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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

613 replies

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 22:49

DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere. I immediately asked DS if he knew anything about this and he told me it was his friend who used it but he hadn’t mentioned any mess afterwards.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I messaged his Mum to politely say that if her son was to visit again, I’d appreciate him cleaning up after himself if/when needed. She sent me a bit of a shitty reply (pun not intended), along the lines of I should be glad I’ve only got one DS rather than the three she has as she has to put up with all sorts as the only female in the household. Then she had the cheek to say I could have cleaned it in the time it took me to message her! With two laughing emoji’s. Which isn’t the point. No apology at all.

AIBU to tell my DS he isn’t to invite him round again?

OP posts:
JandamiHash · 29/04/2025 23:23

shuggles · 29/04/2025 23:19

@LeahYoga DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere.

This will surprise you OP, but some people use toilets for defecation.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I don't use toilet brushes. Toilet brushes are the most disgusting thing ever created and are extremely unhygienic.

Think about this logically- you are inserting something into a toilet to get it covered in shit, and then you are removing it from the toilet. In the process of doing so, it is easy for the tiny bristles to get caught on something and flick droplets of water and shit over the bathroom and yourself.

To improve the hygiene of your household, my recommendation is to get rid of your toilet brush.

Edited

Agree toilet brushes are rank. I’ve never met a stain that a squirt of bleach can’t obliterate

BaldingMum · 29/04/2025 23:24

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 23:11

Me mentioning it to him myself would be the more embarrassing option, so I don’t think that’s appropriate and a polite message to the Mum sufficed.

Your message didn’t suffice… at all.

How awkward for your DS now with his friend.

Hamandpineapplepizza · 29/04/2025 23:25

MamaLenny · 29/04/2025 23:00

I think it's poor etiquette not to clean up after yourself, but also poor etiquette to shame someone for leaving skidmarks in the toilet. So a bit of a catch 22 really.

Yes this.

Not good he left it like that, but really poor form to make a bit deal of it.

Skirtless · 29/04/2025 23:25

MamaorBruh · 29/04/2025 23:12

You actually messaged a child's mother to chastise her son about making a mess in your toilet.....you're bonkers!

This. I had to go back and doublecheck the ages

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/04/2025 23:25

I would've messaged his mum too. She may think it's a woman's job to clean shit up after boys/men old enough to do it themselves but it isn't something I'd be tolerating so I wouldn't be silently cleaning it up.

JandamiHash · 29/04/2025 23:26

Enrichetta · 29/04/2025 23:20

They are secondary age - old enough to know better and clean up after themselves! Doesn’t matter which sex. I’d be mortified if a child of mine left a host’s toilet in a filthy state.

Show quote history

Yes they’re old enough but they’re also forgetful and their brains are often made of fluff. There’d be no malice and it’s hardly the end of the world. No reason at all to be a dick to a child.

Busybeemumm · 29/04/2025 23:26

Do you want your son to have friends over or any friends at all? Would you have messaged if it was your friend or relative or any other adult?

Robinredd · 29/04/2025 23:26

shuggles · 29/04/2025 23:19

@LeahYoga DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere.

This will surprise you OP, but some people use toilets for defecation.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I don't use toilet brushes. Toilet brushes are the most disgusting thing ever created and are extremely unhygienic.

Think about this logically- you are inserting something into a toilet to get it covered in shit, and then you are removing it from the toilet. In the process of doing so, it is easy for the tiny bristles to get caught on something and flick droplets of water and shit over the bathroom and yourself.

To improve the hygiene of your household, my recommendation is to get rid of your toilet brush.

Edited

I agree with this. Toilet brushes are absolutely minging!

I remember my ex had one and there was a little pool of water underneath it that had come off the brush, revolting. I'd rather have the skiddy toilet (I don't by the way).

midlandsmummy123 · 29/04/2025 23:26

Toilet brushes are really unhygienic, I didn't realise people still use them.

AthWat · 29/04/2025 23:27

ChompinCrocodiles · 29/04/2025 23:01

If he'd fished it out and smeared it over your walls, you'd have been absolutely right to raise it.

But skid marks inside the toilet? I mean yes, it would have been polite for him to have cleaned it but your actions were awful.

If it had been a friend or colleague of your dh's instead of a friend of your ds, would you have messaged them after they left to berate them?

I presume she means inside. She doesn't actually say....

WhenDaisiesPied · 29/04/2025 23:27

The lad's mother needs to grow a spine. Letting all the men in her house walk all over her like that. She is raising little turds!

JandamiHash · 29/04/2025 23:27

pinkingshears · 29/04/2025 23:22

This reminds me of my then best friends Mum, who brought up, over dinner with her Dad & brothers there, that I 'seemed to have left some blood in their wc'. I was 12 & utterly mortified. She went on & on, & I left the table in tears. Your son (& friend) will be upset too.

Show quote history

Yes exactly and some people here think you’d have deserved the humiliation (or maybe they just hate teenage boys). Honestly some people are such miserable nasty fuckers.

