To feel jealous of a puppy?

[Onlythedoglovesme]

I’ve been with my partner for a year and very much in love. We have had a great time traveling, bike riding and hiking and had planned lots this summer, I was hoping we would go abroad together. I love dogs but don’t have one as I love travel, I had one when I was married but I think the puppy days led to my divorce as it kept us apart. My new partner and I spend most of our time together and talk about moving in together. I have my kids half the time, good relationship with ex husband. My partner loves dogs and has wanted one for years but never been settled enough. He told me out of the blue this weekend he was going to see a puppy - 8 hours later he had seen the puppy and rung me to tell me he is getting a dog. A week after this news the puppy arrives. My first reaction was not good, total shock and I feel really thrown, I burst into tears and couldn’t speak. I can’t believe he didn’t talk it through with me. I would have been happy and said it’s a good idea, but I feel he hasn’t considered my feelings at all. I feel a fool and that I have misread the relationship as more serious than it must be to him. He says he only heard about the puppy a day before telling me and this is because he feels so happy and content. I don’t want to be negative or spoil this amazing moment for him but I am really hurt, my life has changed massively without my consent. Am I being unreasonable? Will we ever travel again? Is it the end of the road?

Is jealousy the right word?

Does he live with you? If so he should have consulted you, if not then entirely up to him.

Oh don't be so wet!
You were in so much shock that you couldn't speak? It's not as if you are living together and this puppy has suddenly become YOUR responsibility.
Massive overaction.

wow what a nutty post. Your life has changed without your consent and you BURST into TEARS? How on earth are you real.

Why would you never travel again?

Are you usually so dramatic?

I think you need to sit down and think about how you really feel. On one hand you say if he had asked you, you would have said it’s a good idea. Then you’re so shocked you can’t speak and reduced to tears and questioning the whole relationship because he didn’t ask you. Even though you don’t live together and aren’t married so he doesn’t need to ask you.

It’s all a bit over dramatic.

Way over the top reaction. You don’t live together and even you plan to a dog won’t stop you from travelling. I know many people that still trace that have dogs, they use dog sitters or have family to watch them when they are gone. And sometimes they take the dog with them it’s not that serious.

We practically live together (most social life together and at my house when my children are with me, his when they are not). I am really surprised by how strong my reaction was and am asking for some sense of what’s reasonable, please be kind.

It's a bit of an extreme reaction to a puppy. I'm assuming your boyfriend will be a good owner and won't neglect or harm this puppy. You say you have been together for a year, so I'm assuming you don't live together, so won't be responsible for the dog.

Do you think you could possibly be projecting the demise of your marriage and your ex's dog onto this puppy. Sounds like you still have some unresolved issues.

Of course you can travel if he has a dog. Dog sitters, kennels, I have looked after two dogs for friends recently. One visiting family and another a prolong hospital stay. My retired neighbour looks after her adult children's dogs when they travel.

Yes I think it’s brought up a load of puppy stuff from before. I am being tongue in cheek about travel, I know it’s possible, I look after other peoples dogs when they go away. I am worried more about the fact ge made such a big decision without talking it through than I am about the puppy.

Does your boyfriend have kids, @Onlythedoglovesme ?

TBH didn’t think to consult my partner, who I don’t live with but who I’ve been with for many years, before getting a dog because it would be living with me and I’d be the one caring for it, so what was to consult about? I told him when it was a done deal, and that was that.

No but lots of close family who are (very happily) part of our lives

Firstly, I’d be concerned at what sort of breeder he has got the dog from. Good breeders, if there are any really, have long waiting lists and check out the people they are selling the puppies to. Good potential owners plan for a dog, they don’t just decide and then get one within a week. Poor dog.

If he sees a future with you, he should have discussed getting a dog with you as the dog will inevitable mean more planning when you want to do things or impact how you feel about moving in together at some point in the future as the dog may be around for 15 ish years.

I’d be concerned at being with someone who was so impulsive, didn’t discuss things with me and didn’t seem to have much thought for animal welfare,

But how has your life changed because of this puppy. You both run separate households with your own children. It doesn't matter how much you socialise together, you don't live together and he is entitled to get a puppy without consulting you. It's not your decision. You are reading way to much into - I wanted a dog, one came up and ta da here it is.

So he doesn't have kids?

Has he met your kids? Is he involved in their lives?

I suppose my feeling is that by entering a relationship with someone who has kids, your boyfriend will probably have to be quite accommodating or your commitments and priorities. More so than you would have to be of him and his puppy.

It does seem a bit of a spur of the moment decision on the one hand. But on the other hand, you KNEW he loved dogs and had long wanted a puppy. So it was probably an issue which was going to raise its head eventually.

Going to wedding on my own as puppy will be too small, summer trip cancelled, no more evening bike rides or motorbike trips. There will be different trips which will be fun too but it’s a lot of change. I have two cats.

It’s the impulsiveness I am more freaked out by

It’s a friend of the family, he spent three hours with the puppies watching them all interact. He grew up with dogs and is an incredibly responsible person with animals, I can’t believe it’s so sudden as he plans things normally

But in your original post you said he had wanted a dog for years but hadn't felt settled. That implies he has thought about it. That it's not impulsive, he just didn't consult you.

You can still do stuff - it's a puppy not a terminal illness.

YANBU. He’s an idiot for getting a puppy just because one came up. They’re as needy as small children and you had all these lovely plans… he’s just committed to 10+ years of responsibility. If you’re a serious couple with plans for the future he should have thought of how this will affect you and involved you in the process.

I'm a bit confused why it's upset you this much. Is it that you think he should have asked you and it was a joint decision? like you're upset that he made the decision himself rather than asking you "should we get a puppy?" It's also odd that you said "the puppy days led to your divorce"-- what?? I've never heard anyone say they got divorced because of a puppy before ... If you don't actually live together I don't think he needed to ask you... And of course you can travel. He can get friends/family/a kennel to care for it.

@IDipYouDipWeDip you sound very judgmental. How do you know he hasn’t got the dog from a good breeder - just because they had puppies still available?! Also it could just be a mongrel lol. Also OP said he’s wanted one for years but chose not to get one until he felt settled so hardly sounds like a bad owner does it? 🙄

Exactly this. Had he said ‘a puppy has come up I would like, what do you think? It’s a big decision for us both…’ this would have felt very different.

So? ‘Good’ breeders don’t just have spare puppies as they have a waiting list. It’s not responsible to get a puppy as quick as he did. Three hours… 🙄