To feel jealous of a puppy?

[Onlythedoglovesme]

I’ve been with my partner for a year and very much in love. We have had a great time traveling, bike riding and hiking and had planned lots this summer, I was hoping we would go abroad together. I love dogs but don’t have one as I love travel, I had one when I was married but I think the puppy days led to my divorce as it kept us apart. My new partner and I spend most of our time together and talk about moving in together. I have my kids half the time, good relationship with ex husband. My partner loves dogs and has wanted one for years but never been settled enough. He told me out of the blue this weekend he was going to see a puppy - 8 hours later he had seen the puppy and rung me to tell me he is getting a dog. A week after this news the puppy arrives. My first reaction was not good, total shock and I feel really thrown, I burst into tears and couldn’t speak. I can’t believe he didn’t talk it through with me. I would have been happy and said it’s a good idea, but I feel he hasn’t considered my feelings at all. I feel a fool and that I have misread the relationship as more serious than it must be to him. He says he only heard about the puppy a day before telling me and this is because he feels so happy and content. I don’t want to be negative or spoil this amazing moment for him but I am really hurt, my life has changed massively without my consent. Am I being unreasonable? Will we ever travel again? Is it the end of the road?

You have had a very hard time on here OP. YADNBU to feel this way.
I was in a similar situation -he bought a dog on impulse (yes had apparently wanted one for years, but his lifestyle was not compatible with owning a dog) and it was a knee jerk to buy a puppy when he saw a cute one.
In my case -we were two years into a relationship in 2023, and he had suggested we get a dog together two years later in 2025. Then he just bought one -with no thought as to the restrictions it would place on both of us.
End of our relationship.
He thought I would come round to the idea as the puppy was so cute, but his total lack of consideration for me was the clincher.
Dump him OP - this is the hugest red flag you could get.

I do understand, I think you have enjoyed time with him largely responsibility free whilst kids are off at their Dads and now there is a puppy you’ll have to make plans around it and it will limit you.

Thst said I think he’s had to work around your responsibilities for the past year so it feels unfair if he has to fo all the compromising.

You can break up or see how it goes.

Sigh. @EmmaJane2025

I AM a breeder - that was very clear from
my post. I’d be a pretty poor puppy farmer at one litter every two years or less! 😂😂😂 I don’t think you understand that people with wait lists have wait lists because they’re good breeders (I.e they rarely breed and do so very selectively) not because they are puppy farmers. Puppy farmers churn out puppies every few months, good breeders only one every few years (hence the wait list). You then say that your breeder sold to previous owners, which would imply those people waited for puppies specifically from your breeder - which by your logic makes her a puppy farmer?

I find it incredibly interesting you claim you met both parents AND spoke to the owner of the stud - who is apparently not owner by the owner of the bitch. Really Unusual for the stud to live so close to the bitch, and be owned by someone else, and be amenable to meeting and speaking with prospective owners. Equally surprising that owners from previous litters are willing to speak. That’s incredible good luck - you might want to invest in an Euromillions ticket.

Separately, that’s what they’re called - owners, not adopters.

My friends DH has just got a puppy and she’s never been keen. And yes, there are dog sitters, house sitter that can be used for holidays, nights out etc, her problem is that he now doesn’t want to use these facilities. He doesn’t want to leave the dog alone. It has changed their relationship, and she now holidays a lot more with friends as he simply doesn’t want to leave the dog.

This! To all those airily suggesting those things, they need endless hassle and ££££. And owners are always reluctant to leave the dog.
I have a friend I never see now because she doesn’t want to use those services and can’t spontaneously join us (as those other who have kids every other week can -on their weeks/weekends off.) The OP’s bf has been able up meet her child-free in her time off -she won’t ever get that from him now.

Exactly! And this man spends most of his time at OP’s, so likely expects the puppy to be with him at OP’s.

I bet OP will end up cleaning up puppy accidents and walking it.

With all respect @LandSharksAnonymous , because I do really respect your experience and perspective as a breeder: it's really not that unusual to be able to meet the sire, especially for rare breeds (the community is very tight and people are willing to travel). I own a Kooiker and the breeder organised a "meet the families" day when the pups were 7 weeks old, and she also invited the stud and his owners, they came from Holland because they were curious to meet the puppies and the owners.
I contacted her to ask when she was planning her next litter shortly before the pups were born. She did have a wait list, but we've been lucky to not have to wait at all, as it turned out to be a big litter (11!) with eight males (most people prefer females). We've been vetted, of course. The Kooiker community is tiny, and she's definitely not a puppy farmer. So while your opinion and experience is very valuable, I think you could try to accept that other approaches are also feasible and not necessarily harmful.

Sorry for the offtopic.

Yes there’s other stuff going on, I am full of hormones and I think some recent medication has made me depressed and anxious. This is why I want to know if my reaction is reasonable. He grew up with dogs but has never had one as an adult, this is the right breed for his job, it’s not the dog it’s the fact he didn’t talk to me about it.

@GelatinousDynamo oh I agree. I just find it interesting that this poster got so defensive and started listing all these things that Google AI tells you to look for when you meet a litter of puppies…

Meeting the breeder, owner of the stud, owner of another dog from the litter seems so unlikely - outside of a very rare breed - that I do struggle to believe it happened (particularly in such a short span of time after the poster started looking…)

Don’t be ashamed of your reaction. To you, as your previous marriage broke down over a dog, this choice warns of the limits to this relationship. Your subconscious makes the link.

