Page 10 | To not be happy that my new work lanyard has “she/her” on it without me asking?

TheNavyAnt · 2025-04-29T08:03:11+00:00

I’ve just started a new job and noticed that my staff lanyard/pass automatically has my name and “she/her” printed underneath it. Nobody asked if I wanted pronouns added - it was just assumed and put there by default. I don’t have anything against people sharing pronouns if they want to, but personally, I wouldn’t have chosen to have it printed on my pass. It feels a bit forced, like I’m being made to take part in something I didn’t ask for and I’m not sure why it needs to be there at all unless I choose it. AIBU to feel slightly uncomfortable about this? Or should I just let it go as one of those “modern workplace” things?

Lovelyview · 30/04/2025 18:26

SpringtimeClouds · 29/04/2025 12:30

How do you do this? One of my kids has a friend who goes by they/them. I guess I am gender critical (which I’ve never articulated but my kids all know my views on misogyny and women safe spaces etc). Regardless of my personal views, I comfortable enough respecting that they want to be they/them…. But I call them she/her all the time. Even when I’m actively thinking about it. I do have dyslexia and struggle to find the right words sometimes (I’ll say open when I mean close etc). I love taken early retirement so thankfully I don’t have to worry at work because I don’t think I would manage it.

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I find I'm hesitant to talk to my daughter about any of her friends in case I forget who's a they/them. I tend to use everyone's name which make conversations a bit clunky.

JMSA · 01/05/2025 02:34

What a bloody nonsense the whole thing is.

wombat1a · 01/05/2025 03:19

Not a fan of it at all but they can be useful for instance I've worked in a place where there was a Chris, Jamie, Alex, Charlie and from just their names you would never know if they were M or F. Of course it helps to know if they are M ot F because then you don't make mistakes with she/he, her/him in emails. I am guessing the Lanyard name/pronoun is just taken from the HR directory.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 01/05/2025 05:12

If you've just started and don't like the culture it's likely a good idea to leave.

Agix · 01/05/2025 06:50

If those are not your pronouns, complain and get a new pass.

LillyPJ · 01/05/2025 06:58

I think it would be quite funny to ask for a new lanyard and say your 'chosen pronoun' is 'it'.

Ddakji · 01/05/2025 07:04

Agix · 01/05/2025 06:50

If those are not your pronouns, complain and get a new pass.

If she is female then they are the correct pronouns - they’re not “her pronouns” though because that’s not how language works, just as it isn’t “my noun” to call a banana a banana.

We need to kick this absolute nonsense into touch. We learn as babies what the correct pronouns are for male and female people. That’s enough.

LillyPJ · 01/05/2025 07:31

@Ddakji Grammar is prescriptive not descriptive. Sometimes what we learn as a baby no longer applies.

Movingonup313 · 01/05/2025 07:47

It's very important to some people that they are referred to by the correct pronoun - understandably so. If only those people had their pronouns on their cards, it would be singling them out. We are trying to support the minority here who have for years have not been supported. Singling them out would not be supportive - it would have the opposite effect. If the pronouns are the correct pronouns then I dont see the issue here. I see I am in the minority here. We use she/he/them in everyday language and its important to get that right.

It is not the same is putting religious beliefs/sexuality on the staff card as there would be no reason whatsoever in everyday general work conversation to refer to that (save some very specific roles where the employee has put themselves in a workplace relative to that criteria).

If it was sharpied out, as a manager, I would find that incredibly disrespectful. By that, I mean disrespectful to those that we are trying to support. If you don't like the (forward thinking and inclusive) culture of this workplace then perhaps it's not the place for you.

AnSolas · 01/05/2025 07:56

They is a very (or not very) subtle insult in the english language too.

So he indicates personal contact with the person plus degree of friendship and using they in context is othering (to a level just above "it")

The attempt to control other peoples use of sexed pronouns is a powerplay at a higher rank on the 'Respect pyramid' where he plays the same role as a title (Sir/Doctor/Vicar).

Ddakji · 01/05/2025 07:59

Movingonup313 · 01/05/2025 07:47

It's very important to some people that they are referred to by the correct pronoun - understandably so. If only those people had their pronouns on their cards, it would be singling them out. We are trying to support the minority here who have for years have not been supported. Singling them out would not be supportive - it would have the opposite effect. If the pronouns are the correct pronouns then I dont see the issue here. I see I am in the minority here. We use she/he/them in everyday language and its important to get that right.

It is not the same is putting religious beliefs/sexuality on the staff card as there would be no reason whatsoever in everyday general work conversation to refer to that (save some very specific roles where the employee has put themselves in a workplace relative to that criteria).

If it was sharpied out, as a manager, I would find that incredibly disrespectful. By that, I mean disrespectful to those that we are trying to support. If you don't like the (forward thinking and inclusive) culture of this workplace then perhaps it's not the place for you.

