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Original poster

To feel jealous of a puppy?

157 replies

Onlythedoglovesme · 28/04/2025 00:07

I’ve been with my partner for a year and very much in love. We have had a great time traveling, bike riding and hiking and had planned lots this summer, I was hoping we would go abroad together. I love dogs but don’t have one as I love travel, I had one when I was married but I think the puppy days led to my divorce as it kept us apart. My new partner and I spend most of our time together and talk about moving in together. I have my kids half the time, good relationship with ex husband. My partner loves dogs and has wanted one for years but never been settled enough. He told me out of the blue this weekend he was going to see a puppy - 8 hours later he had seen the puppy and rung me to tell me he is getting a dog. A week after this news the puppy arrives. My first reaction was not good, total shock and I feel really thrown, I burst into tears and couldn’t speak. I can’t believe he didn’t talk it through with me. I would have been happy and said it’s a good idea, but I feel he hasn’t considered my feelings at all. I feel a fool and that I have misread the relationship as more serious than it must be to him. He says he only heard about the puppy a day before telling me and this is because he feels so happy and content. I don’t want to be negative or spoil this amazing moment for him but I am really hurt, my life has changed massively without my consent. Am I being unreasonable? Will we ever travel again? Is it the end of the road?

OP posts:
CaptainFuture · 28/04/2025 06:50

Onlythedoglovesme · 28/04/2025 00:33

It’s the impulsiveness I am more freaked out by

Show quote history

Would you not say your relationship is 'impulsive' though?
Only been together a year, yet he's met your kids, is living with them when you have them, youre living at his when theyre not.....
after only seeing each other for a year you think he should be consulting you in all his plans?

Gundogday · 28/04/2025 06:52

I kinda get you. You had a nice relationship before, that worked for you, and involved doing things, semi-living together and having a nice life. Now there’s a puppy, things will change.

Akso, has he thought this out? Ie. The practicalities. Whos going to look after the puppy when he’s at work? Do you want a puppy staying at your place? Etc The spontaneous days out have gone.

We’ve got a dog. It’s one of the most stressful things we have done. He’s now two and easier but it’s confined us a lot.

I’d be worried that he got a dog so easily also.

RoadtoVima · 28/04/2025 06:59

You have kids and cats and I imagine that much consideration needs to be given to your own responsibilities.

Your boyfriend gets a puppy and you burst into tears..! I suspect this is coming from a selfish place OP, rather than you being triggered over puppy and demise of your marriage. It sounds like this relationship works very much on your terms and this new puppy has just changed all that.

Snoken · 28/04/2025 07:20

If a boyfriend of 1 year thought he had any say in whether I got a pet or not it would definitely be over between us. You seem to think he should be completely at yours and your kids disposal and not have any of his own responsibilities that could interfere with how flexible he can be to work around you. This is a very young relationship and if it is going to have any chance of surviving you need to let him have autonomy of his life and not try to slot him into yours.

Init4thecatz · 28/04/2025 07:32

Lol, 'I have two cats and kids, so give them a lot of attention... but because my partner got a puppy, I'm worried he's no longer going to give me his undivided attention'.

Motomum23 · 28/04/2025 07:37

Actually I can see where you are coming from - he's basically thrown a spanner into your usual life without so much as a by your leave and is expecting you tp roll with it. My advice op would be to roll with it ONLY as much as you a prepared to and no more.... if you want to go on an evening bike ride or a trip abroad do it - don't make his new responsibility yours!

Picklechicken · 28/04/2025 07:37

If you have two cats do you really want the puppy coming over? I can see why you’re annoyed. And I love pets! It’s changed the dynamic of the relationship.

SamDeanCas · 28/04/2025 07:46

I think you are seeing the upcoming change in your relationship.

No more travelling abroad, uk travelling will be different and data nights and nights out will look very different.

How do you feel about the dog being at your house? If you spend a large amount of time at yours you will have to accommodate the dog.

Tbh it doesn’t sound like he’s done a great deal of research, or he not that bothered about your relationship changing, or worst still he doesn’t give a shit about it changing

Original poster
Onlythedoglovesme · 28/04/2025 07:51

Picklechicken · 28/04/2025 07:37

If you have two cats do you really want the puppy coming over? I can see why you’re annoyed. And I love pets! It’s changed the dynamic of the relationship.

My old dog comes over, mums dog, dogs I look after, I love dogs. It’s not the dog, it’s the change and the way he didn’t discuss it. I wouldn’t ever veto it, it’s his choice and his life and I would have supported it but this has rung alarm bells.

OP posts:
TwinklyOrca · 28/04/2025 07:51

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WithOnlyTheMemories · 28/04/2025 07:53

I think I'd be annoyed and upset by this too OP. Getting a dog is basically a huge life long (for the life of the dog) decision and he's gone ahead and done that without consulting you at all. Not even running it past you or discussing it with you.

If I was with someone and thought it was pretty serious and we had a future together, I'd expect big life decisions to be discussed. Especially if I had cats! I have two cats and there's no chance I'd regularly have a puppy in the house - they'd be traumatised.

WithOnlyTheMemories · 28/04/2025 07:55

This reply has been deleted

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It's really not unhinged to expect a major decision like this to be discussed with a partner. The lack of discussion would really be a huge red flag for me. He doesn't care about how the puppy affects the OP because he doesn't see them as a unit.

