To feel that breastfeeding is undermined?

[Olive96]

I am currently breastfeeding my son. I can’t help but feel that in an effort to reassure formula feeding families, breastfeeding is totally undermined.

for the record, I think it’s totally fine to feed babies however you want but the truth is that I chose to try extremely hard to breastfeed because of all the benefits. People will say things like ‘formula is so good now there’s basically no difference’ etc. are these statements true or just an attempt to justify (which I don’t think is necessary) FF.

I am proud of persevering with breastfeeding - even saying that I feel like I’ll get flamed, but it’s true - it did take a lot of effort and perseverance, it was hard! and I want to be able to say that and be proud of the achievement without being accused of being up myself or out of order.

I’m starting to feel flat about there being no point to it at all

You got me! Although the clue was probably in that I know the parents of my DS's friends 🤣

Sorry?by HE I meant home educators

No one should be co-sleeping!

A mixture of both friends and randoms honestly! I’m not saying it happens all the time, just that it’s happened enough in my 5 years of parenting to muse on it. People do still ask me how long I fed my first baby for - I wouldn’t dream of asking sometime how long their baby drank from a bottle!

I am returning to work when my baby is closer to a year old, and I plan to do the same I did the first time around - BF when we are together for as long as they are interested 🙂

Fed is best.

Please please don't let it get to you. Breast is great if you can do it. But not everyone can. Formula is hard work in a different way.

Baby days are short, try to enjoy these days because they won't last long. You'll be weaning and dealing with a toddler before you know it.

Be proud that you've managed to create a baby 👶 woman that is something special!

Enjoy your baby, fed is best!

@Olive96 you’re not alone in this. Once a baby is 6 months the questions about when you’re stopping come out… and the scapegoating. Parents feel like they can’t possibly say they enjoy breastfeeding or that it is a parenting tool that works for them.

I work with lots of parents and tbh, the decisions we make as parents are so wrapped up in emotions. As new parents our sense of self shifts so dramatically. It’s been likened to a second adolescence. When someone else makes a decision that is different to ours it can feel like a judgement. This can continue for decades (anyone had a grandparents say ‘we didn’t do that you turned out fine.’) Like it or not we do seek validation of our choices.

As for being proud of breastfeeding or overcoming challenges… yes be proud. It’s your emotion feel it.

I had a friend run the London marathon yesterday, we’re both runners. She’s trained so hard and overcome so much to run that race yesterday. Should she feel proud? Hell yeah she should. It doesnt mean im any less, or a worse runner because I haven’t run a marathon.

No I know they shouldn't, I didn't. But every person I know who bf co-slept, so it's way more common than in FF babies

They really should formula feed if their baby is not thriving and mother or baby or both are miserable. Struggling with breast feeding can bring all sorts of risks. My PND group was full of mums struggling with it who should have switched to formula far earlier.

Some people find breast feeding incredibly difficult without co sleeping, I was one.

I am the parent of adults and the choice between formula and breast feeding is the single least important parenting choice I’ve made in 21 years.

Are you honestly feeling so “flat” that you’re considering jacking it in? Or was that hyperbole?

surely you’re weaning or about to now?

you are giving the impression now that this issue is being thrust upon you. A touch different from your Op!

A little bit of weaning yeah, not huge amounts!

I’m not considering giving up! I just feel flat about been told it’s okay to give up - which I know, I don’t want to and I have reasons that I don’t feel able to talk about so it just feels a bit meh

This is really weird at a baby group! And if they are asking you if your baby is only 6 months, because you can tell them WHO recommends until 2 years of age, which I'm sure is common knowledge unless these people are really thick or have an agenda. I'd be going to another group, that is not normal at all, it's really not a thing to care or ask questions about.

I did a mixture of both and tbh it was FF that received the negative judgement. The pro breast feed lobby can be very militant about it, without recognising that bf can be really hard and quite painful for many women. There was an undertone of it not mattering if the mum suffered so long as the baby got breast milk.
My last child was 17 years ago and my health visitor made me feel like shit because I couldn't sit in bed all day, eating and resting, so my milk supply would increase - I don't know who she thought would be looking after my other dc while I did that all day!

