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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

After school detention is a thing now?

427 replies

PennyWhistleSweet · 29/04/2025 13:22

My 11 yr old yr 7 son has been issued an after school detention for disrespecting a new teacher.

We never had them at my high school and wanted to know what you all thought of them.

Myself, I'm currently at whits end with him calling me a fucking bitch and pushing me etc (another thread for another day) so I'm hoping this might give him a bit of a shock.

OP posts:
AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 29/04/2025 13:22

I assume he has had all access to the internet removed too?

Trumptonagain · 29/04/2025 13:24

Detention was a thing in the 70's when I was at secondary school and still 15 years ago when my DC was at school.

NoKnit · 29/04/2025 13:25

They were a thing back in the 80s

Not sure what I think to be honest

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 29/04/2025 13:25

I'm 58 and I had a couple of after school detentions in my teenage years.

WaryExpert · 29/04/2025 13:25

I think they're ridiculous. Not everyone has access to a car or reliable public transportation from school to home (or the money for it). And many families are assigned schools miles and miles away. Mine have never been given it but if tell them to refuse and take the bus home if they were.

And before anyone says "don't get detention then" remember how many children are getting them for things like petty uniform issues or forgetting something for food tech, all of which disproportionately affects NT kids.

AlertCat · 29/04/2025 13:26

They’ve always been a thing as far as I’m aware. You need 24 hours notice but ‘pupil messenger’ counts.

TigerRag · 29/04/2025 13:26

They were a thing when I was at school in the 00s

Original poster
PennyWhistleSweet · 29/04/2025 13:26

I was at school in the late 90s early 2000s. Always during lunch. Me and my husband work full time so could be tricky in future.

No I haven't taken away all internet. I've blocked some social media accounts.

OP posts:
JacquesHarlow · 29/04/2025 13:26

Dear @PennyWhistleSweet

We never had them at my high school and wanted to know what you all thought of them.

Why do you need to know what we think of them? Are you looking to 'challenge' the school?

From the description of your DS, I wouldn't challenge. I'd let him have whatever medicine he's receiving.

Myself, I'm currently at whits (sic) end with him calling me a fucking bitch and pushing me etc (another thread for another day)

What consequences have you put in place for when he does this?

Sharptonguedwoman · 29/04/2025 13:27

WaryExpert · 29/04/2025 13:25

I think they're ridiculous. Not everyone has access to a car or reliable public transportation from school to home (or the money for it). And many families are assigned schools miles and miles away. Mine have never been given it but if tell them to refuse and take the bus home if they were.

And before anyone says "don't get detention then" remember how many children are getting them for things like petty uniform issues or forgetting something for food tech, all of which disproportionately affects NT kids.

Edited

Helpful. Not. What sanction would you prefer?

Rickrolypoly · 29/04/2025 13:28

Sounds like he needs more than an after school detention

WhatNoRaisins · 29/04/2025 13:28

They were normal when I was at school. If you can't pick him up I'd be tempted to book a taxi and take it out of his pocket money.

JacquesHarlow · 29/04/2025 13:28

WaryExpert · 29/04/2025 13:25

I think they're ridiculous. Not everyone has access to a car or reliable public transportation from school to home (or the money for it). And many families are assigned schools miles and miles away. Mine have never been given it but if tell them to refuse and take the bus home if they were.

And before anyone says "don't get detention then" remember how many children are getting them for things like petty uniform issues or forgetting something for food tech, all of which disproportionately affects NT kids.

Edited

Schools aren't childcare.

I don't know how many times I have to say it to people. (I'm not a teacher).

If your child messes up, then maybe it's on them to explain to you why you then have to change your daily arrangements.

Schools need to be able to use mechanisms available to them. So many schools are providing polyfilla and temporary fixes to problems which should have been solved at source.

Original poster
PennyWhistleSweet · 29/04/2025 13:28

@JacquesHarlow he doesn't take any discipline from me and just mocks me. He respects his day who does the vast majority of the discipline.
He was really well behaved at school till this new teacher started.

