To feel that breastfeeding is undermined?

[Olive96]

I am currently breastfeeding my son. I can’t help but feel that in an effort to reassure formula feeding families, breastfeeding is totally undermined.

for the record, I think it’s totally fine to feed babies however you want but the truth is that I chose to try extremely hard to breastfeed because of all the benefits. People will say things like ‘formula is so good now there’s basically no difference’ etc. are these statements true or just an attempt to justify (which I don’t think is necessary) FF.

I am proud of persevering with breastfeeding - even saying that I feel like I’ll get flamed, but it’s true - it did take a lot of effort and perseverance, it was hard! and I want to be able to say that and be proud of the achievement without being accused of being up myself or out of order.

I’m starting to feel flat about there being no point to it at all

I got surrounded by three other mums at a group once to comment on how I shouldn’t have to breastfeed my baby before and after the class and that he wasn’t getting the best from me if I was tired all the time. I didn’t even know them. I would have never have commented on their method of feeding their baby, but all I’ve ever actually witnessed in the wild is people criticising breastfeeding. My SIL even offered me leftover formula as if we couldn’t afford it and acted like I was mad.

Try La Leche League, they have loads of great breastfeeding advice

I guess it depends where you are.

I’ve lived in two countries and had my three in the UK and even though “breast is best” has been said for years, formula is still promoted and even pushed if you dare choose to breastfeed past weaning despite the WHO recommendations.

”Fed is best” is true, but the reality is women are judged regardless.

Did anyone say anything outside of a healthcare setting?

No-one's going to pat you on the back for breastfeeding your baby, apart from maybe the baby's other parent.

It's like when people expect others to recognise their 'weight loss journey' and the struggles it caused them.

No-one else is really bothered although it's certainly a personal achievement.

The underlying problem is that there are lots of misunderstandings around breastfeeding. A lot of women feel guilty that they ff as their ‘milk didn’t come in’ or ‘baby wasn’t getting enough’, not understanding that needing to feed frequently does not mean that you don’t have enough milk. There are cases where it really doesn’t work but misinformation plays its part. This is not a criticism - we need to be better informed (by health professionals) in pregnancy and beyond. This then leaves people feeling upset/guilty etc so some project onto bf mums.

Due to the follow on milk advertising, a lot of people think bf is something you do for 6 months and that any longer than that is ‘weird’. I had a friend laugh and question me for bf my son over one year but I knew it was coming from her own upset over not being able to breastfeed. Even before she arrived I was nervous that he would ask and dreading her reaction.

Both ways of feeding have their challenges. I’m glad I didn’t have to make bottles during the night or wash bottles etc. I do understand where the OP is coming from though. When you’re told there is not much difference it does make you think what was the point then? Your body has already been through the ringer giving birth and then you push it to feed, have bouts of mastitis etc, to have people saying “just give him a bottle” and “you’re STILL bf!?” Is demoralising.

For the record, I have never commented on someone ff their baby but I have experienced it the other way around.

It’s not about wanting a pat on the back, it’s about not wanting to be questioned and judged.

Same applies for those of us who chose to use formula and didn’t try bf.

14 years on Mumsnet has taught me it's really only formula feeders who are questioned or judged.

I think the OP wants what she's saying to be true, but really I'm getting the 'Only breast feeder in the village' vibes.

Exactly. No one should ask or comment and if they do “I want to” or “I didn’t want to” are acceptable answers.

Were you questioned about it by anyone other than health professionals?

It is true though in my experience. I’ve never witnessed someone being judged for ff in ‘real life’.

Thankfully no but it was before Mn and forums like this. I can imagine Mn comments if I’d posted that I’d decided whilst pregnant to use formula and wasn’t going to try bf.

This is such a weird take. Why is it so hard to believe that both mothers giving formula and mothers breastfeeding sometimes receive shitty questions or comments that make them feel judged for their feeding choices or needs? Some mothers who combi-fed even explained earlier on that they have been on the receiving end of judgey comments when breastfeeding and when giving a bottle!

I was very confident in my decision to only use formula so would have torn a strip off a breast feeding mother challenging that I hadn’t made the best decision

I have honestly always thought it was the other way around if anything! Either way, I wouldn’t worry about it. Neither deserves a special badge for being “the best” or “the hardest”. Fed is best and all mums are wonderful.

I have found on Mumsnet that it is frowned upon to present breastfeeding as anything but a struggle. I found it mostly easy, and I have learned not to contribute when people ask for help.

But the benefits are only true at population level not individual level. As another poster said you can line up a class of kids and not have a clue who was formula/breast fed.
for what it’s worth I tried so hard with both of mine and failed. Not through lack of trying but with CMPA and awful tongue ties (multiple cuts for both of them) my mental health was worth more than breastfeeding but it’s taken years for me to stop feeling bad about it because of people like you who think you are superior to everyone because you could breastfeed a baby

Same with me with formula - so straightforward and easy but better not to mention that.

See, the ff comments are often perceived, or by trolls online, rather than experienced in person.

Good, but bf mums can’t fight back to comments as it is perceived as smug etc.

Not really sure what your point is really. Seems a bit like a gloating thread that your somewhat better than someone else.

You do you and what works for you and your family. As long as babies are fed and loved it shouldn’t matter. Good for you for tying but it is easier for some women for various reasons so part of that is down to luck so not really something to be proud of.

I suspect this OP has struggled socially at these groups on a broader level than just this non issue

@LadyTable- I disagree. If you look at this thread- the only judgment or negative comments are from those who FF, to present BF’ing positively gets jumped on- read the comments and tell me you see that differently? I did both- I wanted to BF, it didn’t work out due to several issues, I moved onto FF. But anyone who is proud of their BF’ing seems to get jumped on with a lot of I couldn’t and now you’ve made me feel bad by being proud and ‘smug’ or I didn’t want to so why are you judging me. I don’t understand why women who do can’t be proud of it, same as anyone else who has to choose to (or want to) feed their baby differently.

Yes, that's very true. It's frowned upon to even say you BF on MN. It's a very strange place sometimes