DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

[LeahYoga]

DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere. I immediately asked DS if he knew anything about this and he told me it was his friend who used it but he hadn’t mentioned any mess afterwards.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I messaged his Mum to politely say that if her son was to visit again, I’d appreciate him cleaning up after himself if/when needed. She sent me a bit of a shitty reply (pun not intended), along the lines of I should be glad I’ve only got one DS rather than the three she has as she has to put up with all sorts as the only female in the household. Then she had the cheek to say I could have cleaned it in the time it took me to message her! With two laughing emoji’s. Which isn’t the point. No apology at all.

AIBU to tell my DS he isn’t to invite him round again?

Exactly.

The fact that she laughed and thinks it's normal for boys/men to be such pigs is very telling, though. Some women just have incredibly low standards, and that's how we end up with so many sub-par men.

YABU. What did your son think of you texting his friend’s mum about the state of the loo?

Next time the friend is around, I’d say something to him like “Do you need a demonstration on how to use a toilet brush.” As a mum I’d be so embrassed if my kid did that. I don’t think it’s setting a good example for him to think women will just clear up after them.

My six year old knows how to use a toilet brush. But she’s a girl so maybe she was born knowing how to do it 🙃

I can’t believe so many people have put ‘YANBU’!! How is this boy ever going to learn if his mother, and now strangers, are cleaning up his shit from the toilet? When my DS lived at home, I would make him come and clean his skiddies if he left them as I didn’t see why I should do it and felt it was disrespectful of him to expect me to.

Eew! I cannot believe his parents have raised him to be so disrespectful. You absolutely did the right thing. Shame on his family for teaching him that it is acceptable to leave a toilet like that.

No way would I have the audacity to message another mum about their teen sons toilet behaviour- it’s very odd.

As a kid, your son would be so embarrassed if you said that to his friend.

The OP is not unreasonable in thinking it's gross, but is being unreasonable making such a huge deal out of it. Messaging his mum is bonkers. Banning him is also bonkers. Mentioning it to him is bonkers.

Honestly mountain of molehill. I think you come across as totally nuts. Who on earth messages a mom to tell her her son left skid marks in her loo. Honestly you’ve made yourself sound totally nuts and don’t think you need to worry about him coming over again.

If the son is embarrassed then maybe he can quietly clean up after his friend himself?

Or do you expect the little woman to clean the shitty loo just to spare the precious feelings of two boys who probably think farting contests are hilarious, and might even send each other photos of their best poos...

One word - Idiot

I would go similarly passagg back at her

"Clear why he doesnt know how to use a bog brush! Hope you enjoy still cleaning up his skid marks when he is 60 😅😅"

Let him visit again - then have a quiet word with him about the state of the loo.
If he makes a mess again, rub his nose in it.

Your son won't be inviting anyone over ever again. Poor boy.

I would have sighed

muttered “fucks sake”

and cleaned it.

I would NOT have messaged the mother of a teenage boy to tell on him for not using a toilet brush.

I agree that this lad never coming around again would be a huge win.

I disagree that embarrassing this kid and his silly mother would be a bad thing. In fact, I sincerely believe they should be embarrassed.

And the son is better off without the example of friends like that.
Also, he will realise that his mother has a backbone and has expectations of behaviour that he should not disregard. Perhaps some time in the future when he has a serious partner, he'll remember how his mother stood up for her home, and behave in a way in his own home, with his own partner, that will make her proud.

Actually, that's a win all around in my books. I do not see the downside of insisting that nobody treats you with any sort of disrespect in your own home.

I'm the mother of four DDs though, and I care greatly about the sort of BS boys and men are allowed to get away with by their spineless, incompetent parents. I didn't send mynDDs through school and off to university just for them to end up wiping the shit of an able bodied, entitled, badly brought-up little a-hole who is old enough to know better off the toilet of a house that they paid for.

Oh Lord, I was beginning to wonder if I was doing life wrong, as I have a clean loo and a clean brush 🤦🏾‍♀️.

Thank you.

But most of the "disgusted" posts are about women cleaning up after mens shit.
My point is why is cleaning the toilet a womens job? Because surely it's just disrespectful to leave a toilet pan dirty and fuck all to do with the sex if the person cleaning it?

It’s a total lack of respect. If his mother doesn’t want to teach him how to be a decent guest, then someone else should.

This is why we have men who do this- because no one bothers to call them out on it.

I can't believe what I'm reading.😲 I would never embarrass an adult like this never mind a teenager. In what bizarre world is this normal behaviour ? Your poor son and friend must be mortified. I wouldn't mention it at all, it just doesn't bother me but I was a care assistant so it poo actually in the toilet is a big deal 😁

What if, instead, the next time the friend comes around, you take him aside and quietly say that you were unpleasantly surprised, and in the future you would expect him to clean up after himself, as your own family members would. That would likely result either in his cleaning up in the future, or being so embarrassed that he won't come back - without your having had to tell you son t ban him.

There's a dad in the house who could have cleaned the loo. No one is suggesting that cleaning loos is women's work. And the fact that teenage boys appreciate toilet humour doesn't mean that it's not very weird for your mum (or dad) to call out the mess you made in the toilet. It's not about preserving their precious feeling, it's about proportion. Not cleaning the loo could just have been a simple oversight. Imagine a world in which you were publicly called out on every mistake you made.

If the kid left the loo like that more than... I dunno... three times, I'd have a word with my son that it's a bit grim and see if we could come up with a solution together. Otherwise, I'd just suck it up. Not because I'm a 'little woman'. My teen son cooks for the whole family twice a week, he strips his own bed and cleans his own room, he irons his own clothes. I've taught him to look after himself. But I'm not a dick to his mates, and it's not my job to teach them 'respect' at this micro-level.

some of you people are fucking disgusting. it is not normal OR okay at all to leave shit in someone's toilet, that's fucking appalling. people who said they wouldn't have told his mum: you need house training. because that is fucking rank.

why is it normalised for men to be fucking incompetant on purpose, even at a young age??? her comment about having 3 boys is also ridiculous. so they all leave shit marks in the toilet?

i have maybe once or twice had to clean my shit off a toilet with a toilet brush (when i've been unwell) and the fact that this happens regularly enough for some people is genuinely very worrying.

@idkbroidkok potty mouth over there

I think you should have told the boy - not involve his mum

the amount of people on this thread complaining about the friend and his mum being ashamed - they DESERVE to be shamed! yucky people