine start talking. Next time I’m going to airhorn them.

TheFatCatsWhiskers1 · 30/04/2025 23:12

Simplynotsimple · 30/04/2025 20:23

My ex monologues at me, he has a severe case of ‘this one time at band camp’ syndrome as I call it. No matter how the conversation starts (only around the children on my end), it turns into an eternity being spoken at about him/his life. He’s 99.9% certainly autistic (not just based on the monologues but there is a lot of difficulty with understanding social communication).

How you reacted to it though, is utterly bizarre. I’m not sure at all where the ‘hilarity’ that others are seeing is at. You have been an absolute wet lettuce, refuse to straight out say ‘mate you’re going on now, can we just have our order’ or avoid the pub, then turn it up to 11 with a ridiculous vocal reaction? It’s embarrassing for everyone involved.

One of mine had ‘this one time at band camp’ syndrome too. I remember early on in the relationship thinking ‘this is really quite annoying’ while simultaneously thinking ‘I’ll never get tired of your stories 😍’. Well, I did. Lesson learned.

Ilovecleaning · 01/05/2025 17:46

Skirtless · 29/04/2025 23:33

What’s more mysterious is that you describe her as a friend, when you clearly find her monumentally irritating.

The fact that she put “friend” in inverted commas should have made that clear.

Tonkie18 · 01/05/2025 18:01

thaigirl · 29/04/2025 23:31

I have a ‘friend’ who is the barmaid in our local. That’s how I met her. The first time she approached us for a chat as we sat in the beer garden and I immediately noticed how she loved to dominate the conversation. This is an ongoing thing with her. She enters in to a monologue and if you try to add your opinion or say anything at all she just keeps talking and gets louder for a few seconds, until you give up and just sit there going ‘uh-huh, oh, yeah, wow, yeah, uh-huh, yeah….’ whilst she rants on at you about herself. I find it incredibly rude and selfish to not allow anyone to talk and to impose yourself on them and just start off on a 20 minute presentation all about yourself.

Anyway, earlier this evening I was in the pub for a quick drink with DP after a long dog walk. I went to the bar to order and said hi, asked her how she was etc, expecting to get formalities out of the way and get our drinks quick. There was a small group of older men sitting at the bar doing things like reading the paper or just quietly drinking their pints. She immediately starts telling me about her ex husband and over sharing what I would think were quite private details at the top of her voice. The regulars stare awkwardly in to their drinks. Ten minutes in and she still hasn’t asked for my drink order and she’s still talking.
I tried to interject and tell her about my experience with her topic of conversation and she just cut me off time and time again. I was getting increasingly annoyed so started up to say something again and when she cut me off I made a loud noise. Think Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber 🥴
She stopped talking and said ‘what was that!’ I told her that was me losing my shit because she never lets me finish a sentence.
When I got home she messaged me to tell me that I humiliated her and she’s really upset with me. Was I horrible?

She’s neurodivergent. ADHD possibly autism.

theonlygirl · 01/05/2025 18:12

I find people like this fascinating, I mean it's amazing the way they can just talk and you literally cannot participate. They also don't seem to care at all that they are boring people to death. I think it's a bit of mental illness tbf.

laraitopbanana · 01/05/2025 18:16

Skirtless · 29/04/2025 23:33

What’s more mysterious is that you describe her as a friend, when you clearly find her monumentally irritating.

She wrote « friend » though.

op, we all have our fav pub but honestly change it for the sake of your sanity.

Mackerelfillets · 01/05/2025 18:28

Don't feel bad. She's using you as a sounding board to decompress. Its extremely rude and in her working environment very unprofessional. She might not realise she's doing it.

Cariadm · 01/05/2025 18:31

thaigirl · 29/04/2025 23:51

I kind of thought, as I stood there watching her talk, that to make the loud ‘most annoying noise in the world’ at her would stop her in her tracks, be amusing for me, and also make her take a long hard look at herself and why she does this thing.
And then I just did it.

But now I feel bad and I’ve clearly hurt her feelings.

I have not seen the film Dumb and Dumber that you mentioned and have no clue as to what the noise you made might be although my imagination is working overtime! 😱
Please put me out of my misery and explain!! 🙄

Topseyt123 · 01/05/2025 18:36

I can see why you did what you did because people like this are incredibly irritating and lacking in self awareness. 🙄

What I don't understand however, is why you began engaging her in conversation when you knew with certainty what would happen. I'd just have said something like "Hi X, a pint of beer and a glass of red wine please!" Then just left it at that while she hopefully served me. Your DH must have been absolutely gasping for his drink by the time you got back to the table. 🤣

Nikki75 · 01/05/2025 18:38

thaigirl · 29/04/2025 23:51

I kind of thought, as I stood there watching her talk, that to make the loud ‘most annoying noise in the world’ at her would stop her in her tracks, be amusing for me, and also make her take a long hard look at herself and why she does this thing.
And then I just did it.

But now I feel bad and I’ve clearly hurt her feelings.

🤣😂😂 when you pop into the pub next just say you dont let me get a word in edgeways be honest she might need the honesty .

YouLookNiceJackie · 01/05/2025 18:40

I know someone like this. He will just talk over you mid sentence and it's usually conspiracy crap or massively embellished stories. I had had enough once and said "sorry, did the middle of my conversation interrupt the start of yours?!" He looked embarrassed and made some excuse up that his brain is wired to be three steps ahead 🙄. He soon went back to doing it.

catlover123456789 · 01/05/2025 19:06

Youremylobster86 · 29/04/2025 23:35

I have a work colleague like this, wish I had the balls to do the same thing 🤣.