Ragwort · 28/04/2025 08:01

You sound ridiculously dramatic and needy ... you've only been together for a YEAR? Unless that's a typo. And he's already spending time with your children in your home, you are holidaying together etc etc ... I don't understand why so many women (& some men no doubt) rush to have these incredibly intense and serious relationships so soon after a marriage break up especially when there are children involved.

And when does a 'boyfriend' become a 'partner'? Seemingly after ten minutes according to so many threads on Mumsnet.

WithOnlyTheMemories · 28/04/2025 08:04

Why are people saying a year like it's a week?

I'd never waste a whole year of my life on someone if I didn't think we were pretty serious and had a future.

nomas · 28/04/2025 08:05

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How nasty.

He has effectively decided they’re both getting a puppy, given how much time he spends at OP’s.

Anyone would have reservations.

nomas · 28/04/2025 08:06

Onlythedoglovesme · 28/04/2025 07:51

My old dog comes over, mums dog, dogs I look after, I love dogs. It’s not the dog, it’s the change and the way he didn’t discuss it. I wouldn’t ever veto it, it’s his choice and his life and I would have supported it but this has rung alarm bells.

Show quote history

I would stop him bringing the puppy until it’s trained.

DaisyChain505 · 28/04/2025 08:06

So you’re bringing the baggage of children from a previous partner to the relationship and expecting him to accept that yet you’re crying over him getting a dog?

slamdunk66 · 28/04/2025 08:09

I’m a huge dog lover. I have one who I adore. However I can totally see your point. Dogs are a huge commitment and they do impact what you can do on a daily basis and unless you have family/ friends who can help when you want a weekend away or longer holiday it can be a nightmare. My dog does not do well in kennels and I can only go away if my parents have him and I wouldn’t leave him for longer than a week, so no far flung places for us.

WithOnlyTheMemories · 28/04/2025 08:10

DaisyChain505 · 28/04/2025 08:06

So you’re bringing the baggage of children from a previous partner to the relationship and expecting him to accept that yet you’re crying over him getting a dog?

That's comparing apples and oranges. The op entered the relationship with children and her partner accepted that presumably. Now he's made a big life decision, that affects her, a year into the relationship, without consulting her. There's not a chance in hell I'd be ok with it and I'm baffled by everyone who is saying the OP is wrong.

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 28/04/2025 08:11

I’m guessing you were upset because he made a big decision that will
impact your life and your future together without talking with you. It’s dismissive of your feelings. Perhaps just have a chat with him about your expectation to be consulted in the future on any major decisions, so you can make joint decisions.

Snoken · 28/04/2025 08:11

WithOnlyTheMemories · 28/04/2025 08:04

Why are people saying a year like it's a week?

I'd never waste a whole year of my life on someone if I didn't think we were pretty serious and had a future.

It is when you have kids. For the kids sake they shouldn't rush in to create this pretend family where he lives with her when she has her kids. A year is too short to get to know someone properly hence why OP is now in a position where she feels blindsided because the boyfriend doesn't see them as one unit but she does. It's called transference love. OP has got divorced, found a new guy and slotted him in as her new "husband" and "dad" to her kids with the same expectation she would have on a long term partner when he is just a boyfriend.

DaisyChain505 · 28/04/2025 08:15

WithOnlyTheMemories · 28/04/2025 08:10

That's comparing apples and oranges. The op entered the relationship with children and her partner accepted that presumably. Now he's made a big life decision, that affects her, a year into the relationship, without consulting her. There's not a chance in hell I'd be ok with it and I'm baffled by everyone who is saying the OP is wrong.

Show quote history

If the OP was to be the one getting a puppy for her children and she posted that her boyfriend (who doesn’t live with her) was saying he was jealous and unhappy about this, posters would be up in arms saying it was controlling red flag behaviour and that she shouldn’t have to not get a puppy because of what he says.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 28/04/2025 08:17

I think people are being a bit disingenuous here. I know loads of people who won't use kennels or sitters as their dog doesn't like them, won't leave the dog alone because the dog gets anxious and ruins the house, don't go out much because they ha e to be around to let the dog out etc

If spontaneity, spending lots of time away from his house, and travel eg motorbike trips ha e been a big part of this relationship so far, then it's inevitable that there will be changes to your relationship now. And I think it's completely normal to be upset that one person in the relationship makes a decision that changes the things you value in the relationship and affects how you spend time together, without consulting you or even apparently considering you or the effect on your relationship.

myplace · 28/04/2025 08:17

I love dogs and would immediately squeal and fall into line as a puppy slave.

However, he has apparently assumed he’ll bring the puppy to yours, house train it at yours, let it chew the toys/electronics/wires and furniture at yours? My house still shows puppy damage from my 13yr old dog, despite my best efforts he regularly got at things he shouldn’t have including my phone and my tv remote.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 28/04/2025 08:23

It's a dog. It's not as if he's adopted a family of twelve and decided to move to Utah.

Is it possible you have so many issues with it because having a dog means that the men concerned are showing they're able to love and care for something/someone other than you?

You could always buy a motorbike yourself if you're that upset about not going on long rides.