DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

[LeahYoga]

DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere. I immediately asked DS if he knew anything about this and he told me it was his friend who used it but he hadn’t mentioned any mess afterwards.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I messaged his Mum to politely say that if her son was to visit again, I’d appreciate him cleaning up after himself if/when needed. She sent me a bit of a shitty reply (pun not intended), along the lines of I should be glad I’ve only got one DS rather than the three she has as she has to put up with all sorts as the only female in the household. Then she had the cheek to say I could have cleaned it in the time it took me to message her! With two laughing emoji’s. Which isn’t the point. No apology at all.

AIBU to tell my DS he isn’t to invite him round again?

You messaged a teenagers mum about leaving marks in your toilet from a shit? That is absolutely ridiculous.

I’d have told your son to clean up after his mate.

I’d be laughing if you messaged me about a bit of poo in a toilet.

Its not disrespectful FFS, these aren’t adults they’re teens/preteens and aren’t perfect and don’t always think.

Far more effective at that age to let the boys deal with it between themselves rather than telling his mum. They're not in primary school anymore.

Just shove some bleach down. Whats the bother?

The eagerness at which people want to embarrass teens is quite alarming.

I often wonder at these threads if, if a girl and a man were the subject, would people be saying as soon as she steps through the door he can lecture her about cleaning up after herself

This.

This.

the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere

Do you mean outside of the toilet bowl?

Or inside it - literally the only place it's supposed to go?

Omg you did not message his mum?! 😅

I agree it’s gross but come on.

The better thing would be to mention it to him next time he came round - “don’t leave the bathroom a mess like last time please”

You messaged his Mum? 😂

Don’t worry, he won’t want to come back and you might just be the talk of their group of friends.

He deserved to be embarrassed.

though I probably wouldn’t have messaged his mum. Probably…

You sound bonkers tbh.

massive overreaction

I’m sorry I wish i knew how to link but this thread is making me think of that video where the Mum opens the bed room door as the Kids are singing and she say “Which one doesn’t know how to flush the toilet after they’ve had a shit”. It was fuckin one o ya, DISGUSTING!!!!🤣🤣🤣

Me mentioning it to him myself would be the more embarrassing option, so I don’t think that’s appropriate and a polite message to the Mum sufficed.

You did the right thing and, as per a previous poster, that mother is unwittingly setting up another person to be her sons live in skivvy down the line. If my son behaves poorly in any way I would want to know because it means I fucked up as a parent.

This. Yeah I might have been a bit miffed / grossed out and yes ideally they should clean up after themselves, but honestly, there are bigger issues going on in the world / life to be giving so much energy to this 🤷‍♀️ Maybe just me. For the odd occasion the friend might visit and in this one instance of it happening, let it go.

You actually messaged a child's mother to chastise her son about making a mess in your toilet.....you're bonkers!

Reply back "You didn't teach your sons to clean up after themselves? 🤣🤣 sucker"

You did not message his mum. Please tell me you did not do this.

I can't believe you sent that message! And in his friends defence sometimes its easy to not realise you've left marks in the toilet if you've closed the lid to flush and not opened it up again to check.

Gross and embarrassing on your behalf.

But it isn’t polite to message someone about this, and it doesn’t at all sound like it sufficed.

OP said young teenager

Also, my child (teen) would wipe his bum, lid down and flush. Wash hands and leave. Im pretty sure he wouldn't think to check it was all clean.
Hes also be absolutely mortified if I messaged one of his mates parents for that reason. He'd most certainly be laughed at by his pals for it too so well done, you've just managed to make your son a joke amongst his peers.

Op what do you want us to say? yes gross but no I would not have messaged the parent like a lot of other people have said

do you want permission to say you were right?