The correct pronoun is the one that refers to their sex - he for males, she for females. Humans are pretty good at correctly sexing other humans.

I’m not at work to support people who want to turn me into a liar. They sure as hell don’t support me.

BundleBoogie · 01/05/2025 08:00

Ladybuglamp · 29/04/2025 09:51

Are you a she/her? If so, I don’t understand what the issue is?
It’s helpful for colleagues to know how you like to be referred to. No different from having your name printed on the badge.
I’m sure HR will remove it if you’re genuinely that bothered about people thinking you’re a woman.
I find it really helpful at work (There is a trans woman at my work and not to sound mean, but I would have just assumed she was a he/him if she didn’t have her pronouns in email sig - and I could have ended up really hurting her feelings)

What an amazing example of women working hard against their own interests.

Can you not see the obvious issues with making everyone refer to an obvious man as ‘she/her’ and giving him an entitlement to use women’s spaces?

You may not mind sharing with a man but women are categorically safer in single sex facilities.

Flightfromhell · 01/05/2025 08:14

Movingonup313 · 01/05/2025 07:47

It's very important to some people that they are referred to by the correct pronoun - understandably so. If only those people had their pronouns on their cards, it would be singling them out. We are trying to support the minority here who have for years have not been supported. Singling them out would not be supportive - it would have the opposite effect. If the pronouns are the correct pronouns then I dont see the issue here. I see I am in the minority here. We use she/he/them in everyday language and its important to get that right.

It is not the same is putting religious beliefs/sexuality on the staff card as there would be no reason whatsoever in everyday general work conversation to refer to that (save some very specific roles where the employee has put themselves in a workplace relative to that criteria).

If it was sharpied out, as a manager, I would find that incredibly disrespectful. By that, I mean disrespectful to those that we are trying to support. If you don't like the (forward thinking and inclusive) culture of this workplace then perhaps it's not the place for you.

Enforced display of pronouns is not support that genuinely meant and willingly given, it's fake - but that doesn't seem to matter in a world where nothing is what it seems.

AnSolas · 01/05/2025 08:28

Ddakji · 01/05/2025 07:59

The correct pronoun is the one that refers to their sex - he for males, she for females. Humans are pretty good at correctly sexing other humans.

I’m not at work to support people who want to turn me into a liar. They sure as hell don’t support me.

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And at work you become a We as you bringing your professional self through the door to act on behalf of or as a agent of the Employer.

So We the Employer would like We the Employer to do the reports .....

Any manager who did not understand that while forcing staff to display something (at all times while at work) which is connected to 3 PC is not a forward thinking manager nor are they fostering a forward thinking or inclusive culture.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 01/05/2025 08:33

Movingonup313 · 01/05/2025 07:47

It's very important to some people that they are referred to by the correct pronoun - understandably so. If only those people had their pronouns on their cards, it would be singling them out. We are trying to support the minority here who have for years have not been supported. Singling them out would not be supportive - it would have the opposite effect. If the pronouns are the correct pronouns then I dont see the issue here. I see I am in the minority here. We use she/he/them in everyday language and its important to get that right.

It is not the same is putting religious beliefs/sexuality on the staff card as there would be no reason whatsoever in everyday general work conversation to refer to that (save some very specific roles where the employee has put themselves in a workplace relative to that criteria).

If it was sharpied out, as a manager, I would find that incredibly disrespectful. By that, I mean disrespectful to those that we are trying to support. If you don't like the (forward thinking and inclusive) culture of this workplace then perhaps it's not the place for you.

So in order to support that minority we enforce a practice that has a detrimental effect on women's career progression. There is an established body of research that shows drawing attention to a woman's sex, which inclusion of pronouns does, results in women being taken less seriously and has a detrimental effect on their career progression.

Could you explain to me why that is OK? I'd also like to know why forward thinking and inclusive doesn't seem to apply to women.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 01/05/2025 08:49

Movingonup313 · 01/05/2025 07:47

It's very important to some people that they are referred to by the correct pronoun - understandably so. If only those people had their pronouns on their cards, it would be singling them out. We are trying to support the minority here who have for years have not been supported. Singling them out would not be supportive - it would have the opposite effect. If the pronouns are the correct pronouns then I dont see the issue here. I see I am in the minority here. We use she/he/them in everyday language and its important to get that right.

It is not the same is putting religious beliefs/sexuality on the staff card as there would be no reason whatsoever in everyday general work conversation to refer to that (save some very specific roles where the employee has put themselves in a workplace relative to that criteria).

If it was sharpied out, as a manager, I would find that incredibly disrespectful. By that, I mean disrespectful to those that we are trying to support. If you don't like the (forward thinking and inclusive) culture of this workplace then perhaps it's not the place for you.

It’s not remotely “forward thinking and inclusive” to force people to adhere to your belief system.

