New mum friend came over, Left my house in a tip

[MyAquaGuide]

Made a new mum friend 2 months ago at a baby class and we clicked. After the second baby class she invited me round for a cuppa. When I went I stayed there for an hour, had a cuppa and she offered me a few biccies. Also Brought her a box of chocolates as its the first time I went round. Upon leaving she gave me some nappies. she didn't need.

I invited her round to mine and I feel like a mug. She brought an entire cooler bag of food for her baby. Used my sons new highchair and is baby led weaning so we went in the garden and the food went everywhere. She also needed cheese for his food so I ended up helping her prepare it from my fridge because she didn't bring any. She stayed 3 hours and I gave her endless drinks and food. When she left the house was a tip. She started walking into the kitchen and making herself at home very quickly. Oh and she didn't even bring anything to my house for the first time. Isn't that just a courteous gesture? When she left she said she could come round every week because her other son is at nursery!

it wasn’t a slither of cheese…

The word is 'sliver' not slither. That's what snakes do.

Take wine or chocs when invited for dinner yes. A coffee no. How long to stay, I’d say 1-3 hours is reasonable. She should have kept mess to a minimum and cleaned as she went/ apologised. I’d say she was a bit lazy but not that bad.

Then it's your mess to clear up. By not handing her your wipes, you chose to clean it up.

How much mess did she make? Fed child in garden. She may be lonely and glad to visit someone and found it hard to leave to be on her own again. I had this syndrome when had young DC. Had to limit myself to visits of 30 to 40 minutes and MAKE myself leave - some women must have thought me very, very odd. The way you have posted suggested all your furniture is in a mess, there are crumbs everywhere and the kitchen looks as if Gordon Ramsay passed through and didn't clear up after preparing a six course meal. Really?
NB I have never taken a gift when visiting, unless a new mum, or it's a birthday. Not the thing anywhere I have lived. Take a bottle of wine (or 2 or beer) if going to dinner.

No.

I don't think invite people around is for you

No

Three hours is highly unreasonable and intrusive.

Dropping food around the kitchen floor is unacceptable. Babies don’t have to lead the weaning during a social call if they are prone to making big messes. How obtuse and slovenly this woman sounds.

What bullshit. Have some standards.

One doesn’t go into others’ homes, stay hours, slop food around the floor and help oneself to refreshments and sundries.

I thought they were in the garden to eat?

Maybe the friend didn’t leave sooner because she thought they were having a nice time. If OP needed her to get off she should have wrapped things up sooner really. She does have a say!

Without a bowl for it? Do you expect guests to come with their own cups and tea in a flask too?

This.

Her leaving the mess behind wasn't on, but the rest of the things the OP is complaining about (lack of a hostess gift, OP rushing to clean up instead of holding her own baby) sounds like judging the new friend because she doesn't stack up to her own martyrish and unnecessary standards.

Three hours is highly unreasonable and intrusive.

Okay well we can tell who doesn’t have friends or socialise.

100% this. I couldn't enjoy being at your house with so many rules and a host who begrudges me a drink, I don't think I'd ever return. I hope you didn't make it obvious you thought she was a bad guest, the poor woman probably felt very awkward

Why stop there? They should bring their own chairs and a wheelie-Portaloo they leave outside to prevent the unspeakable cheek of them using your loo, and possibly helping themselves to the handsoap and toilet paper.

Cancel that ASAP! Don´t have her over at your place ever. Use whatever excuse you need, but don´t let her in again.

I would rather someone didn’t bring something when they come around as it’s just more stuff, and she’s a new mother with a baby so as the host I would be perfectly happy to accept she’s not cleaning up after herself as much as she might otherwise do. It may just be my background but I would always try and feed guests (mother and baby) in my home if relevant, and I've always encouraged visitors to use the baby stuff. To me - you are in your comfort zone when it is your place and so it’s your job to make it equally as comfortable for any visitor (though I would prefer visitors with no children to at least put their coffee cups on the sink, etc).

I usually take a packet of biccies or similar if I go to someone house but I don't expect it from visitors.
She brought her own food for her baby to do BLW but you resent giving her a bit of cheese and having to help her "prepare" it? What exactly needed to be done to the cheese?
You sound a bit uptight and thats fine but she is obviously a lot more laid back and you aren't compatible.
When DS's friends arrive they know they can head straight for the fridge but I appreciate not everyone likes that and DS knows he can't do that at some other peoples houses

I don’t think YABU. It sounds like you’ve got different ideas about things. Why should she come to you every week instead of taking it in turns to host each other! I’d downgrade meet ups to the park or a soft play centre, just tell her you really like getting out of the house. I’m with you on the high chair too.

Not for a cup of tea, no.

she sounds annoying though.

"I made her coffee and she had demands about how much milk sugar and extra flavouring she wanted to."

Do people not get to decide how they want their coffee in your house OP?

You sound pretty uptight to me but then again I am sure lots of people would disagree. Maybe you just need to find people more aligned to yourself.

So many “rules”???

It’s rock bottom basic etiquette to refrain from rummaging in a hosts’ storage area and from demanding unoffered food and drinks, let alone strewing food on the floor without cleaning up.

I’d just not host again, go to the park, if she says prefers house, then you are fed up constantly cleaning, babies are messy. I loved summer as you can have lots of picnic lunches, a shake of a blanket and birds or bugs will clean up crumbs. Kitchen stays clean.

She wasn’t invited for a meal. If her baby was going to need something, be it bottle or bowl or specific food, she should have brought it. Or better yet taken it home to eat.

I agree with @gamerchick @mathanxiety and @Malagase .
She prioritises herself - to your time, your hosting, your baby crying on a mat, your boundaries of not opening your cupboards. All are inferior in her view. You’ll be good enough as a free child minder every week. It’s not the biscuits, cheese, juice, high chair, it’s her lofty condescension, her greed. You’ve sussed her but have become overwhelmed by minor details.
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