To not be happy that my new work lanyard has “she/her” on it without me asking?

[TheNavyAnt]

I’ve just started a new job and noticed that my staff lanyard/pass automatically has my name and “she/her” printed underneath it. Nobody asked if I wanted pronouns added - it was just assumed and put there by default.

I don’t have anything against people sharing pronouns if they want to, but personally, I wouldn’t have chosen to have it printed on my pass. It feels a bit forced, like I’m being made to take part in something I didn’t ask for and I’m not sure why it needs to be there at all unless I choose it.

AIBU to feel slightly uncomfortable about this? Or should I just let it go as one of those “modern workplace” things?

I told HR that I was still at a very difficult stage in my gender identity journey and I didn’t feel comfortable publicly disclosing my preferred pronouns just yet, and that being given an unsolicited badge with pronouns on was actually very triggering to my mental health…

They apologised and gave me a new badge without pronouns on and pronouns are now optional instead of being enforced!

I have a "foreign" name, and people often misgender me on the phone or in emails. I just politely correct them. No problem, no hurty feelings.
I would rather they misgender me than call myself she/her.

The issue is that we aren't asked to add any other protected characteristics to our emails or work passes.

We were given the option of adding pronouns to email signatures. I opted not to. I don't use them in real life, I respect others choose to and would use someone's preferred pronouns out of courtesy if it came up. Which it rarely does. But I choose not to use pronouns personally or professionally.

Tippex

"it can help to build a picture of the sender more quickly" - is exactly why I don't support the use of pronouns in email signatures. I don't want people building a picture of me before they've interacted with me - it encourages pictures based on prejudices, of which there are many about women.

Throckmorton
It beggars belief that people feel they need to know the sex of their colleagues in order to work with them.

It beggars belief even more that there are people in newsgroups who, if it is not immediately obvious which sex someone is, nidget and pry and go on at them about their sex, and imply that they are unreasonable for not stating it. I watched one such little git doing this on a list I am on, when it is absolutely none of her (she is clear about that) business and the person she was having a go at has said more than once that they don't wish to state their sex.

Urg! People can be AWFUL!

I wonder how safe you are to complain, in a new job?

I’d be annoyed, and prefer not to wear it. I ignore all of this pronoun nonsense. I only use they/them for referring to multiple people, not an individual.

If they're choosing that, it needs clarification- do they mean she when it's the subject, they when it's object (in which case, why not them?) or you can happily switch between she and they, which rather negates the whole linguistic purpose of pronouns, or should you choose one and stick with it?

Though if you choose something like zie, you probably do need to give the entire declension, because you won't have learnt it, whether it's your first language or as a foreign language.

I did have American colleagues who put "she/her/ella" and I was tempted to put my pronouns in a whole range of different languages.

It insulting to people who prefer people to use pronouns normally (based on perception) like me who actively don’t want anyone to think I have chosen “she/her”, I simply am female so she and her are appropriate without my choice.

It’s equally as insulting to the pronoun people who want to actively express a preference. It’s ridiculous, but say you did prefer “they”, how awkward that HR didn’t check first but just assumed.

do they mean she when it's the subject, they when it's object (in which case, why not them?) or you can happily switch between she and they, which rather negates the whole linguistic purpose of pronouns, or should you choose one and stick with it?
I mean, fuck knows, and also imagine the arrogance needed to ask people to wonder about all that shite?

I personally am quite happy to call anyone by their preferred pronouns as I really don't see it as impinging on me in any way. But I would still challenge this as it should be personal choice- people may be 'gender fluid' or may be questioning their gender and may not know how to identify. Or they may not be open about their gender identity in a work setting because they're concerned how people might react. Never mind that it shouldn't be assumed on your behalf. So I would go back and say it should be personal preference.

yep it’s nuts and I say this as a centre left and pretty liberal minded person - I personally think if you go too far catering for every gender obsession you end up with far too many thinking people like Trump and Farage are talking sense - even a stopped clock is right twice a day even if the rest of what they say is populist bullshit. If a person is called Sarah - then regardless of whether they are born Sarah or Simon then we can safely presume they wish to be known as a she/her regardless of whether they were born that way -

"Drawn into a belief framework without consent" - this is so perfectly put. I love it when someone articulates my feelings so well ❤️

Pronouns aren't a protected characteristic. I know gender reassignment is, but if someone has that protected characteristic and is already signing themself off as "Samantha", then adding "she/her" gives nothing new away.

Disclaimer, I hate the whole pronoun business and don't partake in it.

I really don't agree with the compulsory sharing of pronouns on lanyards or emails.
We don't share any other identifying data about ourselves in general on email signatures or on lanyards, most people don't use a title (like Ms /Mr) although perhaps that would be a better idea if people wanted to signal their gender preference, rather than pronouns.
We don't state our sex, nationality, race, if we are disabled (unless relevant for communication purposes), our sexual orientation etc on emails or lanyards. As has been repeatedly observed above, we don't tend to use third person pronouns when speaking to someone directly, so really how relevant is this for most people. If it is important to an individual then they can have it but it is weird and inappropriate to force 'identifiers' on people without reason or consent.

Yet again a case of people not really believing the thing they're told to believe.

Anyone who really did believe it would not dream of assigning pronouns to you without asking.

I’d also ask HR if it could be issued without the pronouns

Sharpie, tipped or sticker. I feel similarly annoyed about having to provide a title on forms. It's unnecessary and unhelpful.

To all the posters suggesting any sort of snarky or even polite complaint, what if @TheNavyAnt needs / wants to keep this new job? There is clearly a power dynamic being exploited by someone by including these on a pass for a new joiner, because any sort of reaction could label her as a “difficult person” and lead to her being quickly managed out.

The power dynamic will shift somewhat in her favour when the probationary period has passed, especially if she also has strong performance reviews. But it does also depend on who wanted the pronouns on the badges, and whether senior leadership has bought in to doing this.

A pragmatic solution might be to cover the pronouns with a Sharpie or a white sticker, but only after the probationary period has ended.

It is ridiculous OP, stating the obvious and completely over the top. I think the onus to have pronouns on a badge should be on people who are not using the obvious, not everybody who is perfectly happy with the status quo.

I would not like this, firstly because I was not even asked, and secondly, because it may make people assume that I am actually a biological male. Confusing and ridiculous!

Are you a female?

Perfectly put. I’d see them at a tribunal before I’d accept this nonsense.

I'd be furious and I'd be sending it right back. They don't even know what your pronouns are and they didn't ask your permission to share them with all and sundry.