To not be happy that my new work lanyard has “she/her” on it without me asking?

[TheNavyAnt]

I’ve just started a new job and noticed that my staff lanyard/pass automatically has my name and “she/her” printed underneath it. Nobody asked if I wanted pronouns added - it was just assumed and put there by default.

I don’t have anything against people sharing pronouns if they want to, but personally, I wouldn’t have chosen to have it printed on my pass. It feels a bit forced, like I’m being made to take part in something I didn’t ask for and I’m not sure why it needs to be there at all unless I choose it.

AIBU to feel slightly uncomfortable about this? Or should I just let it go as one of those “modern workplace” things?

I'd ask for them to be removed. I'd say that I don't feel comfortable with telling other people how they should refer to me, and that my preference is to allow them to use the pronoun they consider appropriate.

Same. Assuming they are your actual pronouns.

Pronouns aren't just a trans issue. It can be useful for lots of reasons especially on email - if someone's sex isn't clear from looking at them, if they have a name that can be used for all sexes, if someone from a different culture or country is contacting you.

But they should have checked with you first, that's very presumptuous.

You’ve been put in the pronoun wanker camp against your will. I’d be absolutely fuming and would be making a fuss, new job or not.

If you are working for a large company or public service with a proper HR dept, you can be direct and go in all guns blazing, as they should know better. If it’s a very small outfit, a Community Interest Company or similar, with no HR dept, I would be more gentle in my approach. Just say you weren’t asked, don’t want it and can you please have a new ID pass. If there is any assumption or pressure to add your pronouns to your email signature, the same applies.

That is really unfair, OP.

It will mean that people who interact with you make assumptions.

I steer clear of anyone who advertises their pronouns.

Let's be real, though: before the trans thing started, no one was worrying about whether they might use the wrong sex for someone with an unfamiliar or ambiguous name and no companies were issuing lanyards or diktats about email signatures about it.

I would email HR and say, I wasn't asked about this, and if I had been asked, I would have chosen not to display pronouns. Please can you reissue my pass, without pronouns.

They can't really insist on it, and if you work somewhere big enough that you have a printed pass, the people who make said passes are not going to give you a second thought. It will just be "Oh, the temp has cocked up the passes again, we'll have to send this one off to the printer again, right, what's next".

You left out one of the main uses of pronouns when displayed in email signatures/on badges/etc by women. They draw attention to the woman's sex and perpetuate stereotype threat which frequently results in detrimental effects on the woman's career. Not a use I'm happy with.

I’d ask for a new one. No one should be forced to comply with this utter nonsense. The more people that shrug it off, the more accepted it becomes.

Surely it depends on all sorts of things, not least attitudes of friends and how much you need the money. If you cannot risk your job at all then being silent maybe best. If you are rich and can easily find other work then an all guns blazing "I don't want people to think I am a homophobic misogynistic clown" might be more appropriate.

This is my stance as well. I'm actually happy for people to 'assume' because it's so obvious. No need to spell it out.

That ruling has nothing to do with this situation.

I find it very difficult to believe an HR department taking this route into inclusion would do something so crass as to issue these lanyards without checking with individuals what their preferred pronouns are. If they aren’t getting that basic thing right, I’d be concerned what other parts of HR they don’t understand

Brilliant. Coined in one.

Of course it's fine to assume pronouns without dare of offence if you're a boring normie of a certain age.

Yes this is utterly silly, I wouldn't wear it.

If this is company policy, then just accept it. Check the company hand-book. If it is, and you still feel it's a cause for concern, then you might find you are not a good for the organisation.

I have to say that before the pronoun craze it was never somethign that caused any problems. The worst thing I can remember, is starting somewhere and someone was called Lynn who I initially referred to as she - I assumed a female - turns out it's an old fashioned men's name in I think Wales. No biggie, no literal genocide or anything, someone just said 'oh he's a man' and the problem was miraculously solved.

The 'big deal' is that it suggests OP supports an ideology that she doesn't believe in. I would point blank refuse to wear a badge with my pronouns on.
Surely if this is about respecting people's preferred pronouns, then it should also be respected when people prefer NOT to use them!?

And if it were company policy to assume your race, religion, sexuality, or Brexit vote, and add that to your work pass?

How convenient for you not to understand the issue, regardless of the fact it has been explained to you multiple times.

You cannot (and must not) force people to recite the catechism for a religion they don’t believe in- at work no less!
Pronoun obedience is a key demand of gender fundamentalists, it is a way of singling out those who are prepared to say they don’t believe it is possible to change sex - for the purposes of harassment. (because of course no one, not even you really believes it is possible to change sex)

Your faux not seeing the problem fools no-one.

If including pronouns is a company policy, and you are dead set against it, you are not a good fit for that company and should not have taken a job there. There is a thing about respecting the company ethos.

Just remove them!! 🤷‍♀️ They cannot make you do it and this would definitely be a hill I’d choose to die on!! Do it today…see what happens…I guarantee that nothing will because they don’t have a leg to stand on.

Unless my job depends on it (and I don't think it does ...... ) I would always refuse to state pronouns.

Recently I was asked how I identify. I replied that I don't identify, but I'm a biological female.

About 18 months ago I was in the Rituals shop in Chelmsford. The shop assistant (who was extremely helpful and knowledgeable) was clearly female, and presenting as female. However she was wearing a badge stating that her preferred pronouns were He/ Him.
To this day I am still wondering if she actually identified as a He/Him or if she was wearing it as a PA illustration as to how bloody ridiculous it all is.
I always hope it's the latter but she was young with bright orange hair so I was completely thrown.

I reckon this was a 'stealth piss take'

Good on her, she was probably making a point! I'm tempted to do the same at times (I was born female and I think this is clear to observers!)

Absolutely this.

This is virtue signalling only. If they cared they would be asking people and giving people the option to opt out. I’m even more furious about this than the idea of being asked about my preferred pronouns.