To feel jealous of a puppy?

[Onlythedoglovesme]

I’ve been with my partner for a year and very much in love. We have had a great time traveling, bike riding and hiking and had planned lots this summer, I was hoping we would go abroad together. I love dogs but don’t have one as I love travel, I had one when I was married but I think the puppy days led to my divorce as it kept us apart. My new partner and I spend most of our time together and talk about moving in together. I have my kids half the time, good relationship with ex husband. My partner loves dogs and has wanted one for years but never been settled enough. He told me out of the blue this weekend he was going to see a puppy - 8 hours later he had seen the puppy and rung me to tell me he is getting a dog. A week after this news the puppy arrives. My first reaction was not good, total shock and I feel really thrown, I burst into tears and couldn’t speak. I can’t believe he didn’t talk it through with me. I would have been happy and said it’s a good idea, but I feel he hasn’t considered my feelings at all. I feel a fool and that I have misread the relationship as more serious than it must be to him. He says he only heard about the puppy a day before telling me and this is because he feels so happy and content. I don’t want to be negative or spoil this amazing moment for him but I am really hurt, my life has changed massively without my consent. Am I being unreasonable? Will we ever travel again? Is it the end of the road?

Arguably, the OP having children makes this couple's life less carfeee than if there were not dc. It suits the partner to have a dog. If the partner and relationship doesn't suit the op any longer she's very free to walk away.

Nonsense do they have “long waiting lists!” Just this weekend we have got a new puppy from a very good, Kennel Club registered breeder and I looked her up on the Kennel Club website just a few weeks ago! She’s been a Kennel Club registered breeder of this particular breed for 40+ years. Neither did she “check (us) out!” thats not within her remit. People regularly travel up & down the UK to registered breeders! How on earth do you think a breeder could travel to visit every single purchaser? That’s batshit. Truly!

Making things

@Frequency You stay at at Airbnb, go out for the day. Leave your dogs in crates or in one room in a strange place and then pop back hourly to check on them? Or do you pay someone to check on them? Either way, sounds like nonsense, as is the rest of your post sorry.

The OP sounds very needy and demanding, and more than a bit dramatic. I suspect her boyfriend has bought a puppy so he can use it as an excuse to gain some breathing space. And I think, deep down, the OP suspects exactly the same hence the huge overreaction?

What did you say when he told you he was going to see the puppy? Surely that's when you mention your concerns? If you felt it wasn't your place to say anything, perhaps you're already aware you're being unreasonable.

However, I do get why you're feeling put out as a dog is a huge lifestyle change and it would have been reasonable for him to get your input. Perhaps if you didn't speak up he assumed you were fine with it, especially since you already look after other dogs.

Have to say I’m kind of thinking along the same lines after reading the thread… seems like he’s taking a stand by making a decision for himself because it’s ’his life’, and the dog will give him a reason to start saying no to things like travel and weddings?

yep

It’s very worrying you think that being a KC breeder, with years of experience, makes someone a good breeder.

Good breeders do have waiting lists - mine for my latest litter is over two years. I already have people enquiring about my litter after (which won’t be until Novemberish 2027). All prospective owners have to meet me, and my dogs, in person before I even consider putting them on my list. I vet them (video house tour, bank statements etc). I do not know any breeder, who I would confidently recommend, who does not do most of that. I likewise don’t know any good breeder who doesn’t have wait lists. None of them would sell to a random person who popped up on a whim and certainly not without doing some serious checks.

Speaking to a breeder is basically a job interview - and if it’s not, the breeder is one you should swerve. They should want to know everything about you because they should want to know their puppies are going to good homes.

I know a KC breeder. She was ‘assured’ she had bred for 30 years and she had ten breeding bitches at one stage and no dogs over the age is six - why? Because she was a puppy farmer. Being KC and having been a breeder for several years does NOT make someone a good breeder.

It’s genuinely shocking how little effort, time and energy people put into trying to find the healthiest puppy they can.

Based on your one experience, you don't believe good and responsible breeders have waiting lists?
Maybe you got lucky that the breeder you found had a litter with availability. Or maybe they actually weren't that great a breeder if they didn't check you out. A truly responsible breeder wants to know about the home that every single puppy they breed is going to. That doesn't mean travelling to you, it means asking detailed questions about you, your home, your family, your lifestyle, so they can be confident they are matching the right puppy to the right home.

