After school detention is a thing now?

[PennyWhistleSweet]

My 11 yr old yr 7 son has been issued an after school detention for disrespecting a new teacher.

We never had them at my high school and wanted to know what you all thought of them.

Myself, I'm currently at whits end with him calling me a fucking bitch and pushing me etc (another thread for another day) so I'm hoping this might give him a bit of a shock.

It's very obvious that YOU need to start disciplining him not just his Dad. He is in year 7 so this new teacher will be one of many.

I have no idea where or how this language and behaviour have started. As I said, he's always been so lovely but I strongly suspect he has PDA.

I think that lunch detention would be as effected with less of an impact on the parents.

Depends on the school I guess. They weren’t a thing in my rural secondary school, since the majority of pupils were bussed in and there was barely any public transport.

Oh, is that the thing? So it's about punishing the parent for a child leaving their food on the bus or losing their tie? Right, then surely this will magically work.

Getting a child home is not the school's responsibility @WaryExpert .

I assume his phone has been taken away as a sanction?

Also you say he has had some social media accounts disabled, he's 11, he shouldn't be on social media full stop.

It's not a magazine at all. That was my point.

We had it at our school in the 90s, don’t know how effective it is though.

Oh ffs...another one of these parents is all a school needs.

I haven't taken his phone. He was on snap chat which I've blocked.

We also live rurally whichakes it hard.

After school detentions have been around - they were there when I was in secondary from 2010-2017 and my sister who is five years older also had them.

The school's responsibility is to ensure the child is safe. If there is no way for the child to safely get home, they have a duty of care to the child. They can't simultaneously say they have no responsibility to the child while insisting the child stay after school hours, under their responsibility.

And this PDA magically appeared in year 7? No, this is called a lack of discipline.

Why can't parents take accountability instead of diagnosing?

Dinner time detention is a thing at our school

Well he's already diagnosed with ADHD so it's hardly a stretch.

I’m currently butting heads with the school over this atm. I’ve got a daughter doing her a levels and a daughter in year 10. When they both started there was a private school bus I paid a LOT of money for. Last year the school decided to cancel it. It is now virtually impossible for me to get my girls to school on time unless I pay £15-£20 every morning for an uber. The days I can’t afford one means they are sometimes a bit late, the public transport gets so busy the buses don’t even stop for them (there’s multiple other children with the same dilemma). The penalty for being late for school is now after school detention. My daughters who have never put a foot wrong or have ever received a detention before, are now receiving a detention every week. I don’t know what the solution is other than to pull my daughters out when they are both starting exams, besides the teachers having a bit of bloody common sense!

@Newmumhere40

Fair enough but after school is much more of a nuisance for children. Tricky if working parents and dodgy transport though.

Is the new teacher a woman?

My daughter is in Y9 and tbh they are just an occupational hazard now. The first one scared her but not after that.

where has the OP said they cannot safely get the child home, @WaryExpert ?

They've said they live rurally, and it might be tricky. But in no part of the posts does it say that it can't happen.

Using "child safety" as the ultimate trump card/ shield to avoid looking at the benefits of an after-school sanction, is poor argument I think.

Snapchat at 11? And you are wondering where he heard the term 'fucking bitch'. Firstly, Snapchat's legal age of use is 13 and that is still too young.

Do you have parental controls on his phone? Can you not get him an old school phone that just calls and texts so that he can stay safe without social media?

@Nomoreidea I'm not sure

At my DGDs independent school they do Level 1, 2 and 3.

Level 1 - During break
Level 2 - After school
Level 3 - Saturday morning.

Maybe ( I politely say), now is the right thread to discuss his language to you!

Actually, I am not that parent because I don't have to be. My DC is quite literally perfect at secondary school. Top sets, best grades in class, does all the clubs and loved by teachers. My other child is in a special school because they're ND. So I'm looking at it as a parent who knows how difficult it is for people, and doesn't assume that an easy child is as a result of perfect parenting. Or that punishing children to punish their parents when the parents are probably already struggling is clever.

We have friends with children who are diagnosed as having autism and ADHD and they're still being shafted by mainstream schools and put into detentions for petty as fuck uniform infractions.