JanefromLondon1 · 01/05/2025 08:50

Write nor/mal over the top of it.

BundleBoogie · 01/05/2025 08:55

Movingonup313 · 01/05/2025 07:47

It's very important to some people that they are referred to by the correct pronoun - understandably so. If only those people had their pronouns on their cards, it would be singling them out. We are trying to support the minority here who have for years have not been supported. Singling them out would not be supportive - it would have the opposite effect. If the pronouns are the correct pronouns then I dont see the issue here. I see I am in the minority here. We use she/he/them in everyday language and its important to get that right.

It is not the same is putting religious beliefs/sexuality on the staff card as there would be no reason whatsoever in everyday general work conversation to refer to that (save some very specific roles where the employee has put themselves in a workplace relative to that criteria).

If it was sharpied out, as a manager, I would find that incredibly disrespectful. By that, I mean disrespectful to those that we are trying to support. If you don't like the (forward thinking and inclusive) culture of this workplace then perhaps it's not the place for you.

But the correct pronoun to be used for a man is ‘he’ and for a woman is ‘she’.

We can see what sex our co workers are easily and it actually benefits women professionally not to have the fact that we are female reiterated to the world.

Calling a man ‘she’ gives him a presumed entitlement to use women’s spaces which is again detrimental to women.

Womens needs are again subjugated to men. Women who support this have been sold a dud.

IDontHateRainbows · 01/05/2025 09:47

Movingonup313 · 01/05/2025 07:47

It's very important to some people that they are referred to by the correct pronoun - understandably so. If only those people had their pronouns on their cards, it would be singling them out. We are trying to support the minority here who have for years have not been supported. Singling them out would not be supportive - it would have the opposite effect. If the pronouns are the correct pronouns then I dont see the issue here. I see I am in the minority here. We use she/he/them in everyday language and its important to get that right.

It is not the same is putting religious beliefs/sexuality on the staff card as there would be no reason whatsoever in everyday general work conversation to refer to that (save some very specific roles where the employee has put themselves in a workplace relative to that criteria).

If it was sharpied out, as a manager, I would find that incredibly disrespectful. By that, I mean disrespectful to those that we are trying to support. If you don't like the (forward thinking and inclusive) culture of this workplace then perhaps it's not the place for you.

So everyone has to change so that less than 1% of the population don't feel singled out?

Where else do we do this with any.other minority group?
Why can't the trans accept they are different? Are they ashamed?

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 01/05/2025 09:52

IDontHateRainbows · 01/05/2025 09:47

So everyone has to change so that less than 1% of the population don't feel singled out?

Where else do we do this with any.other minority group?
Why can't the trans accept they are different? Are they ashamed?

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I see it that it literally makes no difference to me whether I have them on my lanyard or not.
I don't care if they're on or not, it's not changing anything for me if I had them on mine.

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 01/05/2025 10:00

CandidRaven · 29/04/2025 13:54

I don't understand why it's needed, surely people just call you by your name not she or her? Seems like a pointless addition when a name is enough

Do you use someone's name every time in a sentence?

"I'm going to ask Tom if Tom is working tomorrow "
Would get a bit clunky, I'd end up getting more confused at having to say his name every time there should be a pronoun! 😁

BundleBoogie · 01/05/2025 10:01

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 01/05/2025 09:52

I see it that it literally makes no difference to me whether I have them on my lanyard or not.
I don't care if they're on or not, it's not changing anything for me if I had them on mine.

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But it IS changing something for you by normalising the concept of men identifying as women and all the associated detriments to women.

I understand that you may not be able to see it though.

LastTrainsEast · 01/05/2025 10:11

If we're going to have compelled speech let's make it fun.

I demand everyone start each sentence with Wibble and end it with WibbleEnd.

"Wibble good morning Fred WibbleEnd"

"Wibble nice weather we're having, Mary WibbleEnd"

"it is yes"

"You bigot you didn't show me the respect of using my magic words. I'll have you fired for this."

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 01/05/2025 10:15

LastTrainsEast · 01/05/2025 10:11

If we're going to have compelled speech let's make it fun.

I demand everyone start each sentence with Wibble and end it with WibbleEnd.

"Wibble good morning Fred WibbleEnd"

"Wibble nice weather we're having, Mary WibbleEnd"

"it is yes"

"You bigot you didn't show me the respect of using my magic words. I'll have you fired for this."

😂 Go for it lol
At least you'll give everyone in your workplace a good laugh right before they back away slowly from you 😁

Ddakji · 01/05/2025 10:20

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 01/05/2025 09:52

I see it that it literally makes no difference to me whether I have them on my lanyard or not.
I don't care if they're on or not, it's not changing anything for me if I had them on mine.

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But it’s not about you as an individual. It’s about the impact at organisational level, the impact across all staff.