To feel jealous of a puppy?

[Onlythedoglovesme]

I’ve been with my partner for a year and very much in love. We have had a great time traveling, bike riding and hiking and had planned lots this summer, I was hoping we would go abroad together. I love dogs but don’t have one as I love travel, I had one when I was married but I think the puppy days led to my divorce as it kept us apart. My new partner and I spend most of our time together and talk about moving in together. I have my kids half the time, good relationship with ex husband. My partner loves dogs and has wanted one for years but never been settled enough. He told me out of the blue this weekend he was going to see a puppy - 8 hours later he had seen the puppy and rung me to tell me he is getting a dog. A week after this news the puppy arrives. My first reaction was not good, total shock and I feel really thrown, I burst into tears and couldn’t speak. I can’t believe he didn’t talk it through with me. I would have been happy and said it’s a good idea, but I feel he hasn’t considered my feelings at all. I feel a fool and that I have misread the relationship as more serious than it must be to him. He says he only heard about the puppy a day before telling me and this is because he feels so happy and content. I don’t want to be negative or spoil this amazing moment for him but I am really hurt, my life has changed massively without my consent. Am I being unreasonable? Will we ever travel again? Is it the end of the road?

You are making a lot of assumptions there! They don't live together.

I don't think it's wrong to have high enough standards for a relationship that after a year together you ask the other person what they think about a massive life decision. Kids or not.

But with all due respect it isnt a decision for you both, it is a decision for him alone.

yes maybe he could have “oh i really want this puppy, i think i m going to get it, what do you think” it would have been nice to involve you but it s not your decision.

just because you think you do everything together, it doesnt mean he has to involve you even though yes it would have been nice - and in your shoes i d feel the same albeit A LOT LESS deamatically!

dry the tears, man up and have a convo. I hate when women victimise themselves.

No, the OP is not the mental one

Ps unless you're being sarcastic, I can't tell

She's jealous of a puppy.

WTF?
Being upset about her partner getting a dog without conversation doesn't mean she has severe mental health issues. That was completely uncalled for.

They don't officially live together but this is what OP said We practically live together (most social life together and at my house when my children are with me, his when they are not).. He seems to be heavily involved in her kids lives too.

It's not about having standards, it's about creating a family unit too soon, involving your children and having expectations that the other person is clearly not aware of. That's why he doesn't see what he has done wrong and why OP has had such a strong reaction to him making a decision that she wasn't involved in.

As you already know OP having a dog is life changing, and just like having children,
it means massive adjustments.

This is why you are upset.

Considering you were not invited to be part of the decision making as to whether you DP gets a dog or not, it is up to you to consider whether you are able to accommodate the life changing shift your DP is clearly happy to accommodate in his life.

This is not a simple matter. We got a dog 6 months ago and have gone from travelling into London for days out and spontaneous holidays to doing things more local and our neighbour is the ‘local dog woman’ , I call her because she walks all of the dogs when we need her to. She is a
god send!

I love having a dog and these life changes I am willing to make. My husband is still adjusting but in our case it was a decision we both made.

Who is then?
The boyfriend for getting a dog without getting 'permission' from the OP?

I think the fact he got the puppy without getting your view does show you he’s on a different page, relationship-wise. But bursting into tears was rather over the top and daft.

But apart from that, it can only be a good thing. You’ll do things together but with a dog! Dogs make most things better, in my opinion.

And as others have said, you’ll still be able to travel.

This very much depends on whether you live together. If not, why would he need to ask you first? Maybe he's already considered care for the dog when he's unavailable.

I have 2 dogs and travel. They either go to family or an insured home boarder.

I'm surprised to hear you think having a puppy led to your first divorce. Do you struggle to cope with dogs?

No. Nobody is. Except some of the extremely odd responses on here.

I'm a bit shocked by some of the replies. A lot of people seem to be completely underestimating the level of responsibility and practicalities that come with owning a dog. As does the OP's partner - a pet should be considered a new member of the family and careful thought should be given to the logistics and wellbeing of all those affected, including dog itself. Of course you can't shove a new puppy who is still acclimatising to a new home into kennels. Might be possible later on but some dogs are nervy and pine in kennels.

Yet he seems to have seen a friend's cute puppies and decided impulsively to get one. Not responsible at all and I bet he hasn't given one iota of thought to the practicalities.

I would be cross and upset too. I like dogs but don't have one as it would affect too many aspects of my life too much.

Though I agree with posters saying you are too dependent on him for a social life. Maybe work on having days out and holidays worth your friends and kids etc. It might also motivate your partner to research and sort care for the dog so he can join in after all.

Also reading your replies OP it comes accross like you think having a dog means it needs babysitting at all times. They can be alone, there are drop in services or friends/ family are usually always willing to help

Don’t feel jealous of the puppy - feel sorry for it, it’s had a shitty start in life and it’s about to get shitter.

