To feel that breastfeeding is undermined?

[Olive96]

I am currently breastfeeding my son. I can’t help but feel that in an effort to reassure formula feeding families, breastfeeding is totally undermined.

for the record, I think it’s totally fine to feed babies however you want but the truth is that I chose to try extremely hard to breastfeed because of all the benefits. People will say things like ‘formula is so good now there’s basically no difference’ etc. are these statements true or just an attempt to justify (which I don’t think is necessary) FF.

I am proud of persevering with breastfeeding - even saying that I feel like I’ll get flamed, but it’s true - it did take a lot of effort and perseverance, it was hard! and I want to be able to say that and be proud of the achievement without being accused of being up myself or out of order.

I’m starting to feel flat about there being no point to it at all

Exactly

i suspect people just inwardly groan when they see the op coming because they know she’s going to want to talk about or shudder “debate” about breastfeeding

when they just want to go for a coffee and have a chat about holidays, plans for the weekend, return to work, and maybe what was on tv last night!!

Op you have a 6 month old baby

most people by then really are done with navel gazing about how they choose to feed their baby and excited about weaning (or indeed something else!)

What aspects of society being unhealthy do you think are due to differences between BF and FF babies? I am a scientist, so I would be keen to see the research backing up what you are saying.

Most often at the moment people will ask if I’m ’still’ breastfeeding, ask me why I’ll say something along the lines of ‘it’s working for us, I actually really enjoy it’ and I’ll also talk about how my baby won’t take a bottle. They’ll go on to tell me why it’s okay to stop, the benefits to me/my sanity/my relationship/my uneven breasts of doing so and tell me how formula is basically exactly the same.

at that point it would be completely unacceptable for me to discuss the benefits of continuing, which is why the conversations feel a little one sided and exhausting!

Are you familiar with the actual statistics?

The extreme lack of sleep that came with breastfeeding wasn’t easy, but I persevered because I wanted my baby to live, and live a healthy life.

Breastfed babies are also less like to grow up to be obese, amongst many, many other benefits.

You’re weaning now op or about to

and still all these people are wanting to talk about breast-feeding or formula feeding

bloody. Hell. Really? 🤔

People just love to judge mums. I combi fed so I genuinely had it from both sides. I think if a person is inclined to be shitty and judgy, they'll pick at anything.

I had bf evangelicals judge me for also using formula. But I've also been asked, to my face, "don't you just feel like a cow" (by my mil) and told to bf in a corner at a baby group in case I "trigger" the other mums", one of whom went on to (loudly, so I'd hear) proclaim "formula is amazing, they only do it to feel better than us" 🙄

Oh and when they get a tas older, it's the blw/spoon/pouch/everything organic made from scratch arguments- which is also just a pointless way of judging mums!

Who are these “people”?

and how often are we talking op (if we put the hyperbole to one side for a minute)

Maybe I’m at the wrong baby groups - it is me doing the shuddering everytime I feed my baby and someone asks me why im still breastfeeding 🤣 - it’s at this point I’d like to be able to discuss it positively but I don’t feel it’s acceptable to do so

No, I didn’t feel that.

I probably did feel that given the pressure to breast feed you weren’t actually supported to do it.

I actually found breast feeding v restrictive vs those bottle feeding, and this was always just waved away / advice ‘oh just pump’ (as though it’s that easy) and my baby would never take a bottle. This meant I couldn’t leave my baby at all until they were something like 6 months old.

Friends, other mums at baby groups etc. I’m not sure how often, often enough for me to consider it?

Mortality rates, obesity rates, brain development. There are many studies, with startling statistics.

e.g.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6230484/

There are many other examples.

I think this is in the same camp as being proud you gave birth with minimal intervention. The latest research I believe, suggests there are some health benefits the baby gets from moving though the birth canal which a CS baby does not. There was a huge thread on here last week about the morality of elective CS. In my view, the benefits on an individual level are not so great as to outweigh the negatives of a prolonged or traumatic birth or a months long painful or impossible slog of breastfeeding (if you are not lucky enough for it to go well). As others have said, feel pleased for yourself and baby but don't be looking for a pat on the back that implies you're better than others.

I agree that a message of "bottle is great, breast is best" would be helpful, but that's not the message. It is literally just "breast is best".

I also think we should trust women enough to tell them that the benefits of BF are tiny, and observable only on a population level.

Errr yes the stats are everywhere. The risk is negligible. And co sleeping exhausted in a hot bed with duvet to facilitate breast feeding increase the risks far more than formula.

What causes obesity is over feeding and lack of exercise hence weaning and the years after breast feeding being waaaasy more important to health than breast feeding. Breast feeding doesn’t give you some magic protection pill if you eat pies and do no exercise.🤣

And there really aren’t many, many other benefits to breast feeding worth making a mother and baby miserable. Thankfully we now live in n age where we have a good safe alternative to breast feeding.

This is so weird
so you regularly attend these groups
you are an outlier breastfeeding
and despite being 6 months on, this is still being raised regularly

surely weaning is the topic for discussion? (Or what happened in white lotus? Or what’s going on at work? Or summer holiday plans?)

are these friends op? Or just people you see once a week briefly at a baby classes?

are you planning on returning to work soon?

Like I said, I know people still at it with their 11 year olds!

Yes but I read a professor saying that if you co-sleep the rate of SIDS is significantly higher - and looking purely at statistics, it is better to FF and not co-sleep than it is to bf and co-sleep, based on SIDs risks.

Just adding that because while not all bf mums co-sleep, a lot more do than FF mums in my experience.

A mother's mental health in the early days is also proven to have a huge impact on baby's development, intelligence etc throughout life. So basically looking at the evidence I think if FF makes someone happier and they don't co-sleep, it's probably a lot better for baby's development. The benefits of bf don't exist in a vacuum.

Also I have both bf and FF my DC so I don't have a huge vested interest in one or the other. Really it's good for women to have that choice and do what they think is best

bloomin heck.

are you weaning?

op, the very fact you feel so flat and considering giving up because of this would indicate you maybe have bigger issues to address regarding your confidence

HE I bet

People who actively choose formula over breast must have some kind of madness if they actually look at the ingredients list.

however, I would say the UK pushes breast more

Banging on, not feeding said 11 year olds!

When our eldest son was around six months old and some friends asked how he was, I replied 'He's still alive'.

A couple of people replied that they considered that to be 'the bare minimum' or 'low expectations'.

I felt that was a major fucking accomplishment.

I didn’t co-sleep, again, because I wanted my baby to live. No one should be co-sleeping. No one should be FF when they could be breastfeeding.

As someone who had a horrendous time breastfeeding and persevered, I don’t share your experience at all.

Whenever I’ve spoken with professionals or other mothers, I only got approving comments. I’ve never had anyone say I should have given up and used formula. However, I don’t feel the need to go on about it or make comparisons. Because I know how hard it can be and I acknowledge that I was in a privileged position to be able to continue (not everyone can afford to hire hospital grade breast pumps for months and buy lots of different supplements, gels and whatnot to see what helps).

Maybe you share your experience in a way that comes across as regret, that’s why you get that response.