If you live in a country with clean water and access to sterilising equipment, I honestly don't think bf is the thing which makes the most difference to children's outcomes, esp once you're past the initial colostrum and passing immunity stage. Maternal wealth and health are probably bigger indicators of outcome.
In short, I don't think people should feel pride or shame either way.

Then they’re bad parents. That’s no reflection on the enormous health benefits of breastfeeding.

Well I was exclusively breastfed for a year and don't think I have ever had any of the benefits from the statistics. My exclusively formula fed husband never gets ill, fit, has a great job, very clever.

Stastics aren't always significant and don't always translate to real life.

I don't judge anyone who puts the effort into breastfeeding, it's a great thing to do. But don't harp onto others about the benefits because that’s YOUR personal decision and others can do as they please.

Exactly

and op is suggesting that this is a regular and pervasive thing, to such an extent that it’s making her feel like “no point”!!

I mean… surely by now the chat has well and truly moved on from this utterly boring issue!

This is a long time ago now but I felt judged for both options. I FF my first after a traumatic birth and no help establishing feeding from midwives.

When I went out with my bottles I came under fire from the Breastapo.
They would be super nice but always wanted to educate me on the benefits of BF, how FF was damaging (!) and how to re-establish feeding after a break etc. I stopped going to NCT meetings because of them. I know it's not damaging! - DS is an adult now and absolutely fine but I did feel guilty.
My second was born in a different country and the culture in hospital was so different. Breast-feeding (if you wanted to) was established before you went home. However, doing it out and about was frowned on and I was asked to move a few times and told I should use bottles! So I felt judged for that choice too. You really can't win. Someone always has an opinion.

At least it's better these days - no-one can tell you to stop BF or they are breaking the law.

Yes, we home educate, although we've never experienced it I'm under the impression that most parents of secondary aged kids don't know the other parents in the cohort whereas we do. That's all I meant really!

To be fair, FF isn’t always easy. My first born was premature and was in hospital for ages learning to take a bottle. The day he took a full 90ml bottle without choking or vomiting was the proudest day ever for me and I high-fived the nurses. I think as a parent, there are loads of choices you make and you have to be happy and confident that it’s the right thing for you and your kids and stop giving it a second thought what anyone else might think. I’m proud that my now 3 year old ate sea bass and egg fried rice at the weekend and that is something I persevere with because I think diet is so important but I don’t talk about it with anyone in real life (probably because most people honestly don’t care what your kids eat)

No I’m not considering jacking it in. Fair point if my OP is different to how the conversation has developed - 7am is clearer than 5am I guess 🤣

You and your husband are literally just two people.

“The average woman in the UK is 5’ 3”.”

”But I’m 5’ 5”!”

I notice my tiktok is full of breastfeeding co-sleeping mums following that safe sleep 7 thing ...

Agree it's much more common

Yeah, pretty sad if this is a topic after 6 months, sounds boring as hell 🤨

You can keep saying it - doesn’t make it true. The conversation is still active in the circles I find myself in - whether you believe that or not. Therefore I feel within my right to discuss on this thread, if you have nothing to add other than ‘surely the conversation has moved on’ then please do move on!

I breastfed until mine self-weaned at 2 and I’ve never felt like this. I didn’t discuss breastfeeding with anyone, other than my husband and visiting midwife in the very early days. I just got on with feeding my baby the same way as I did changing their nappy and so on. Some mothers get evangelical about certain things: cloth nappies, baby-led weaning, barefoot shoes, or in your case, breastfeeding.

With all the struggles being a new parent brings, breastfeeding didn’t feature on my list of things to be proud of. And now that he’s nearly 4, who would even know he was breastfed anyway? Oftentimes things happen as our children grow up that quickly put all of this into stark perspective. I wouldn’t focus so intensely on breastfeeding- it really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

Formula is a miracle of the modern age. It should be available free on prescription while proper support for breastfeeding should be more widely available.

Op

are you honestly feeling very flat and like “no point” to carrying on

or was that you exaggerating?