He told me the morning of seeing the puppy, ten minutes before I had to get the children out of the door to school. There wasn’t any space to raise any concerns. I said (once I got myself back together from an hormonal tearful moment) it’s exciting you feel ready to get a dog, maybe it won’t be this dog, there’s a lot to think about. The next thing was a call on the way back from seeing the puppy ‘I can’t believe I am getting a dog’

My mother loves her dog more than me and her grandchild and prioritises its comfort and wants over that of her daughter and grandchild so I don’t find your response extreme. But I’m projecting!!

You definitely need a conversation. Are you on the same page for a start. Maybe you’re not.

And if you are - why didn’t he consider your future and include you, is he always going to be this sporadic, is life with him going to be full of him making decisions that you have to go along with or will you be a team?

You might be accused of ruining his new dog moment. Maybe give it a week.

that's what's bothering you - not the puppy literally but the changes in your life together..... perhaps it makes you feel you've invested more in this relationship than him if he is happy to make changes without discussing it with you (perhaps you also like to be in control and like your routine, perhaps you have unprocessed emotions from the ending of your marriage)

But you would t have ‘been happy and said it was a good idea’ would you? Not if you were being honest.
I agree that as you seem to see a future together he should have talked about actually getting a dig, not just about wanting one, but I bet he just got excited as the opportunity just fell in to his lap so to dirán. And unless you had specifically said how much a dog disrupted your life before, he assumed you’d be delighted too.
They are a responsibility and work initially. But not sure why your whole life has to be put on hold. I recommend Trustedhousesitters.com. They are free (with annual fee of around £150) and come live in your house and look after any pets. I’ve used them twice saving me thousands, and a couple friends have used them successfully too.
As for bike rides etc - why not? You have to train a dog to be used to being in its on for certain periods.
So yes, I believe he should have talked it through with you, but be honest and admit you really don’t like the idea. But it seems a done deal and you just have to work around it. If he trains it properly you can still do loads of things together, and loads of things with the dog!

The evening before this announcement we were at my house with my old dog as I was looking after him for my ex, we had a conversation about how much I miss the dog in which i explained getting a puppy was the end of the marriage. It was absolutely in topic and an appropriate time to talk about it. When the dog had been picked up I even asked him what was up as he seemed preoccupied. Plenty of right moments for an ‘I have been sent details of a puppy’ conversation. I would have said he should go for it, we could have talked through how to adapt, we can train the puppy to be in a bike carrier (it’s a small energetic breed who will enjoy long walks as much as we do, we wouldn’t leave it in an Airbnb). It’s the fact it was a done deal and not a discussion.

Yes, exactly this. My ex husband was very erratic and I thought the future was going to be calmer.

But it is his dog. You don't live together, don't share finances, don't share children. If you split up tomorrow the dog is his and only his. It was solely his decision and didn't need to be discussed. He needs to be allowed to make decisions about his future himself.

I do think you are too invested in this relationship given it's only been a year. You might like each others company now but who knows if there will be other incompatibilities that come up in the next few months and you break up.

I have met mother dad and grand mother and uncle when i got my puppy. So yes it does happen

You say you had a conversation about how much you miss your old dog and then in the same conversation that getting the dog was the end of your marriage? That’s mixed messages.

Hes obviously had to sacrifice things In the relationship due to you having children and responsibilities so why shouldn’t he be able to bring something to the table that also brings sacrifice?

You don’t live together, you don’t share finances and you don’t share children or anything major together. This decision is entirely his. Why should he put his wish of having a pet on hold for someone who he only shares a part of his life with and who could end the relationship tomorrow?

If you lived together or had mixed finances yes you would have the right to be annoyed but he is his own person living in his own home. This is totally up to him.

This is a bit judgmental. The question of how much to invest in the relationship is exactly what is unfolding now—not something op has done wrong. She snd bf were in the process of developing shared lives/practices/dreams and he has, rather surprisingly, changed the oattern.

It seems the main issue is the lack of communication so it’s understandable you’d feel blindsided. This wasn’t about the puppy itself, but the fact that it was a done deal without a conversation. Moving forward, just be honest with him and tell him how it made you feel. I don’t think he did it on purpose to upset you, he was only excited and happy as he’d wanted one for a long time. There are still plenty of options to travel with or without the puppy, and the kids might also enjoy having a little furry friend to play with too. Deep breaths OP, you got this!

@Bubblesgun And who owned them? Because by the poster I was quoting argument, it was three different owners for three different dogs - which seems a tad unbelievable.

I didn't mean for it come across as judgemental or that OP has done anything wrong. She has definitely invested more than him but she also has more people to consider given she has children and he doesn't. Once a man spends significant time staying over when the kids are around you kind of have to be very invested, he doesn't have to consider that. He is used to consider himself and what works for him so he hasn't really changed his pattern. OPs crying and getting upset about it is probably going to seem quite OTT to him.

The dog breeder owned all of them except for the Sire who is owned by one of her friend. She is a professional and extremely reputable. We were on a wait list for a year