New mum friend came over, Left my house in a tip

[MyAquaGuide]

Made a new mum friend 2 months ago at a baby class and we clicked. After the second baby class she invited me round for a cuppa. When I went I stayed there for an hour, had a cuppa and she offered me a few biccies. Also Brought her a box of chocolates as its the first time I went round. Upon leaving she gave me some nappies. she didn't need.

I invited her round to mine and I feel like a mug. She brought an entire cooler bag of food for her baby. Used my sons new highchair and is baby led weaning so we went in the garden and the food went everywhere. She also needed cheese for his food so I ended up helping her prepare it from my fridge because she didn't bring any. She stayed 3 hours and I gave her endless drinks and food. When she left the house was a tip. She started walking into the kitchen and making herself at home very quickly. Oh and she didn't even bring anything to my house for the first time. Isn't that just a courteous gesture? When she left she said she could come round every week because her other son is at nursery!

If going to dinner in the evening probably yes. If you are just meeting a mum friend in the day for a coffee no.

YANBU
She was entitled abd rude. She should not have fed her DC like this in your house. Even if he normally eats like this, she should have either given him a snack and then lunch later at home, or given him something she could feed him herself. Presumably she would not allow him to eat like this in a café!

Next time she rings to make plans just make an excuse. She’ll eventually get the hint.
I’ve met people like this. They just like using you.

I think she could have least have picked up the food the baby dropped if it was in the house, but I'm not sure what else you expected. I think your being harsh on her OP. If I go to another mums house i wouldn't bring a 'gift'. It's not like she's bringing a bottle of wine for dinner. Also, she forgot cheese. 🙄 It's not a big deal. Its common for a mum to forget something, we all do it.
Also, if I invite a friend into my house, even if we're not close I want them to feel at home. I don't want them to feel the need to ask to go to the toilet or ask to use something out of the cupboards.

Have you not started weaning your baby yet? Some lightbulbs may go off in a few months when you start

You sound a little off

Also if I had invited people over I’d be the one expecting to buy the snacks for people as I’m hosting them…

This. Why are you so worried about a bit of mess. Babies and children are messy. Just go back to hers next time and you can take it in turns clearing up! That’s hosting surely?

Lol no

Yabu re bringing something to your house in this situation .it's slightly weird if you did. Difficult to know how messy...you said you were outside

But you've perceived someone wanting milk with their coffee and some cheese for their baby as taking the piss. Nevermind the box of chocolate, you're incredibly uptight and measly.

You literally called her a friend in your title

Ahh man, what happened to the good old days of offering your guests unlimited food and drink until they can't walk and sending them home with more.

If I invite someone round to my house for a playdate I don't expect them to clean up, kind of the point of hosting (though generally people do offer). I would provide some food (snack plate with crackers, chopped fruit, veg sticks, cheese etc), juice for DC and coffee/tea/water for mum, any mess I clean up after they leave (house is usually a state with toys everywhere but that's to be expected!) It sounds like you really begrudge doing this when it's pretty normal?

YANBU. She obviously made herself at home too much and too quickly. Doesn’t understand boundaries.

Why give her that much cheese and juice if you were keeping count and now begrudge it? Just a piece of cheese would have been fine. I wouldn't take chocolates or biscuits to an invitation for tea, usually because I don't like ending up with packets of food won't use in return. I would however, never be grudging over hospitality offered here. You, however, not only counted everything you offered her, but have noted here everything she offered you at hers. Really off, martyred attitude. Some kind of test? Why not just offer what you're happy to give and look after your own baby instead of fussing around cleaning up.

Gosh, you're difficult aren't you.

I took my daughter round to a friend's at the toilet training phase (she was dry at home but I hadn't factored in the stress/excitement of being away from home - shoot me; this was my first child, I hadn't done it before).
Anyway my daughter wee'd herself (luckily in the garden, not on the new carpet!). Friend supplied a change of clothing, np. Daughter wee'd again, friend supplied a second change of clothing.
We laughed about it. Friendship intact.

And no I wouldn't take a gift for a casual "playdate", but I would expect to reciprocate at a later date.

I'm looking forward to when OP's child goes to school and invites twelve of his mates over for his birthday party!

How odd to take and expect a gift.

Just say no. Simples. If you need a reason say that whilst it was lovely meeting up you found it all rather hard work and were exhausted afterwards. And don’t waver when she promised to make it shorter, feed beforehand etc, because you know she won’t.

If that means you lose a friend it doesn’t sound as though it will be any loss.

I'd have cleaned up after my child if they made a mess in someone else's house and I was there BUT I do accept that hosting children just generally creates mess/chaos. With the age gaps with mine, I could have a week with 5/6 years olds, teens or lads in their 20s socialising at my house. Food is always available and, quite honestly, I just want them to enjoy themselves. My eldest boys are pretty good at tidying up after themselves though, to be fair.

Gift-wise, I'd take something for a social occasion and possibly a first visit for coffee to someone's house, but I wouldn't bother at all if I didn't receive one - I'd just be happy to see them.

The only thing from your post that would bother me would be the assumption they could visit weekly - I wouldn't have time for that, and would very quickly have to establish some sort of boundary there.

May I come round for cheese?

Three whole glasses of juice? The horror!

In her defence if she’s paying for private school (and now plus VAT) she probably doesn’t have any money spare. Just saying.

I would only see her at the park or a play area next time. If she pops in unannounced, I'd say 'I was on my way to the park/ Play Planet, etc. If she says 'Oh it's raining, why don't we stay at your place,' I'd say 'Sorry, my child really needs to get out. I've made a point of getting out of the house. I'm sure we'll have a great time at the park!'

I did that a few times with a friend who'd open cans of tuna/ beans in tomato sauce on my floorboards for her toddler, and leak oil or sauce everywhere - and never even wipe it. She'd also always ask 'Could I feed my child some of that lovely stew/soup in your fridge? (she's loaded, by the way) It took a few weeks for her to get the hint, but she did eventually, and we kept meeting occasionally at the park or play area.