On the contrary, the puppy has landed on its feet. It has a besotted owner who is already prioritising it over his girlfriend.

It’s been sold to someone who has viewed it once, who has purchased it on the spur of the moment and it has been sold by someone who doesn’t give two shits about it and didn’t vet the potential owner properly.

It’s had a very shit start.

And OP and her DP have been together a year - I’ve had longer relationships with fungal nail infections.

I understand, a dog is a huge commitment of time and energy. We dog sat for a month for a family member, my husband and kids all wanted a dog prior to this, after a month decided that a dog was not for them, or me as I ended up doing the walking.
It will change yohr travelling plans with him, if he is spending a lot of time at your house the dog will have to come too.
I would be upset too as now the dog is part of your life and you didn't want one.
Twice daily walks, going to dog cafes and restaurants, travel plans and not leaving the dog for too lomg alone are all things that will disrupt your current way of life even though it's not your dog.

Puppies (and dogs) have a huge impact on lifestyle. They do limit how long you can go out for, if the dog is not going too. Every day out or night away from home has to be planned round whether the dog can come, and if not, cutting things short to get back for them. It removes a lot of spontaneity. Kennel spaces or dog sitters are not always available at the last minute.

Yes, eventually they can go on long hikes, and some will be able to run alongside a bike, but that is a year away at least. Breed dependent, some dogs will never be able to go out and walk all day.

Raising a well-behaved, well socialised, properly trained dog takes a lot of time and effort. Some are easier than others. My first dog was amazingly easy. Second one was a nightmare. We lost her last summer and have chosen not to get another for the moment because we don't want the restriction on our life now our kids are older and we can leave them.

I am guessing that a lot of the people on this thread who can't see the problems are the sort of people who inflict their pwecious fur babies on others and expect everyone to welcome them.

If you wouldn't have vetoed his choice, then the end result would still be him getting the puppy... If you're not living with him and he knows is someone who likes dogs, then I can see why he wouldn't have thought getting a puppy would be a problem.

I don't think you should approach this assuming the situation will be the same as with your ex. If there's valid things you could have done differently with the puppy and your ex, then raise your concerns with your boyfriend. If the puppy has come from a relative, then maybe they've already planned for them to dog sit, so you won't miss out on going to weddings etc.

This is nuts. Can it be true??
Such self-centred drama. I'm afraid you sound controlling OP. The relationship is unlikely to last or be happy and relaxed as you both seem incompatible. It's as if you are using this man for your very own pleasure (bike rides etc) but not accept him and allow him his own space as a person in his own right.

I couldn't tolerate this if I were the partner on this.

Rather a lot more hassle than the carefree days out and trips away that the OP was expecting though. And not much of a life for a dog, be there when I want you but off to kennels/dog sitter/stay on your own at an airbnb where you've never been before (not allowed in any case) when when I don't. Not to mention possible problems with/for the cats. There's a saying that a dog spoils a good bike ride and a bike spoils a good dog walk. It's a big change because dogs a massive tie. Some don't take to travelling well either and it seems like the dog would have to spend a fair bit of time on the road. Not to mention from where/how he acquired the dog. I'd be tempted to call it a day for all sorts of reasons sorry OP.

This 👆

I was about to say the same. I'd be more worried about the source if a puppy can be available that quickly.

As to the rest, I would probably be a bit pissed not to be consulted, but it isn't the end of the world.

Anthropomorphise much? The puppy does not know or care about the circumstances of its birth or how its owner came by it!

It really depends on the Airbnb. We stay in them with dogs all the time. Most say you cannot leave the dog alone, but when you phone ahead, they will allow it if the dog is crated or confined to a certain room. And I assumed it went without saying that if they went down that route, someone would check on the dog every hour or so.

Re bike rides/kennels, etc, if a dog is raised to fit in with your lifestyle and not the other way around, they tend to do quite well. It's better for their socialisation to experience a wide range of activities, people, and surroundings from as early as possible. If more people had their dogs fit into their current lifestyle rather than changing their entire lives to rotate around the dog, we would have fewer problem dogs in the world.

We have 8 dogs. We've never been held back from having a social life or holidays. They either come with us or we use pet sitters who are known to us and the dogs.

For longer days out, the smaller dogs have a pram so they can rest and/or get out of the sun if they need to. The bigger dog goes to day boarding if it's going to be too hot for him. He loves it there.

Sigh. Comprehension isn’t your strong suit is it? Or are you deliberately being obtuse?

You’ve completely misrepresented the point of my initial post - which is that the puppy’s bad start in life, which is only going to get worse (and will likely result in an adult dog with severe behavioural issues) is the issue here.

OPs year long relationship with a man she’s already basically moved in with is very much a secondary concern.