Page 17 | After school detention is a thing now?

PennyWhistleSweet · 2025-04-29T12:22:06+00:00

My 11 yr old yr 7 son has been issued an after school detention for disrespecting a new teacher. We never had them at my high school and wanted to know what you all thought of them. Myself, I'm currently at whits end with him calling me a fucking bitch and pushing me etc (another thread for another day) so I'm hoping this might give him a bit of a shock.

EmmaJane2025 · 30/04/2025 16:12

We had after school detention back in 1995! State school in UK

Citycathedral · 30/04/2025 16:13

My children attend two different high schools, both relatively near to each other. One only does detentions at lunchtime (both the ‘main school’ detentions and the more minor subject detentions which are more like if you haven’t completed all your work in the lesson). And the other high school does after school detentions for the more serious ones, and lunchtime ones for the ‘minor’ ones.

Letty186 · 30/04/2025 16:17

When I was at school they were something to be feared. Firstly your inconvenienced parents would be furious, secondly you had to either do lines, extra work or chores (cleaning / tidying). At my son’s senior school they get to do their homework …. It’s no deterrent, in fact it’s better, they have peace and quiet to work and teachers to help.

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 30/04/2025 16:22

lessglittermoremud · 30/04/2025 15:45

It could well be the move to secondary but from OP post it’s her and one teacher that is being targeted.
Our son was the same with all of his ‘safe’ people (immediate family) and all teachers saw him struggling.
He transitioned well into secondary school but now again we are seeing more ND behaviours and exhaustion, which is being witnessed by loads of different people.
If there has not been any previous hints of ND in the OP son and he’s been a delight for years and is aiming this behaviour at her specifically then something quite complex is going on.
I just wanted to highlight that not all ND children lash out at the parents, there does seem to be an increase in people assuming poor behaviour is a sign of ND in their children and they are missing other causes.

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The OP's child is ND - he's been diagnosed with ADHD according to OP.

DS managed to mask in primary and until post lockdown and the move to juniors, there had been no complaints about his behaviour in school up to that point, though I'd long had concerns about how he was doing socially but the school had always insisted he was doing fine.

Missey85 · 30/04/2025 16:24

WaryExpert · 29/04/2025 13:34

Oh, is that the thing? So it's about punishing the parent for a child leaving their food on the bus or losing their tie? Right, then surely this will magically work.

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Here in Australia you lose your benifits if you don't make your kid go to school it works it gets the parents to do it if they want Thier money 💰

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 30/04/2025 16:31

Missey85 · 30/04/2025 16:24

Here in Australia you lose your benifits if you don't make your kid go to school it works it gets the parents to do it if they want Thier money 💰

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And what happens to those who don't get benefits?

GrammarTeacher · 30/04/2025 16:51

MrsKeats · 30/04/2025 15:44

Here’s the thing. I am a teacher. I have seen and still see the shocking behaviour of kids in schools. You would not believe the violence I have witnessed-a colleague had to retire as he was hit by a child and had his arm broken.
I think we are a bit beyond semantic debates.

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I cant believe a teacher is so very naive about this!

GrammarTeacher · 30/04/2025 16:52

GrammarTeacher · 30/04/2025 16:51

I cant believe a teacher is so very naive about this!

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Sorry mis read - it’s been a long day at school. Apologies.

Heronwatcher · 30/04/2025 16:52

PennyWhistleSweet · 30/04/2025 14:12

The assumption from some posters that we have allow him access to apps that no other parents of an 11/12 yr old would is not correct. He was one of the last of his peers to get a phone and all of them have been allowed smart phones, snap chat etc. Not that I'm following the crowd but it's unrealistic to be shocked at what I have allowed. I've always used the family app link which is a window into what he uses online.

Do they all call their mothers fucking bitches and assault her though? I get that peer pressure is a thing and that a lot of kids do have phones. But when your own son’s behaviour is spiralling so badly and he’s obviously not coping, you need to make the right decision for him, not his friends (who may be coping much better than him). Just take it off him for a while or, if you must, get his dad to.

lessglittermoremud · 30/04/2025 17:12

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 30/04/2025 16:22

The OP's child is ND - he's been diagnosed with ADHD according to OP.

DS managed to mask in primary and until post lockdown and the move to juniors, there had been no complaints about his behaviour in school up to that point, though I'd long had concerns about how he was doing socially but the school had always insisted he was doing fine.

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Ah ok, missed that bit,

Original poster

PennyWhistleSweet · 30/04/2025 17:26

@Heronwatcher I have, he's very restricted now. I also found my laptop in his room which he said he was just watching BBC iPlayer on. Obviously I've removed that and changed the password.

OP posts:

Bryonyberries · 30/04/2025 17:38

After school detentions were a thing when I was at secondary school in London (90’s) however I think each school needs to know the cohort. Where I live now my daughter has to get a bus home and so do many other children who attend her school due to the rural location. I think in this circumstance only very high level infractions should be after school as the parent may not be able to get the child home if at work. Not so bad leaving them waiting this time of year but a cold November night would be more stressful for the parent who is worrying of they can’t get there than the child having the detention.

Fortunately, none of my children have had detentions and in a couple months GCSEs will be over and I won’t have to worry about it again!

