DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

[LeahYoga]

DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere. I immediately asked DS if he knew anything about this and he told me it was his friend who used it but he hadn’t mentioned any mess afterwards.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I messaged his Mum to politely say that if her son was to visit again, I’d appreciate him cleaning up after himself if/when needed. She sent me a bit of a shitty reply (pun not intended), along the lines of I should be glad I’ve only got one DS rather than the three she has as she has to put up with all sorts as the only female in the household. Then she had the cheek to say I could have cleaned it in the time it took me to message her! With two laughing emoji’s. Which isn’t the point. No apology at all.

AIBU to tell my DS he isn’t to invite him round again?

oh no this is just awful of you 🙈

Messaging his mother is ridiculous. I would just have said next time he is round ‘right, anyone who uses the toilet please make sure you leave it as you found it’. Mention no names - he will know.
And if you have a dog get them to walk it and pick up his poo from your garden.

Because you’re a grown up and need to grow a thicker skinner? Because when we have guests round we accept that sometimes they do things that we are used to but get on with it because a decent host (especially that when it’s your child’s friend) doesn’t mention things that really don’t need mentioning.

Yes, exactly.

Very reasonable indeed. How many threads have there been over the years about work colleagues leaving toilets in a state? Well.. this is where it all begins. Living audacity, to swan off as though it was not his business. 🚽

Work colleagues ? The cleaners clean the loo at work

There were adult ways to deal with this and you took the mean way. Poor kid.

Why message his mum anyway? Whe are male issues her problem? Message his dad (obviously I’m not being serious - don’t message anyone about what someone does in the bathroom, you weirdo!)

You have come across terribly here.ok the lad shouldn't have left it like that BUT basically He will never darken your door again ever. Your DS has lost a friend and you have come across as a crazy. You have publicly outed yourself as confrontational to say the least . Your poor son. Id have said nottin !!

Teens aren't babies and some parents need to stop treating them like babies. They are perfectly capable of cleaning toilets and like you said, it isn't hard.

I will not clean up shit that doesn't belong to me or a small child.

Yes, this is definitely a valid consideration. Your son may pay the price for your annoyance.

OP does your son know you messaged friend’s mum? He’ll be mortified. What you did was really embarrassing for everyone. Very strange behaviour.

They’re not babies but they’re still very young in terms of social development - don’t be tricked into thinking they’re basically adults. They’re not.

Im pleased I’m not a germophobe who couldn’t get over something like this. Sounds like a stressful life

I can't believe that you messaged his mum. The poor kid must be so embarrassed.

So would I use the loo brush in someone else's house? Possibly, if it was easy to find. Would I use bleach etc in someone else's house? Definitely not, it's like going through someone's possessions.

They are old enough to know that you don't leave your shit for others to clean.

I'm not a germaphobe but I'm also not a teenage boys maid.

From your title I got the impression that it was a primary school kid flinging poo around the room. Not a secondary school kid who used the bathroom as normal and left a few marks from where the toilet didn’t flush it all properly. You are massively unreasonable and a control freak. Your poor son is likely embarrassed that his friend is not going to want to come to his home again. You thought you was humiliating the poor boy but instead, you’ve only humiliated yourself

I'm surprised you aren't getting more grief about having a toilet brush!.
I think it's very sweet that you think your own son would never do this! How would you know? Most people would never tell you. 😆

I have honestly never encountered skid marks of the variety that feature heavily on Mumsnet, and I have a large family. I’ve never really met a skid mark that isn’t resolved by a squirt of bleach and an extra flush ?
The Mumsnet ones always sound as if they’re made of concrete or tar or something 🤔
Usually on here , a tradesman is the culprit.

I remember years ago a woman on MN actually cried and said she was experiencing trauma because a workman had a poo in her toilet 🤣 so inconsiderate of him not to just defy gravity it’s and hold it in as he worked.

I’d have been so embarrassed if my Mum had done anything like this.
Your poor son!

I wouldn't have texted his mother.
I'd either stop him visiting or direct him towards the bleach and antibacterial wipes.
I couldn't trust him to clean a toilet brush afterwards, my toilet brush is a decorative piece, not for use, I'd be more angry if someone used my brush.

I think you did the right thing, but not having him round again is probably overkill.

She probably mentioned it to him, and he may be more careful next time.
I would give him the benefit of the doubt one more time. If he does it again, then no (maybe check the loos discretely before he leaves your house, so you can speak to him directly if need be.)

Agree with @SouthLondonMum22 , if my 7yo dd can clean her own skid marks and shit up it shouldn’t be a problem for a teenager.

All my DDs have been taught to check the toilet and clean it if they do a shit, even if it involves multiple flushes.

Before anyone starts on my 7yo DDs using bleach, she dosnt, I keep washing up liquid in the bathroom cabinet, she put some in a jug fills with hot water and pours into the toilet washing off skid marks.

This all reminds me of my DDs friend, he used several of my mothers giant 1980s sanitary pads to wipe his arse, my DF had to unblock the toilet, neither parent happy.

OP, can I give you my MIL’s number please? My Husband leaves skids in our toilet, drives me bloody mad! I think his Mum should know. TIA