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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

613 replies

LeahYoga · 29/04/2025 22:49

DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere. I immediately asked DS if he knew anything about this and he told me it was his friend who used it but he hadn’t mentioned any mess afterwards.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I messaged his Mum to politely say that if her son was to visit again, I’d appreciate him cleaning up after himself if/when needed. She sent me a bit of a shitty reply (pun not intended), along the lines of I should be glad I’ve only got one DS rather than the three she has as she has to put up with all sorts as the only female in the household. Then she had the cheek to say I could have cleaned it in the time it took me to message her! With two laughing emoji’s. Which isn’t the point. No apology at all.

AIBU to tell my DS he isn’t to invite him round again?

OP posts:
TheHerboriste · 30/04/2025 20:17

Pickledpoppetpickle · 30/04/2025 19:51

Am I reading this correctly? You want your son’s friend’s mum to apologise for her son shitting in your toilet?

No, for her son not cleaning up his shit. There's a difference, you know.

Hwi · 30/04/2025 20:24

Arancia · 30/04/2025 19:00

I know that. But I don't think he meant for his words to apply to shit-stained toilets...

Show quote history

I am afraid he did. He meant it to apply to much worse - Chekhov suffered from active TB and more than once he left blood-stained pillow cases at the houses of his friends where he stayed. I know, I know, it is surprising, that being a doctor he had no qualms about carrying this disease to his friends' homes, but nevertheless.

cherish123 · 30/04/2025 20:26

Hers was a rude reply but I actually can't believe you sent the message.

Alwaysinamood · 30/04/2025 20:48

He probably put the lid down then flushed and hadn’t even realised! Not everyone examines the toilet after they’ve been. Very petty messaging his mum!

Sweetheart1990 · 30/04/2025 20:49

This is awful, he's just a kid...it's not like he took a shit in your living room 🤣
It's what the toilet is for...fair enough it's not nice to have to clean it but no big deal really is it?
Your poor son might have lost a friend and the other lad is probably mortified.
Bad move on your part

Orangeoranges42 · 30/04/2025 20:49

You’ve embarrassed everyone here.

It was a one off and you don’t know how he’s been brought up I can’t imagine anyone who knows to clean the toilet after would suddenly not do it just to spite you.

I can’t believe you’ve done this. Poor KIDS!

Frenzi · 30/04/2025 20:55

I dont think you need worry about it happening again.

I think your son will be so embarrassed he is unlikely to bring friends around for an awful long time!

LondonNootropics · 30/04/2025 20:55

Omg this is hilarious 🤣 my toilet is always full of skid marks from various children, teens and adults. Do I like it? NO! Would I message one of the mums? NO WAY!!! I clean it up and let them parent their own child.

ForeverTipsy · 30/04/2025 21:05

TBH one of my ds's is usually in a world of his own. I am training them to LOOK in the toilet bowl and to use the brush + flush again before washing hands and leaving the bathroom, but if he was at a mate's house and in a rush he may forget now and then.

Can't believe you text the boy's mum about him taking a dump in your toilet tho ! Shit happens, get over it 🤣

Whatwouldnanado · 30/04/2025 21:07

Make a sign “If you’ve done a poo check the loo!”

Bestfadeplans · 30/04/2025 21:08

This has to be a joke surely? You're more concerned with a toilet i presume you clean daily anyway than you are about embarrassing your son and his friend?? Yeah its not nice what happened but I highly doubt he left it intentionally. What you've done is worse.

Thegodfatherreturns · 30/04/2025 21:18

TheHerboriste · 30/04/2025 20:17

No, for her son not cleaning up his shit. There's a difference, you know.

Show quote history

Hilarious that you think the mother is responsible for the fact that her teenage (or nearly teenage) son did not clean a toilet.

HeatherMac007 · 30/04/2025 21:20

I would absolutely be telling my son to sort this out with his friend directly or tell him he'd be responsible for any future cleans ups on his behalf.

You expect this lad to have the manners of a grown up yet when he didn't meet your expectations you messaged his mum, hardly what you'd do if he were in fact a grown man (I hope!).

YourPurpleGal · 30/04/2025 21:21

It's your home! Anyone who is a guest in your home should leave it at least as clean and tidy as when they arrived. My blood would have boiled too! I don't think you are being unreasonable in the slightest!

