To not be happy that my new work lanyard has “she/her” on it without me asking?

[TheNavyAnt]

I’ve just started a new job and noticed that my staff lanyard/pass automatically has my name and “she/her” printed underneath it. Nobody asked if I wanted pronouns added - it was just assumed and put there by default.

I don’t have anything against people sharing pronouns if they want to, but personally, I wouldn’t have chosen to have it printed on my pass. It feels a bit forced, like I’m being made to take part in something I didn’t ask for and I’m not sure why it needs to be there at all unless I choose it.

AIBU to feel slightly uncomfortable about this? Or should I just let it go as one of those “modern workplace” things?

My first thought too 🤣

YANBU

There’s no way I would agree to wearing this.

As an aside, I’ve always wondered why ‘she’ and ‘her’ are both necessary? If you’re a she, surely you’d automatically be a her too?

I’d love to do ‘she/him’ for a laugh. That would confuse them 😂

Yes we do. We use pronouns all the time. It's just in face-to-face conversation it's mostly first and second person - I, me, mine, we, us, our, you, you, your, etc. And if people are speaking directly to me, I do expect them to use "you" without me prompting in, unless I'm teaching an English class to people for whom it's a new language.

I would be rather hacked off it my lanyard had pronouns on, too. I'm in a male-dominated field, and while I expect everyone to know which pronouns to use for me without me telling them, I also don't need to emphasise that I'm different, because it's generally not relevant. What's relevant is whether I have the knowledge for whatp

I have been misgendered at work - I've been called Sir by staff who haven't really been paying attention. They're usually more embarrassed than I am when they realise. But that is less annoying than when I was assumed to be a secretary rather than technical staff because I am a woman.

I like pronouns, when included discretely, on an email signature as, like a previous poster said, when you have emails from many other countries it can help to build a picture of the sender more quickly and support the language used when referring to them.

However they seem entirely redundant on a pass and UANBU to complain that they both made an unprofessional assumption and decided it was appropriate to publicise it without your consent.

I think it would be perfectly reasonable to go back, point this out, and ask for a corrected pass.

And there is a thing about respecting the law. Which companies have to do.

Gender critical beliefs are worthy of respect in a democratic society.

A work ethos that forces ideology on employees and is sexist and regressive to female staff, not so much.

I think people massively underestimate how often we use pronouns about other people in their hearing, or in written communications that they will see. I work with some they/thems, and nobody ever remembers to call them that. I very often hear "he" and "she" about these people, including times when they are present. Hilariously, it's often people who have pronouns in their own signatures who forget. I'm hyper conscious of it because I think it's all bollocks, so when I'm around the they/thems, I'm hyper aware of avoiding pronouns entirely.

Never accept things which fuck women over.

I would send it make and ask them to change it to "me/I"

Yes, and also, know your your worth. I have skills my employer really needs. I'm a decent colleague and people like me. If I say "please can you reissue my pass, I didn't ask for this", they're not going to want to antagonise me. Not everyone is in that position, but let's not overestimate the average employer's appetite to piss off their reasonable, valuable employees for the sake of pronouns. I've pushed back on these things before and nobody's ever said "Well if that's how you feel you can take your skills elsewhere".

Quite. I've spent my entire adult life fighting the notion that my sex is in any way relevant to the way that I do my job. I've also been on the receiving end of sexual harrassment and discrimination in the workplace. Why the hell would I deliberately draw attention to my sex? Turkeys and Christmas spring to mind.

My hard line on this is No. No signatures, no rainbow lanyards, no grandiose announcements, no nothing. It's one thing to demand, by dent of organizational policy that could see me fired for a breach, that I address others by the name they prefer, and that I don't use a pronoun they don't prefer (I avoid she/he/they entirely wherever possible).

It's quite another to police the language I use to describe myself, or attempt to lump me into a category (cis) I do not recognise and do not accept.

As they say in Scotland, 'get tae fuck'.

It's acceptable to ask if you want pronouns on there and if so which ones.

It's not acceptable for them to choose the pronouns by which you'll be addressed?

Surely that's kind of the opposite of the point of all this 'self identify as a different sex' business? Their equality officer or whatever needs some fairly basic training. 😂

You should ask it to be changed to "her majesty".

It can't be company policy. They may well have a policy that states names and pronouns must be used as preferred, and (until this month in any case) that people may use the facilities they feel most comfortable with.

But it isn't legal to force people to declare pronouns. They can only 'strongly recommend' it.

Thank you, Maya Forstater. 🍹

It’s depressing that so many people on this thread think that preferred pronouns are actually a thing.

They aren’t, and this idea needs to be booted out of workplaces sharpish.

Pronouns don’t belong to individuals to chop and change as they choose. They are a part of language, which is a shared, collective endeavour, belonging to all, and they have clear definition - she for females, he for males.

Forget - I wasn’t asked - this simply should not exist as a concept at all!

Also, if you're that worried about what HR will think of you, remember they have far bigger fish to dry. At any given time they are probably dealing with...

Mary who has a grievance against Bob
Keith who has a grievance against Mary
Susan who is unhappy about how her return from mat leave was handled
John who is lobbying for the company to use carbon neutral suppliers and vegan caterers
Amira who wants a dedicated prayer room
Dan who is asking for disability adjustments
Kathy who has been off sick for half the year

and so on ad infinitum. A polite request for the reissuing of a pass is probably the best thing that's happened to them all day!

"Actually you should have put that I identify as Roger on Wednesdays - can you please put that on my lanyard so I don't have to keep remining people???"

They should certainly have asked
I said I don't see it as a big deal in itself. Evidently others do.

I’m sure HR will remove it if you’re genuinely that bothered about people thinking you’re a woman.

Now you know you're being totally disingenuous, don't you?
It's precisely because OP knows there's no dispute she's a woman that she doesn't want to display her pronouns on a badge.
Just because a tiny minority do feel the need to, shouldn't mean that the rest of the population has to automatically fall in line.

15 years ago nobody was thinking about this bullshit.

By using pronouns we are buying into a bullshit ideology, once that says anyone can identify as whatever they say they are.

I won't put them on my signature or lanyard or anywhere and it's depressing that this has become so ingrained that anyone thinks it's normal. It isn't!

How do you do this? One of my kids has a friend who goes by they/them. I guess I am gender critical (which I’ve never articulated but my kids all know my views on misogyny and women safe spaces etc). Regardless of my personal views, I comfortable enough respecting that they want to be they/them…. But I call them she/her all the time. Even when I’m actively thinking about it. I do have dyslexia and struggle to find the right words sometimes (I’ll say open when I mean close etc). I love taken early retirement so thankfully I don’t have to worry at work because I don’t think I would manage it.

Some people do have bollocks like 'she'/'they' 🙄

Always handy to know the company you work for has drank the kool aid. 🙄

I'm not sure how I'd approach this but I'd feel exactly the same.

Is it a white background? If so I'd possibly just put a plain white sticker over it and go about my business.

Oh the irony of trying to be inclusive by just assuming that the OP is she/her. Hell would freeze over before I’d wear that.

You could kick up a stink about it. Or you could have just used a bit of sharpie on it and moved on in the time it took for you to make this post

Surely if they can tell by looking at you that you're a She / Her, so can everybody else and therefore nobody needs to have it spelled out as it's bloody obvious.

I spend my whole life trying to be taken seriously DESPITE my female-ness, I don't feel the need to draw attention to it as it has absolutely zero bearing on how I do my work or how anyone at work should interact with me.