I did it yesterday. Sick of not being allowed a word in edgeways and the final straw being cut off midway through a question, I had to say something. Not my proudest moment but I got respect for the remainder of the call. Just say something (but practice first so you say it calmly).

WhatNoRaisins · 01/05/2025 19:10

To be honest whenever I see an OP posting about how people are always interrupting them I can't help but wonder if they could be one of the people like the "friend" here. Like yes they are being interrupted but they've left the other person with no other option apart from the 'most annoying noise in the world' of course.

Cherrysoup · 01/05/2025 19:29

CeaselesslyIntoThePast · 30/04/2025 13:07

There’s a lot more socially inept idiots than people with autism. If you hear hooves, you expect horses, not zebras.

Show quote history

Occam’s Razor. I love it!

ConnieHeart · 01/05/2025 19:35

blandana · 29/04/2025 23:44

YABU to make a weird loud noise but YANBU to be annoyed by her.

Do you think this is more of a female trait than a male one? Of all the ‘can’t get a word in edgeways’ people I can think of that I know, they are all female.
I just wonder why this is. I could be totally wrong though.

I used to work with a guy like this. He'd interrupt but his voice would be so loud he'd completely take over the conversation. He was a friend of mine so after him doing it a few times if he ever did it to me again I'd point to my mouth and say "lips moving, still talking!" He found it quite funny

Oh and YANBU

littlemisspigg · 01/05/2025 19:41

thaigirl · 29/04/2025 23:31

I have a ‘friend’ who is the barmaid in our local. That’s how I met her. The first time she approached us for a chat as we sat in the beer garden and I immediately noticed how she loved to dominate the conversation. This is an ongoing thing with her. She enters in to a monologue and if you try to add your opinion or say anything at all she just keeps talking and gets louder for a few seconds, until you give up and just sit there going ‘uh-huh, oh, yeah, wow, yeah, uh-huh, yeah….’ whilst she rants on at you about herself. I find it incredibly rude and selfish to not allow anyone to talk and to impose yourself on them and just start off on a 20 minute presentation all about yourself.

Anyway, earlier this evening I was in the pub for a quick drink with DP after a long dog walk. I went to the bar to order and said hi, asked her how she was etc, expecting to get formalities out of the way and get our drinks quick. There was a small group of older men sitting at the bar doing things like reading the paper or just quietly drinking their pints. She immediately starts telling me about her ex husband and over sharing what I would think were quite private details at the top of her voice. The regulars stare awkwardly in to their drinks. Ten minutes in and she still hasn’t asked for my drink order and she’s still talking.
I tried to interject and tell her about my experience with her topic of conversation and she just cut me off time and time again. I was getting increasingly annoyed so started up to say something again and when she cut me off I made a loud noise. Think Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber 🥴
She stopped talking and said ‘what was that!’ I told her that was me losing my shit because she never lets me finish a sentence.
When I got home she messaged me to tell me that I humiliated her and she’s really upset with me. Was I horrible?

Ha! I have a sister like this OP.
Chill
She isn't gonna change
Lump it or leave it

DirtyBird · 01/05/2025 20:02

I have a friend like this, but luckily we mainly talk on the phone as we don't live near each other. After trying a couple of times to get a word in edgewise, which she will interrupt, or talk over me, or change the subject I give up. We usually talk when I'm at home so I use that time to cook or do house tasks while she's blabbering away. As long as I say "yeah" or "uh huh" or "wow that's crazy" then she doesn't know the difference.

Grapewrath · 01/05/2025 20:11

She sounds annoying but your response was really weird. You asked how she was knowing what she’s like and that you’re not at all interested. You should’ve just ordered your drinks
You could have said ‘I’m just going to stop you as I want to order my drinks’
We all know people like this and most of us manage it without making strange noises

juless77 · 01/05/2025 20:25

Youremylobster86 · 29/04/2025 23:35

I have a work colleague like this, wish I had the balls to do the same thing 🤣.

Me too

CandyCane457 · 01/05/2025 21:25

I am laughing at the thought of you making this noise- good for you!!!

She sounds like my MIL and it drives me insane, I need to try your trick 🤣

MumTeacherofMany · 01/05/2025 21:34

I find it more odd you consider this annoying random barmaid a friend and have her number!

asrl78 · 01/05/2025 21:40

This reminds me of a friend of mine who does voluntary work in a nearby charity shop. She has a friend who always comes into the shop a few minutes before closing time and insists on chattering away when my friend is wanting to close the shop and go home. Some people just have no situational awareness and/or are completely self absorbed.

It is a bit like when I am commuting on the train and there is often a woman nearby who gets out her phone and subjects everyone in the vicinity to a sustained half hour conversation about trivial crap. Why can't people wait and have a conversation like that when they meet the person F2F?

PracticalLady · 01/05/2025 21:49

YANBU To be honest I don't know how you have stood it for so long. She needed to be told and you told her, well done. I hope she has a think about it and decides to change her behaviour.

Helen483 · 01/05/2025 22:12

turn your back on her, don't go anywhere, just turn your back overtly. If it somehow sill happens, walk away without a word.

Leaving aside that that would be appallingly rude, it isn't going to help op get her drinks is it?

Helen483 · 01/05/2025 22:17

thaigirl · 30/04/2025 20:09

I’ve just got home with the dog. I nipped in on my own this evening after a dog walk and settled in the garden before going in to order a drink and see how she was with me.

She was totally normal, like nothing ever happened. Busy monologueing away as per usual and talking over me if I tried to stop her. So weird!

Not sure if that's good or bad 😁??

Hopefully you've got some good ideas from here about how to cope with it a bit better now👍