After school detention is a thing now?

[PennyWhistleSweet]

My 11 yr old yr 7 son has been issued an after school detention for disrespecting a new teacher.

We never had them at my high school and wanted to know what you all thought of them.

Myself, I'm currently at whits end with him calling me a fucking bitch and pushing me etc (another thread for another day) so I'm hoping this might give him a bit of a shock.

They are different things, many children with ADHD manage to learn to follow instructions.

Why does he mock you and respect your DH? Is he seeing disrespect to you, or women more generally, at home or elsewhere in his life?

If so, detentions are the least of your worries, but ensuring he attends them will be a good start. And I agree that they have been around for years. We had them in the 80s, and my brother even had Saturday detentions. Obviously, as in your case, after school detentions required notice so were not on the same day as the incident.

So it's the teacher's fault is it?

I answered the OP and said I disagree with them and why. She may live next door, but many people don't. That's why I disagree with them. You seem to be struggling with the whole chat forum concept.

Sorry, cannot get past the fact that at 11 he is physically and verbally abusing you. Are you punishing him? What is his father doing? What will you do when he's 15 and abuses you.
Detention is the least of your worries it seems

After school detentions are a thing. At DS2's school, they can be issued a 15 minute detention same day with no notice to parents. For more serious behavioural issues or not turning up to a 15 minute one they get half an hour and parents are given 24 hours notice. We live in a town where majority of kids could walk or take frequent public transport and majority of kids get themselves to and from secondary school.

DS1's school 1st level is a 30 minute lunchtime detention (no notice) and escalation is 45 mins after school detention with minimum 24 hours notice to parents. Again most kids take public transport.

If it causes an inconvenience to parents, that is part of the deterrent surely - that parents should be reinforcing to their kids to behave better and not get lots of detentions.

It’s supposed to have an impact on the parents. It’s your child whose behaviour is unacceptable and therefore it’s your responsibility to change it.

ADHD can give rise to impulsive and bad behaviour but the issue here seems to be that it only applies to the OP, not his dad, so less likely to be as a result of impulsivity. Also, if it was ADHD based, he would not have been an angel in the past. Something has changed.

They serve a purpose. Our kids knew there were two things that would have DH/I spitting chips at them. One was getting detention, which meant missing school bus home, so one of us had to make arrangements at work. The second was having to go to school for a meeting, which was of course in school hours so not always convenient.

This effectively means kids are punished at both school and home, which should be the objective. If it didn’t impact parents, a great many would just shrug and not care about assisting school to address the root problem.

I am wondering if this new teacher is a woman, given the lack of respect he shows for his own mother, yet does respect his father.

As for the posters who disagree with "inconveniencing" or "punishing" the parents, I am in agreement with this. Parents are there to raise their children and teachers are to educate, but they can only do that if the children behave, which is up to the parents to make sure they do.

I really don't think I struggle...

... apart from struggling to understand why you are such a 'campaigner' for schools ending on time without fail.

Not everyone who gets an after school detention has ASD.

It's another one of those "I've said the A word, so no one can contest it" arguments on Mumsnet.

I am genuinely troubled by the knowledge that some ASD kids are having detentions instead of being supported.

But fgs, that isn't everyone. It really isn't.

The inability for people to see beyond "some people might have X so you can't argue anything about Y" is what makes Mumsnet so tiresome.

It’s a thing in my children’s school. For forgetting equipment or being late.

Exactly.

Well said , fully agree.

Unfortunately I get the feeling the nuances of this will be lost to the "everything must be attributed to a label" crowd.

Always have been. Usually an hour long when I was at catholic school ten years ago. But one time I did something REALLY bad (think forgetting homework or skirt being an inch above the knee😂) and had a two hour one

Ey?

I attended secondary in 2000's (left 2007) and after school detention was very much a thing then. Mostly you were given lunchtime detention, but for serious things you would get an afterschool detention (usually with a day's notice, and a letter home to parent/phone call).

They've always been a thing, lunchtimes was for mild incidents and after school for more serious longer ones.
Our sons school also does saturday detentions for most serious.
Our son ahs adhd and is after school detention most weeks for various things.

He sounds violent and foul, not lovely. It will likely get worse, not better.

After school detentions have always existed as far as I know. At my DH's school in the 70s/early 80s there were even Saturday morning detentions - bet the teachers loved that!
At my DC's school after school detentions are reserved for repeat offenders or serious issues and a certain amount of notice is given to parents. We live in a rural area with very little public transport and most of the pupils travel by dedicated school buses. If you miss the bus it's likely that someone is going to have to get you, so no pupil is ever kept back without advance warning. They do seem to work as a pretty good deterrent actually. My kids and their friends certainly viewed it as a very big deal and something to be avoided at all costs. Though the real deterrent was probably not that you were kept back at school but that a parent was going to have to make an inconvenient trip (40 mile round trip from home for us but further for plenty) and potentially have to take time off work to collect you. I would have been livid if I'd had to do that - with my kid, not the school - and they knew it!

They were a thing in the 60's A 30 minute detention could be given without informing parents, ie in the same day, a longer one required that parents should be told.

I think that’s why they now do dinner time because the children miss out going outside with friends and it’s doesn’t interfere with parents days or transport

After school detentions were definitely a thing when I was at school in the 1980s. They were a thing at my DCs schools in the late 2000s and onwards. Only one of them ever had one but the home school agreement detailed that they existed and what sort of thing they could get them for. DDs school also had Saturday detentions for extreme or repeated behaviour.

After school detention was a thing when I left school in 1981

Yes, I get that but also think the parents need to be involved and deal with their child. Not for minor issues, forgotten ingredients, school uniform issues but for the major stuff they should be.

Yes, this is our son. Although he was on an SEN pathway at age 2 with diognosis at age 7. He is very impulsive, can fall off his chair suddenly, calls out impulsively, needs movement breaks and talking cards. But can suddenly jump up and start dancing, impulsive singing. Not until he was diognosed did I realise I was exactly the same and probably why I spent my entire secondary school days on report and in detention, never did any homework but managed to cram revision in and get As and Bs despite not listening for a whole term!

OP has said nothing previously points to adhd but something has changed his behaviour. Secondary school is very daunting and no doubt he is struggling with something that has changed or happened since joining the school.