JandamiHash · 29/04/2025 23:28

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/04/2025 23:25

I would've messaged his mum too. She may think it's a woman's job to clean shit up after boys/men old enough to do it themselves but it isn't something I'd be tolerating so I wouldn't be silently cleaning it up.

Would you have expected him to return and clean it himself?

MummytoE · 29/04/2025 23:29

If I were your son I would be so mortified and angry at you

LBFseBrom · 29/04/2025 23:29

Scratchingaroundinthesameoldhole · 29/04/2025 22:51

I think i would have just dealt with it, rolled eyes and laughed. I definitely would not have messaged his mum. How embarrassing

I agree.

Speak to the boy by all means but messaging his mum is not on.

AliceMcK · 29/04/2025 23:32

Agree with others ott response to message the mother.

The mothers “you should live with a house full of boys” is just enabling gross and bad behaviour. My Nan had 7 boys, they were all house trained! I grew up with 2 brothers, neither would behave this way, then again they are both “shit bricks” who won’t use other people’s toilets.

Id tell your DS the next time he has friends over he tells the to make sure they clean their shitty mess up, otherwise he’s cleaning after his friends.

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/04/2025 23:33

JandamiHash · 29/04/2025 23:28

Would you have expected him to return and clean it himself?

Show quote history

No. I'd have my child clean it since it was his friend.

waterrat · 29/04/2025 23:33

I would be sad and so cross if you messaged me like this about my teen. Kids are in a daze and forget to check a loo..it happens they don't have grown minds yet.

They are however very easily embarrassed and shamed.

If anything you could have said..hey boys do remember to check the loo is clean

I still have to remind me teen and I'm not sure he wld think to clean someone else's toilet if he was distracted.

Of course he needs teaching but not shaming like thus

324GG · 29/04/2025 23:34

JandamiHash · 29/04/2025 23:22

Not everyone is anal about poo in a toilet. Pun intended.

I always forget how poo anxiety is a real thing on MN.

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Eh? Anal about poo? What are you on about?

As you are obviously hard of reading, I will help you.

It wasn't just the poo in the toilet, it was the skid marks he left along with the crap. If it was just a flush that was needed I doubt OP would've been too bothered, just thought "lazy git". It was the fact she had to CLEAN HIS SKID MARKS off the toilet. For a teen-age boy. Vile.

MN is full of poo-apologists tonight. Weird.

JandamiHash · 29/04/2025 23:34

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/04/2025 23:33

No. I'd have my child clean it since it was his friend.

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Maybe I’m a walkover but I’d never make my child clean someone else’s shit on principle. I’d just squirt some bleach and get over it. It’s a toilet. What do you think k it’s for?

Moveoverdarlin · 29/04/2025 23:34

If I was a teenager and this happened to me I would be so upset. Mortified. I hated poohing at friends houses, I’d get really worked up about it as I had bowel issues so I’d struggle with this scenario.

I hope the other Mum hasn’t mentioned it to her son. And if she has, I hope he’s a resilient lad and not a sensitive soul that will get embarrassed.

Intranslation · 29/04/2025 23:35

Guests don't clean up

JandamiHash · 29/04/2025 23:35

324GG · 29/04/2025 23:34

Eh? Anal about poo? What are you on about?

As you are obviously hard of reading, I will help you.

It wasn't just the poo in the toilet, it was the skid marks he left along with the crap. If it was just a flush that was needed I doubt OP would've been too bothered, just thought "lazy git". It was the fact she had to CLEAN HIS SKID MARKS off the toilet. For a teen-age boy. Vile.

MN is full of poo-apologists tonight. Weird.

Show quote history

Yeah that’s still poo in the toilet.

FGS I doubt she had to lick it off, a blast of bleach is enough

And yes anal about poo in a toilet. It’s where poo belongs, it’s nothing to be offended about.

GarlicSmile · 29/04/2025 23:37

MamaorBruh · 29/04/2025 23:16

Also, my child (teen) would wipe his bum, lid down and flush. Wash hands and leave. Im pretty sure he wouldn't think to check it was all clean.
Hes also be absolutely mortified if I messaged one of his mates parents for that reason. He'd most certainly be laughed at by his pals for it too so well done, you've just managed to make your son a joke amongst his peers.

You've just reminded me how every friendship group seemed to have a member called Skids!

Presumably Skids is the boy who leaves the marks, though. The one with the toilet-policing mother would be called Bogbrush or something 😏

OP, I think it would've been better to task your son with educating his friend on the mysteries of loo cleaning.

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/04/2025 23:37

JandamiHash · 29/04/2025 23:34

Maybe I’m a walkover but I’d never make my child clean someone else’s shit on principle. I’d just squirt some bleach and get over it. It’s a toilet. What do you think k it’s for?

Show quote history

Why should I clean someone else's shit? If I could potentially just squirt some bleach and get over it, so could a teenager.