If your child is hard to manage at home it sounds like working with your school will be to your advantage in setting consistent expectations. They may give you access to support too.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 30/04/2025 17:49

I made mistakes but it's not out of line with what other parents are allowing their children

We all make mistakes OP, but it really doesn't matter what "other parents" are doing, since it's unlikely all of their DCs are behaving like this

I previously mentioned that he was one of the last of his peers to get a phone

Again, it doesn't matter - it's what he's been allowed to do with the phone which counts, and sorry but I'm incredulous that he's still got it

Nobody pretends that dealing with this is easy, but there appear to be no real sanctions happening at all, and all that'll bring is an even more impossible teenager ... which could be even worse

Papergirl1968 · 30/04/2025 19:53

EilonwyWithRedGoldHair · 30/04/2025 14:47

Police only came out once to us (not including when a neighbour called them). After that we were told that as there were two of us should be able to manage DS, and they refused to come out. Apparently we should do 'whatever is necessary', which I disagree with and which Social Services also disagree with.

Thankfully things have calmed down a bit. But there's always the fear in the back of my mind that things could go that way again.

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I’m a single parent and my two would gang up on me, perhaps that made a difference. I’ve also been classed as vulnerable due to having had a brain tumour which caused seizures, now thankfully dealt with.
I can’t fault the police, to be fair.
I know what you mean about it always being in the back of your mind though. My oldest daughter has asked if she can stay the night and I’ve said no. I have had her round for meals etc though and that was a big step for me, but I’m not ready to have her here overnight while I’m asleep.
Youngest one did move back in for a while but it didn’t work out. We get on much better when we have a bit of space from each other.

Original poster

PennyWhistleSweet · 30/04/2025 20:46

@Papergirl1968 that sounds so sad for you all.

I got back from my shift not long ago and he's not been on his phone all day and was out playing football with a boy across the road. I've tightened up all restrictions and things are peaceful (Dads home of course).

Parenting course booked and things will get better.

OP posts:

Papergirl1968 · 30/04/2025 21:14

That’s positive, @PennyWhistleSweet.
I hope things work out for you all.

Jowak1 · 30/04/2025 21:54

I went to secondary school from 1990-1995 and after school detentions we’re common. I got one for forgetting my maths book! My one and only detention. My daughter now goes to the same school and the only detention she has been given was for walking out of the classroom when she was on her period and the teacher didn’t let her go to the toilet .I said she’s not having a detention for needing the toilet on her period!! They realised and cancelled said detention . I hope things improve for you OP parenting is hard and we all make mistakes

Sharptonguedwoman · 01/05/2025 18:47

PennyWhistleSweet · 29/04/2025 13:28

@JacquesHarlow he doesn't take any discipline from me and just mocks me. He respects his day who does the vast majority of the discipline.
He was really well behaved at school till this new teacher started.

OP, dig deeper or ask Dad to. Is he being bullied. This sort of behaviour can arise from extreme unhappiness.

JLou08 · 01/05/2025 18:56

After school detentions are nothing new.
A detention will do absolutely nothing to reduce him pushing you and calling you a fucking bitch. That is very, very extreme behaviour. Is he seeing another male disrespect you?

MyHeartyCoralSnail · 01/05/2025 19:01

Yes - afterschool detention was a thing when I was at school
30 odd years ago.

He sounds like he needs disciplining - if my son was treating me like that he would have zero screen time, no phone and spend his life doing homework or chores.

What is his school like?

Acommonreader · 01/05/2025 19:45

PennyWhistleSweet · 29/04/2025 14:08

I believe his issue is with me alone. He's not got a negative attitude towards women. He 11 FFS!

Your son calls you a bitch and you don’t think he has a negative attitude to women.
He ignores your attempts at discipline.
He listens to his Dad.
He is disrespectful to teachers.
Wake up and sort him out before it’s too late. I appreciate this sounds harsh but I think you have your head in the sand. Good luck.

Reliablesource · 01/05/2025 19:54

WaryExpert · 29/04/2025 13:25

I think they're ridiculous. Not everyone has access to a car or reliable public transportation from school to home (or the money for it). And many families are assigned schools miles and miles away. Mine have never been given it but if tell them to refuse and take the bus home if they were.

And before anyone says "don't get detention then" remember how many children are getting them for things like petty uniform issues or forgetting something for food tech, all of which disproportionately affects NT kids.

Edited

Parents like you are a big part of the problem. You’d tell your children to ignore a punishment at school and just go home? Great role model you are…

CowboyJoanna · 02/05/2025 15:19

Citycathedral · 30/04/2025 16:13

My children attend two different high schools, both relatively near to each other. One only does detentions at lunchtime (both the ‘main school’ detentions and the more minor subject detentions which are more like if you haven’t completed all your work in the lesson). And the other high school does after school detentions for the more serious ones, and lunchtime ones for the ‘minor’ ones.

Why do your kids go to differernt high schools? Boys/girls school?

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 02/05/2025 17:20

CowboyJoanna · 02/05/2025 15:19

Why do your kids go to differernt high schools? Boys/girls school?

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My sister and I went to different schools. My mum taught at the catchment school and I didn’t want her to be able to access my teachers more than any other parent could. My sister was a goody two shoes and went to the school my mum taught at. 🤷🏻‍♀️

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 02/05/2025 17:23

I lived 4.5 miles from school. If I missed the bus, or got a detention, no way was I expecting a lift from my parents. I walked (much of it across fields and NSL country lanes without pavements). Hammered home how much I didn’t want detentions!