DS’s school friend made a mess of our toilet and his Mum has defended him

[LeahYoga]

DS had a friend round after school today (they are secondary school age). When he left, I had reason to use the upstairs bathroom and the toilet was completely covered in crap, skid marks everywhere. I immediately asked DS if he knew anything about this and he told me it was his friend who used it but he hadn’t mentioned any mess afterwards.

There’s a toilet brush in there and I don’t think it should be beyond the ability of a young teenager to clean up after themselves. My DS certainly would.

I messaged his Mum to politely say that if her son was to visit again, I’d appreciate him cleaning up after himself if/when needed. She sent me a bit of a shitty reply (pun not intended), along the lines of I should be glad I’ve only got one DS rather than the three she has as she has to put up with all sorts as the only female in the household. Then she had the cheek to say I could have cleaned it in the time it took me to message her! With two laughing emoji’s. Which isn’t the point. No apology at all.

AIBU to tell my DS he isn’t to invite him round again?

Any one else reminded of the thread about a teenager and unwrapped san pro in the bin? Ringing the mother to complain and telling her to lecture her disgusting daughter. I felt so sorry for her as well.

I am saddened to read that some people think what happened is OK, be it the child with no consideration, or the child's mother responding.

I don't think the OP overreacted.

You asked if I'm in denial about what toilets are for. And I told you what I think they're for. Do you disagree with my understanding of what toilets are meant for? If so, which part? The part where I said they're for releasing yourself - or the part where I said that they're not meant to display shit and urine in? You know, like some disgusting museum of shart...

To be honest if the skid marks were in the loo, yes he should have flushed again, but no harm done, just flush again. If they were on the toilet seat, then the toilet seat would have needed a proper clean with bleach which no a child shouldn't be doing. If a child that age can't make the loo properly then he's almost certainly got a bowel condition - well done for embarrassing him and his mum - poor kid.

I can't believe so many - presumably women - here think you're being unreasonable.
And some of the responses here - "you're fun" : wtf?

The attitude of the lad's mother is an extremely good example of why young women these days (those who value themselves anyway) are not willing to tie themselves to barely housetrained and completely unashamed of it young men. There are cats who are cleaner.

I'd send the mother a curt "sorry you feel that way" response, and if this rude kid ever darkens your door again, I'd tell him immediately that while cleaning up after himself isnt required of him in his own house, it certainly is in your home, and he needs to leave the loo as clean as he found it. Don't hold back. He will treat you as if you have the low standards of his mother otherwise.

No it's not.

Respect is earned.

Guests do not befoul a bathroom and leave it for a woman to clean up. This boy is clearly used to treating women badly and getting away with it. His fool of a mother made a rod for her own back and expects other women to laugh along with her while dealing with literal shite.

Getting rid of skid marks is literally what a loo brush is for.

You pour some loo cleaner into the bowl and use the brush to scrub.

Then you flush, while holding the brush in the water.

You put it back in its holder. Many people leave some diluted loo cleaner in the holder to sanitize the brush even further.

What are you saving your loo brush for?

Exactly. She is exactly the type of coarse woman raising the louts who take their mothers, wives and girlfriends for granted, and who go about soiling everything and expecting others to clean up after them.

A 12-year-old boy is certainly capable of cleaning a toilet and toilet seat with bleach. Come on!

Silicone toilet brushes, which is what we gave in our bathrooms, also don't harbour as much bacteria, because silicone is a non-porous material. And yes, you "rinse" the brush with the clean flushing water before you put the brush back in its holder. I'm a germaphobe, so I also pour bleach over the brushes.

Do you mean he just left a few marks in the toilet? I thought from the title he'd smeared shit up the walls. No way would I contact my child's friends mum because of a few marks in the toilet, how completely humiliating for all involved. I'm really glad you're not my mum!

Wow I can’t believe you actually msged that lads mum 😂….honestly I’d just have laughed, cleaned it and moved on. You sound very stuck up to me, he’s a bloody kid, there’s bigger things to worry about.

My DS is in yr 7 and quite often when his mates have been over, the toilet is grim after! But having said that, they close the lid and flush and leave a cloud of lynx Africa behind so at least the smell is (better??) gone. if I’m honest I’m quite glad they feel comfortable enough to 💩 in my house- said as someone who is not very comfortable poohing anywhere but in her own loo! I wouldn’t ever message DS friends mums about this, my DS would never forgive me for embarrassing him like that!

I don't think that he'd want to come round again now that you've messaged his mum.

Your dilemma is solved.

What’s the point in your post? You asked for views, nobody agrees and now you don’t like it. Honestly the whole thing is pathetic. Messaging someones mum about some skid marks 🙄

Agreed. I think it was rude to msg the mum over it and embarrassing for everyone involved, just not appropriate. Wondering if op might be ND?

In effect, it was a telling off for the poor lad’s mum for not teaching her son how to clean up after himself. She didn’t take offence, but she didn’t grovel an apology either, -which then caused you offence. She laughed it off with humour instead.
So it all became a bit silly and pointless by then.

I think if you invite somebody to your house, especially a youngster, you have to be prepared for things to go wrong. Children aren’t all brought up the same. Some have impeccable manners, others not so much. If no damage is caused, I think you should have been prepared to put it down to experince, decide to not invite him again if you were that offended, and let it go without causing a fuss. It’s not as if he actually broke the toilet is it OP.

Well done, OP, for having the balls to ring up the mum and complain. I salute you!

Am I reading this correctly? You want your son’s friend’s mum to apologise for her son shitting in your toilet?

why do a poll asking if your unreasonable if your satisfied with how you handled it. Just move on with your day.
FYI - you were unreasonable.

@LeahYoga message her back and say “I think they all need more home training then 😂😂😂”

If he's been told to do it yes, if he's always been told not touch the bleach - no.

Wtaf 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 op you are not well. My ds would never live it down if I did that to him. You’ve some brass balls on you

And we wonder why some kids don’t have any friends. His mum, his own worst enemy

I think it's unreasonable to message his mum. As he's a teenager just tell him next time he has to clean up after himself.