OP posts:
AlertCat · 29/04/2025 13:29

WaryExpert · 29/04/2025 13:25

I think they're ridiculous. Not everyone has access to a car or reliable public transportation from school to home (or the money for it). And many families are assigned schools miles and miles away. Mine have never been given it but if tell them to refuse and take the bus home if they were.

And before anyone says "don't get detention then" remember how many children are getting them for things like petty uniform issues or forgetting something for food tech, all of which disproportionately affects NT kids.

Edited

It’s likely that the school will escalate if students simply don’t turn up to detention. If you communicated the difficulties, however, they might consider an alternative sanction.

WaryExpert · 29/04/2025 13:29

JacquesHarlow · 29/04/2025 13:28

Schools aren't childcare.

I don't know how many times I have to say it to people. (I'm not a teacher).

If your child messes up, then maybe it's on them to explain to you why you then have to change your daily arrangements.

Schools need to be able to use mechanisms available to them. So many schools are providing polyfilla and temporary fixes to problems which should have been solved at source.

Show quote history

It's not about childcare. It's about getting them home. Keep saying it to yourself.

Original poster
PennyWhistleSweet · 29/04/2025 13:29

He's going to it. It just might be tricky in the future

OP posts:
Original poster
PennyWhistleSweet · 29/04/2025 13:30

@Rickrolypoly it's been a very sudden change in behaviour. He was a darling in primary. We are addressing it.

OP posts:
PineappleChicken · 29/04/2025 13:31

WaryExpert · 29/04/2025 13:25

I think they're ridiculous. Not everyone has access to a car or reliable public transportation from school to home (or the money for it). And many families are assigned schools miles and miles away. Mine have never been given it but if tell them to refuse and take the bus home if they were.

And before anyone says "don't get detention then" remember how many children are getting them for things like petty uniform issues or forgetting something for food tech, all of which disproportionately affects NT kids.

Edited

Well, that’s the thing isn’t it? Sometimes a bit of inconvenience for the parents is what it takes for them to sit up and start taking notice of, and responsibility for, their kids behaviour. More things like this should be done imo.

StayingAnonForThis · 29/04/2025 13:31

How and where did your son learn to call you a fucking bitch? What are his strengths?

WaryExpert · 29/04/2025 13:31

JacquesHarlow · 29/04/2025 13:26

Dear @PennyWhistleSweet

We never had them at my high school and wanted to know what you all thought of them.

Why do you need to know what we think of them? Are you looking to 'challenge' the school?

From the description of your DS, I wouldn't challenge. I'd let him have whatever medicine he's receiving.

Myself, I'm currently at whits (sic) end with him calling me a fucking bitch and pushing me etc (another thread for another day)

What consequences have you put in place for when he does this?

This isn't a newspaper. You don't need to (SIC) people. It just makes you look rude. It's even weirder when you're calling people "dear". It's an internet forum.

TheNightingalesStarling · 29/04/2025 13:32

My kids school only has 35 mins for lunch, so no time for detentions then! Your school should have a behaviour policy available.

StMarie4me · 29/04/2025 13:33

PennyWhistleSweet · 29/04/2025 13:28

@JacquesHarlow he doesn't take any discipline from me and just mocks me. He respects his day who does the vast majority of the discipline.
He was really well behaved at school till this new teacher started.

You're constantly minimising his behaviour OP, even if you don’t realise it.

You and his Dad need a united front of hard discipline or you’ll lose the battle. Stop making excuses for him!

JacquesHarlow · 29/04/2025 13:33

WaryExpert · 29/04/2025 13:31

This isn't a newspaper. You don't need to (SIC) people. It just makes you look rude. It's even weirder when you're calling people "dear". It's an internet forum.

Show quote history

This isn't your magazine. You can't tell me @WaryExpert some arbitrary style guide. If I "sic" someone that's my choice when rendering reported speech.

As for "dear", what does the popular Mumsnet acronym "ODFOD" mean then?

Genao · 29/04/2025 13:33

They were a thing when I was at school in the 00s

if it would be a problem in the future, now is the time to spell that out to him, if you keep doing this, I won’t be able to pick you up because of work, I will need to pay for a taxi, that will be coming out of your pocket money/selling something of his.