DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

[LeahYoga]

DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere. I immediately asked DS if he knew anything about this and he told me it was his friend who used it but he hadn’t mentioned any mess afterwards.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I messaged his Mum to politely say that if her son was to visit again, I’d appreciate him cleaning up after himself if/when needed. She sent me a bit of a shitty reply (pun not intended), along the lines of I should be glad I’ve only got one DS rather than the three she has as she has to put up with all sorts as the only female in the household. Then she had the cheek to say I could have cleaned it in the time it took me to message her! With two laughing emoji’s. Which isn’t the point. No apology at all.

AIBU to tell my DS he isn’t to invite him round again?

I can’t believe this post is real! It’s not great but contacting his mum? Who on earth would do that?

People who believe in holding teenage boys to some rock-bottom standards of decent behaviour, for one.

He's not four.

And what did OP's son ruin because he's the one who could potentially suffer the most consequences if no one wants to visit?

do you think the poor boy had an upset stomach?

Well, they'll know what not to do! And why should anyone not want to visit?

I dont understand these posts, I just don’t. Fair enough if OP had said something to the lad directly - I wouldn’t have the gall/ nerve but I would thoroughly respect and support a woman who did. but that’s not what OP did!! She didn’t hold this boy responsible / to standards at all, the person she held responsible was his mum- for the fact that her teenage son did a messy poo!!! Who does this? How is this feminism???!!!

Bonkers.

It should be embarrassing for the shitty boy and his Mum. You were right to call them out on that. No one should be expected to clean up someone else's shit unless they are very young or very old.
The Mum is clearly trying to minimise the fact that her child hasn't been taught decent behaviour.

I find it very strange how many women replying seem to think it is OPs job to clear up the mess and that it is no big deal. The boy and his mother should be mortified that this happened.

Exactly.

So many urging OP to be a good little woman and not “embarrass the lad.”

No fucking wonder so many males are growing up to be losers and undesirables.

Wind up??

Because they will probably think his mother's behaviour is batshit.

You rang his Mum to tittle tattle on him for not cleaning your toilet? How to embarrass yourself, your DS & his friend. Kids don't think about these things. I doubt very much he thought 'I'm not cleaning that. I'll leave it for xxxx mum to do' You do know his Mum will tell others about this & you're going to look a right div.

When you put it like that, it’s a great point, @Lostcat

It’s passing the issue straight back to another different woman. Would have been far nicer for @op to have had a smiling friendly word directly with the boy. Perhaps he’d left by the time she discovered the mess?

For anyone about to reply saying, ‘but it’s not her job to socialise other people’s kids!’, of course it isn’t. But it would have been a nice, tactful compromise.