You'd hate me. Both my last dogs I acquired without any preplanning or consulting my husband. Fortunately he loves them. In an ideal world we'd take in more.

Oh dear. Your lack of knowledge in this area is showing. The fact that you think kennel club registered means much at all now is laughable. And where did I say they visit potential owners homes? Come back to me when you have some real knowledge and experience in this area other than looking someone up on the KC website and getting a puppy from that same person just a few weeks later and declaring they’re a ‘very good’ breeder. 🤦‍♀️

I don’t think he should have to ask you, but do think he should have told you what he was thinking in advance. I agree with everyone saying you shouldn’t get a dog on a whim, and that responsible breeders need to find out about potential owners over more than a week. Otherwise you can be in for all sorts of complications, behavioural and medical, which in turn can be a huge future expense.

A bit of an over-reaction considering you said that you thought it would be a good idea.

Some great tips!

How has your life changed? Do you live together? I personally don't understand your meltdown over a boyfriend of one year not asking your permission to buy himself a dog.

All of those can be done with a dog... You are being terribly dramatic over a non-issue.

And that would be entirely his prerogative too, of course.

It’s not the puppy, it’s that he’s gone and made a major change that’ll impact you without even asking.
The thing is, you don’t live together so he might think he didn’t need to ask you? He probably doesn’t think it will affect you that much.

Are you thinking he doesn’t love you/see a future with you? or see the relationship progressing?

I do thinking bursting into tears is a bit OTT, is there anything else going on? I can see you be a bit annoyed, but your reaction is a bit much. Not saying that to be unkind, but because it doesn’t seem entirely justified.

By the way, has he had dogs before? I’m wondering if he has thought it through and is making a mistake.

Do your children come on these wonderful bike rides, hiking and travel adventures too? What happens if you are invited to a child-free wedding as presumably, they are going to this one tht the puppy has ruined?

Typically, if we're in an Airbnb, it is because we've gone somewhere suitable for the dogs and we want to spend time with them, but we have left them (not crated because they are not crate trained) in properties, with the owner's permission for the occasional evening meal. If we were going somewhere, they wouldn't be able to join us for the majority of the time we were there, we'd use a pet-sitter who would stay at our house with them. There's also the option of using a pet-sitter local to the Airbnb or a doggy day care close to the Airbnb. It takes more planning, but having a dog does not mean your social life needs to end or your life needs to revolve around the dog and only the dog.

Obviously, you would use your common sense and walk the dog beforehand, ensure they have their own bed and favourite toys, and that they are not left for too long, but for a well-raised, well-socialised dog, being left alone for short periods shouldn't be an issue.

And socialisation is about a lot more than meeting people and dogs, it is going to new places, experiencing new stimuli and activities, and raising a confident, balanced, and adaptable adult dog, which can include staying in "strange" places and getting accustomed to bike rides and motorbikes.

I think you should talk to him
about your concerns, how getting a puppy helped to lead to divorce in your marriage and that frightens you a bit that it will put space between you. Ask for some reassurance that the changes to your trips and travels is only temporary, the dog will grow up in a year then you have more options for kennels or family members looking after it while you go on holiday.

Ok but your cats will flip. Cats can live with dogs if they get used to them over time. It takes months of daily exposure for them to feel safe with a dog. Ad hoc visits won’t work. Also puppies don’t settle well away from home so you might have some broken nights. I say this as a multiple dog and cat owner.

I can well understand this. You’ve got to a stage in life where you have some freedom again-weekends without kids and now you’re seeing that possibly going again. You’ve had puppies/dogs before so aren’t naive to the fact that they take time/commitments and do impact on what you can/can’t do and especially without notice. I’d feel the same.

So because your breeder has a waiting list and you perceive them as good, you’ve declared all good breeders as needing to have waiting lists?! I’ve been to our breeder’s house twice, met the family, seen where the puppies were kept, met both dog parents and have all the certificates & family tree of our dog! I’ve even spoken to the stud owners and previous adopters who were there with their previous dog - one of whom was a champion at Crufts last year. She’s a fantastic breeder who loves her dogs and what she does. She only has one bitch from whom this is the 2nd and final litter.
Personally, a breeder having a ‘waiting list’ sounds more like a puppy farm/production line than a decent loving breeder who puts care and time into the litters they nurture.

Oh and when I enquired about our puppy initially, he was one of only two available as the other 5 had all gone to previous adopters. 5 repeat ‘customers’ of one litter sounds like a well regarded breeder to me!