DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

[LeahYoga]

DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere. I immediately asked DS if he knew anything about this and he told me it was his friend who used it but he hadn’t mentioned any mess afterwards.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I messaged his Mum to politely say that if her son was to visit again, I’d appreciate him cleaning up after himself if/when needed. She sent me a bit of a shitty reply (pun not intended), along the lines of I should be glad I’ve only got one DS rather than the three she has as she has to put up with all sorts as the only female in the household. Then she had the cheek to say I could have cleaned it in the time it took me to message her! With two laughing emoji’s. Which isn’t the point. No apology at all.

AIBU to tell my DS he isn’t to invite him round again?

@LeahYoga

You're clearly sure you haven't been unreasonable at all so not sure why you even bothered posting.

He's a teenage boy - they don't notice stuff like that - he didn't do it on purpose & wasn't intentionally disrespectful. Your reaction was ridiculous.

Sorry but your last paragraph really made me laugh! Could he not find the toilet roll?!

I wonder if any of the responses would be different if it was a teen girl. Girls seem to be held up to a higher standard than boys and boys are taught that girls/women will just clean up after them. Girls are taught to be quiet and accept it.

This all reminds me of my DDs friend, he used several of my mothers giant 1980s sanitary pads to wipe his arse, my DF had to unblock the toilet, neither parent happy.
Classic. 😅

Yep its gross and no you shouldn't have to deal with it, but it would have been better to get your son to deal with it. Both the cleaning and having a word.
I bet the family will be chuckling about this for years to come, it will become part of their family lore, 'Hey do you remember that time when that mate of your's mum texted Mum because you left a...'

You are completely wrong to message his mum. It's unnecessary and embarrassing. 81% of people here also think this.

I said that earlier and I reckon nobody would be saying she’d deserve to be humiliated over it

I’m assuming people saying the DS should “Have a word” with his mate have never met a teenager. If I told my 11yo to talk to her mates about shot stains I think she’d sooner throw herself out of her window

Shitty reply had me 🤣

Nah you are not being unreasonable at all, basic manners!
His mums reply is mental! I'd be sweating apologies had I received such a message!

What a shame that it’s still the social norm for women to have to clear up the literal faeces of males that people are baffled it’s even an issue and that op should just clean and stfu. His parents should be teaching him these things YANBU.

@324GG And it will surprise you that most teens can clean up their own shitty skid marks, and if not, deserved to be called out on their disgusting, lazy behaviour

Perhaps the teen is more hygienic than OP, and simply decided not to use the disgusting toilet brush.

Those arguing that OP made a feminist move are forgetting that … OP texted his mum about the shit. Not his dad! Obviously it’s the woman’s fault!

Having worked a lot with teenage girls - and been one - I can confirm they are just as gross. Nobody’s parent of either sex should be texted though!

In an ideal world they would do this, but my DH occasionally fails to use the toilet brush, so I can forgive a teen. He might have been nervous to do it (kids can get nervous about weird things).

This thread has opened my eyes a bit though... decorative brush?! And I also think that brushes are pretty unhygienic - I don't know if I'd like just anybody using them as they can catch on the rim and spray grossness around.

I thought you meant shit on the walls and stuff, but in the toilet, well, it's the place for it.

Your poor ds 😳 how embarrassing this is going to be if his friend’s mum tells her son. What a nightmare you’ve been here

This might be one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. OP seriously get a very big grip.

Not only was this mega embarrassing but you actually texted another mum about this?

I despair.

Yeah I'm the kind of person who'd just tell him to clean up after himself if he wants to hang around my house.

Boo hoo if it embarrasses him, kid needs to learn as his mother clearly hasn't told him to clean up after himself.

So many mumsnet threads where people jump on women who don't want to clean up someone else's loo mess. It's bloody weird.

Yes I do wonder what rock people live under when I hear how clean women's public toilets are compared to mens and any I go into are gross

I presume the OPs husband cleans the toilet if people are going down the feminist route

@LeahYoga good for you.

I’m dying inside a little bit for you 😱.

Also, toilet brushes are repugnant inventions. Chuck some bleach on and the shit just vanishes. No faeces covered bristles pollinating your bathroom with tiny shite droplets and no little turd festering pool of water stagnating in the bog brush holder.

This. Common decency. How is that hard for PPs to understand. This isn’t a toddler who made a mess. If the mother gets defensive that’s on her for not teaching her son basis bathroom etiquette. Which is obviously an important life lesson. If she can’t manage to parent the.. let’s not be daft.. the basics and expects you to deal with the shit, that’s a her problem. I wouldn’t have the kid around again.

haha yes, but there was no toilet roll and instead of using the toilet paper my DF had put there to use ( we were poor used newspaper a lot) until he got home from work with toilet roll he found my mums pads.

I think the opposite, that she'd be judged much more harshly than a teen boy. I don't think anyone would be saying 'teen girls just don't think about things like that'.

They absolutely would. This is MN, where teen girls can do no wrong and teen boys are bizarrely hated!

I can't believe you messaged his mum. Can't you really see how embarrassing and awkward it is?
You should have asked your son to speak to his friend.

I think YABVU OP bad I would never have messaged the mum of the boy - I’m far to precious and embarrassed about these matters

id jusf pretend it never happened