To feel that breastfeeding is undermined?

[Olive96]

I am currently breastfeeding my son. I can’t help but feel that in an effort to reassure formula feeding families, breastfeeding is totally undermined.

for the record, I think it’s totally fine to feed babies however you want but the truth is that I chose to try extremely hard to breastfeed because of all the benefits. People will say things like ‘formula is so good now there’s basically no difference’ etc. are these statements true or just an attempt to justify (which I don’t think is necessary) FF.

I am proud of persevering with breastfeeding - even saying that I feel like I’ll get flamed, but it’s true - it did take a lot of effort and perseverance, it was hard! and I want to be able to say that and be proud of the achievement without being accused of being up myself or out of order.

I’m starting to feel flat about there being no point to it at all

I’m starting to feel flat about there being no point to it at all

are you really that easily swayed op?
you’re at the very start of your parenting journey and you seem to be incredibly vulnerable and easily influenced

Breastfeeding is fine, formula feeding is fine.
babies who are fed are best.

I think too many mummy’s get caught up in wanting praise for feeding their babies.
just feed the baby and don’t worry about what anyone else thinks

I can see both sides of this having done both. I felt incredibly judged when it didn’t work out with my firstborn so was utterly amazed to feel even more judgment for making it work with my second! Without me saying a word, mothers of all ages felt the need to tell me how they fed their babies 30 sometimes 40 years ago. I smiled politely and nodded along but felt like saying “I truly don’t care, I wanted to breastfeed so am doing it”.
I think everyone would do well to remember that it’s not necessarily breastfeeding mothers who are judging how you feed your baby, we are not responsible for how the midwives are told to promote it nor what’s said elsewhere.
My second born is now in their teens and I genuinely can tell absolutely zero difference between the two. What I can remember is how unbelievably hard it was to breastfeed sometimes with the pain, night wakings and judgment from people saying “formula is just as good you know”. I wish people would just leave others to feed their children however they want - it can be such a sensitive subject.

With kindness, there is very little point at all. The benefits of BFing are limited and infinitesimally small. If you wanted to BF, then it's great that you fed your baby the way that worked best for you, and you can be proud that you did something hard. Well done!

but I’m not saying I want to talk about it constantly - it’s more being exposed to conversation/debate about it and feeling as though I’m the bad guy in that so have to keep my mouth shut about my experience

alternatively op, people are just bored by you wanting to talk about it.

i breastfed.
end of.
i really didn’t want to spend time chatting about it and I’d have distanced myself from as other mother wanting to have a long conversation or worse still debate about it

It’s not me starting these conversations!

There’s plenty of women who tried just as hard as you or harder and it still couldn’t work for them so yes it is good fortune. You come across as obnoxiously smug.

I have a severely disabled child who was breast fed. He regressed at 14 months old. He is now 9, he's spoon fed and wearing nappies. Life is hard, do what works for you and mind your own business!

Are you familiar with the statistics regarding SIDS rates in breastfed vs FF babies?

If you truly can’t breastfeed, then that’s what formula is there for. It shouldn’t be chosen for convenience or preference.

BF is fine. FF is fine. Both have their practical challenges and emotional burden. It’s not a competition and smug posts like yours are what drive the discord and issues in discussions online. Women can choose to feed however they want, and there is no need for judgement or celebration either way.

Well that person is weird. Next time respond back with, why wouldn't I continue? If she's got an issue, don't make it your issue. She's truly stupid if she's trying to make you feel bad for BF, but I really don't think anyone would do this, so perhaps you're misreading the situation

Yessss, it’s those comments! I want to be able to navigate the challenges of Breastfeedings without feeling like I can’t consider them challenges because if I do why wouldn’t I just FF?

does that make sense 🤣

Nope. As a mum, as usual, you get judged no matter what you do.

Breastfeeding isn't always ideal in modern life. We don't have lots of family living under one roof to help with other children. People need to return to work etc... so that's why there is becoming more understanding of people choosing formula.

I understand the science but people can have their own opinion on BF and it's benefits through their own experiences. I haven't personally seen a difference in the children I know depending on how they were fed. And it's ok for me to feel that way.

Too much policing and judgement with feeding babies imo. If people want to think formula is good enough for their children, then let them? If you agree breast is best and want to do it exclusively, then that's absolutely fine. Everyone has a different way of thinking.

I’m starting to feel flat about there being no point to it at all

Why do you need validation from other people? Of course there's a point to it, you know there is - you've said yourself about the benefits of breastfeeding.