I wouldn't pursue it any further with the boy's mother. I'm sure I would kindly make it clear to your son that particular schoolmate is not invited to your home again! If you meet either of them, give them a smile and a pleasantry, then move on.

Lorrainedrops · 30/04/2025 21:24

Its not very nice to find a dirty toilet but in this instance I would've let it go. Boys wount think to check the toilet bowl after. If it happened again (though I can't envisage a return visit) then I would politely inform them to clean up after themselves with items provided. Thank your lucky stars that you didnt come eye to eye with a floater 😂

Weezee0409 · 30/04/2025 21:26

I think you've gone abit over board really. If he had shat on your floor or smeared shit all over the walls then I would go nuts and be messaging his mum. However he's shit in the toilet as a normal human being should and left shit on the sides! Wow that's not unusual really is it!? I'm sure you have some bleach lol I dont think my daughter would think twice about cleaning up her skid marks in the toilet in my house let alone a friends house. Kids /teenagers don't think like that until they're adults.

Thegodfatherreturns · 30/04/2025 21:26

mathanxiety · 30/04/2025 19:13

I can't believe so many - presumably women - here think you're being unreasonable.
And some of the responses here - "you're fun" : wtf?

The attitude of the lad's mother is an extremely good example of why young women these days (those who value themselves anyway) are not willing to tie themselves to barely housetrained and completely unashamed of it young men. There are cats who are cleaner.

I'd send the mother a curt "sorry you feel that way" response, and if this rude kid ever darkens your door again, I'd tell him immediately that while cleaning up after himself isnt required of him in his own house, it certainly is in your home, and he needs to leave the loo as clean as he found it. Don't hold back. He will treat you as if you have the low standards of his mother otherwise.

People are saying wtf about the fact that anyone would contact a secondary school age mother about the toilet. What is to be gained from that apart from embarrassing the mother and maybe the child and probably OPs son too? I doubt that he or probably anyone will want to visit again which might be a win for OP but probably not her son.

Velmy · 30/04/2025 21:29

Your poor lad 😭

2025willbemytime · 30/04/2025 21:31

You should google as this post had 100% been written before.

idkbroidk · 30/04/2025 21:35

mathanxiety · 30/04/2025 19:13

I can't believe so many - presumably women - here think you're being unreasonable.
And some of the responses here - "you're fun" : wtf?

The attitude of the lad's mother is an extremely good example of why young women these days (those who value themselves anyway) are not willing to tie themselves to barely housetrained and completely unashamed of it young men. There are cats who are cleaner.

I'd send the mother a curt "sorry you feel that way" response, and if this rude kid ever darkens your door again, I'd tell him immediately that while cleaning up after himself isnt required of him in his own house, it certainly is in your home, and he needs to leave the loo as clean as he found it. Don't hold back. He will treat you as if you have the low standards of his mother otherwise.

completely agree with you wholeheartedly!!!!

Lookuptotheskies · 30/04/2025 21:35

To me this is a parenting fail that a teen old enough to go round their friend's houses doesn't know that leaving a shit stained toilet is a social faux par, doesn't even have a hint of embarrassment leaving it like that, and likely has never been taught to clean up his own literal shit going by his mum's sexist replies.

I'd have contacted the mum too. She needs to realise she's letting her kid down letting him go out into the world like this.

PrincessFairyWren · 30/04/2025 21:42

The way I read it that the skid marks and poo were beyond the bowl. She did say "the toilet was completely covered in crap". So I guess it depends on how badly whole scene was.

If it was just skids in the bowl it is a pretty outrageous response. I'm more embarrassed for her than the kid.

JustSawJohnny · 30/04/2025 21:44

Huge over reaction, I think.

If he'd literally smeared shit all over the place then sure, call home, but a few skids down the pan?!

Really embarrassing.

TheHerboriste · 30/04/2025 21:45

JandamiHash · 29/04/2025 23:04

I actually cannot believe you messaged someone’s mum about a dirty toilet.

Not everything needs something doing about it or raising attention. It’s quite possible to let things go.

This just makes you look quite embarrassing and I wouldn’t be sending my child round again. Not very nice for your DS really!

If your child left shit all over someone's toilet, they probably wouldn't want him around again, or being friends with the DS. So preventing him from visiting isn't quite the threat people seem to think it is.

Tolkienista · 30/04/2025 21:45

Gross situation in the toilet ✓
Did you over react with the text message to his mother ✓