DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

[LeahYoga]

DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere. I immediately asked DS if he knew anything about this and he told me it was his friend who used it but he hadn’t mentioned any mess afterwards.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I messaged his Mum to politely say that if her son was to visit again, I’d appreciate him cleaning up after himself if/when needed. She sent me a bit of a shitty reply (pun not intended), along the lines of I should be glad I’ve only got one DS rather than the three she has as she has to put up with all sorts as the only female in the household. Then she had the cheek to say I could have cleaned it in the time it took me to message her! With two laughing emoji’s. Which isn’t the point. No apology at all.

AIBU to tell my DS he isn’t to invite him round again?

I don’t believe this for a minute. No one would message a child’s Mum over this. Surely not?!

A normal mother would think dirty little bastard, squirt some bleach and flush, if still there, whizz the toilet brush round, flush again. Taking no more the 20 seconds. And then never speak of it again.

Yeah it’s gross but why would you embarrass your son, his friend, the friends mother and yourself by messaging?

It reminds me of the viral video from years ago where the Mum bursts in to her daughter’s room demanding to know ‘which one of yuz has done a shit?’ Awful.

It's definitely gross and I'd be very unimpressed but I think it was very strange to message the mum about it

Sometimes I read a thread on here and think Im definitely from a different planet

You contacted his mother to give off about the mess he left????

Seriously???

Away to lie down in a darkened room and hope the madness has passed, by time I decide to emerge

yes to this

Well you’ll give your son’s mates a very good laugh if nothing else.

If you still don’t realise that messaging the mum comes across a little unhinged, then I don’t know what else to say 🤷‍♀️

Saying it to the boy is fine - you’re not saying “CLEAN UP YOUR SHIT” but making a subtle point that he is not to leave your bathroom a mess. You could say it in a jokey way that gets the point across. Or just get your DS to keep an eye on his friends and be responsible for cleaning mess up.

Why the hell would you have laughed??

What is funny about a teenage boy leaving shit over the loo that someone else has to clean up?

I don’t think mistakes mean preteens/teens deserve to be embarrassed.

How would you feel about a dad telling his DD’s teenager female friend that she needs to clean up after herself when she uses the toilet?

Agree with this

Messaging was OTT

But why say anything? Did you not think this might have an effect on your son?

How old are they?

@LeahYoga DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere.

This will surprise you OP, but some people use toilets for defecation.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I don't use toilet brushes. Toilet brushes are the most disgusting thing ever created and are extremely unhygienic.

Think about this logically- you are inserting something into a toilet to get it covered in shit, and then you are removing it from the toilet. In the process of doing so, it is easy for the tiny bristles to get caught on something and flick droplets of water and shit over the bathroom and yourself.

To improve the hygiene of your household, my recommendation is to get rid of your toilet brush.

I'm absolutely cringing on your behalf. The kid will never forget you humiliating him, and your ds will hate you for it. I expect everyone is laughing at you.

I would be grossed out but I also wouldn’t dream of embarrassing my son or his friend like that!! Have a word with yourself

But the least embarrassing option would have been to quickly clean the shit up and forget about it.

When one of my son's mates left the loo in a similar state I used it as an opportunity to remind my son to make sure he treats other people's home with respect and leave it as clean as I expect him to leave our loo.

I can teach my own children manners and respect, but I'm not going to phone his friend's parents about their own kids - not about a skiddy toilet.

That said, if I did receive such a text I wouldn't have replied as that Mum did, I would have been very embarrassed and gone straight to my son and had a go at him.

My DD is 11 and their brains are basically cheese half the time, she does the same and I have to remind her that a flush exists! I wouldn’t dream of embarrassing her by saying something like this to her mates.

They are secondary age - old enough to know better and clean up after themselves! Doesn’t matter which sex. I’d be mortified if a child of mine left a host’s toilet in a filthy state.

Haha.

They really walk among us!

If I'd have been the mum I'd have just messaged back with a load of laughing faces.

You've embarrassed yourself and your son, you sound absolutely cuckoo!

Of course that is gross. The way to deal with it would have been getting you son to clean it up and telling his friends not to leave a loo in that state again. So weird that you messaged the boy’s mum!

This reminds me of my then best friends Mum, who brought up, over dinner with her Dad & brothers there, that I 'seemed to have left some blood in their wc'. I was 12 & utterly mortified. She went on & on, & I left the table in tears. Your son (& friend) will be upset too.

This will surprise you OP, but some people use toilets for defecation.

And it will surprise you that most teens can clean up their own shitty skid marks, and if not, deserved to be called out on their disgusting, lazy behaviour

Not everyone is anal about poo in a toilet. Pun intended.

I always forget how poo anxiety is a real thing on MN.

It's ok. I don't think you need to worry about your son inviting him back. You fixed that by messaging his mum.
I doubt your son will invite any friends over after that.

Not if you're using bleach or other toilet cleaner.
I have one of those rubbery ones. When it gets used I leave it in the loo with toilet cleaner after flushing. No poo flung anywhere.

Trust me, you're not the one on a different planet...