Why do you need other people to say that for you to think there's a point? Who cares? You did what was best for you and your child.

This.
I get fed up with the constant conversations around it. Feed your baby however you want to, don’t judge others, that’s it really.

I tried very hard to bf my dc but both were c section babies and my milk didn’t come in. I remember having 3 solid days of my dd screaming before thinking wtf are you doing just give her a bottle. I did then persevere with pumping for a further 3 weeks so I had the worst of both worlds before I posted on here in despair and so many kind posters reassured me it was ok to give up. It was like I needed permission.

My stance is breast may be best but our happiness and sanity was better.

My kids being privately educated isn’t good fortune either. We worked extremely hard to be in a position to do this. Considerably harder than breastfeeding is, for the record.

But financial fortune isn’t just linked to hard work, people on the NMW work really hard too, you say? Never in this world….can’t be possible! I want recognition for the fact that my work is harder, because I get more money for it.

That is basically what you’re saying.

FF isn’t the easier option. Running downstairs through the night, heating up bottles while small baby screams, worrying about sterilising when out and about or on holiday, worrying about sterilising and temperatures in general….worrying about formula running out…and what if the formula doesn’t agree with the baby and you need special formula? That sounds EXHAUSTING, and so much more stressful than breastfeeding.

I’m sorry that you have some kind of main character syndrome. You’re feeding your baby the way you want to. You’ll dress your baby the way you want to, school them the way you want to, and make many other decisions that you want to in their life.

I say all of this as a mum whose kids have never had a drop of formula, and who is really passionate about breastfeeding. I was confident in my own choice and didn’t care what anyone else said or did. My mind also boggled at how complicated FF sounded, compared to baby cries, whip out boob, baby stops crying.

This sounds plausible. I definitely have experienced a lot of moaners who never stop bringing up how hard breastfeeding is for them. The same conversation again and again any time someone asks them how they’re doing. I don’t question why someone hypothetical might want to continue breastfeeding, but I sure as hell question why they specifically do.

Yeah I would take completely the same stance!

i think im in a position now my baby is older where i feel like I need permission to continue? And I don’t feel like I can defend continuing without being accused of being smug 😣 feels like a catch 22!

The thing is that it’s no longer necessary to breastfeed if you either can’t or don’t want to.

So if you’re putting yourself through hell to do it then that’s a choice and frankly boasting about how much you persevered to get BF established is just self congratulatory righteousness on how you made yourself a martyr.

If you wanted to breastfeed then fine.

If that means you spent 24 hours a day attached to a baby with no ability to be able to pass to someone else, had bleeding nipples and whatever else, then that was your decision.

I wanted to bf and couldn’t, as is the same with a large number of the population.

People talk about how if you persevere then you’ll get it right, but the reality is that before formula emerged the infant mortality was much higher because in the case of women who couldn’t breastfeed the babies simply died, unless those women were wealthy enough to be able to afford a wet nurse.

The benefits of bf are negligible compared to formula on an individual scale, so if you don’t want to put yourself through the martyrdom that is breastfeeding then of course you don’t have to.

But people do because it is the natural way to feed a baby. Not because they want to say they persevered or whatever.

Oh do stop with the scaremongering.

SIDS is rare, very rare and formula-fed babies are not automatically at a higher risk if they follow safe sleep practices. Studies suggest a slight increase in SIDS risk for formula-fed babies compared to breastfed babies so there is a minuscule chance , but this increase may be related to other factors rather than the formula itself. Co sleeping brings huge risks. I couldn’t have BF without co sleeping which raised our SIDS risk up.

So do not bring ridiculous scaremongering into conversations about formula feeding.

If you lay your baby on its back, don’t let it get over heated, don’t co sleep or smoke or take drugs and use a dummy your risk of SIDS is negligible. Formula does in no way cause SIDS.

If you feel like you need permission to do anything with your own child then that's a you problem as much as other people.

Work on your self esteem. It really doesn't matter what other people say.

But you said earlier you WANT to talk about it and process your own experiences without being accused of boasting.

Which is it? Maybe those people sense you want to talk about it!

Huh

so take me through these multiple occasions? Is this with friends? At baby classes?

what actually happens?

sorry - want to be able to talk about it in a situation where people are talking about it. Not actively wanting to seek out talking about it

If you are so proud and confident in your feeding method then why do you give a toss about formula? If you feel undermined by such comments you are going to find the next 18 years of parenthood pretty tough.