Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel jealous of a puppy?

157 replies

Onlythedoglovesme · 28/04/2025 00:07

I’ve been with my partner for a year and very much in love. We have had a great time traveling, bike riding and hiking and had planned lots this summer, I was hoping we would go abroad together. I love dogs but don’t have one as I love travel, I had one when I was married but I think the puppy days led to my divorce as it kept us apart. My new partner and I spend most of our time together and talk about moving in together. I have my kids half the time, good relationship with ex husband. My partner loves dogs and has wanted one for years but never been settled enough. He told me out of the blue this weekend he was going to see a puppy - 8 hours later he had seen the puppy and rung me to tell me he is getting a dog. A week after this news the puppy arrives. My first reaction was not good, total shock and I feel really thrown, I burst into tears and couldn’t speak. I can’t believe he didn’t talk it through with me. I would have been happy and said it’s a good idea, but I feel he hasn’t considered my feelings at all. I feel a fool and that I have misread the relationship as more serious than it must be to him. He says he only heard about the puppy a day before telling me and this is because he feels so happy and content. I don’t want to be negative or spoil this amazing moment for him but I am really hurt, my life has changed massively without my consent. Am I being unreasonable? Will we ever travel again? Is it the end of the road?

OP posts:
Frequency · 28/04/2025 00:44

Onlythedoglovesme · 28/04/2025 00:32

Going to wedding on my own as puppy will be too small, summer trip cancelled, no more evening bike rides or motorbike trips. There will be different trips which will be fun too but it’s a lot of change. I have two cats.

Show quote history

None of that needs to stop or be cancelled, though.

For the wedding, you can hire a dog sitter to go to your home or use an in-home boarding service if the pup is too young for kennels. Or you could hire a pet-friendly Airbnb close by and take the dog.

Ditto the summer trip, change the accommodation to a pet-friendly one, or use a boarding service.

You can get bike leashes for older dogs; for puppies, you can get carts that attach to the bikes. You can get sidecars for motorbikes for dogs.

A puppy raised with cats will be fine with them.

You are catastrophising for no reason.

Original poster
Onlythedoglovesme · 28/04/2025 00:45

Eenameenadeeka · 28/04/2025 00:41

I'm a bit confused why it's upset you this much. Is it that you think he should have asked you and it was a joint decision? like you're upset that he made the decision himself rather than asking you "should we get a puppy?" It's also odd that you said "the puppy days led to your divorce"-- what?? I've never heard anyone say they got divorced because of a puppy before ... If you don't actually live together I don't think he needed to ask you... And of course you can travel. He can get friends/family/a kennel to care for it.

The divorce came after a string of classic problems… the puppy was the final stress factor and getting a dog meant we took it in turns to go out with the dog instead of talking

OP posts:
Original poster
Onlythedoglovesme · 28/04/2025 00:49

Frequency · 28/04/2025 00:44

None of that needs to stop or be cancelled, though.

For the wedding, you can hire a dog sitter to go to your home or use an in-home boarding service if the pup is too young for kennels. Or you could hire a pet-friendly Airbnb close by and take the dog.

Ditto the summer trip, change the accommodation to a pet-friendly one, or use a boarding service.

You can get bike leashes for older dogs; for puppies, you can get carts that attach to the bikes. You can get sidecars for motorbikes for dogs.

A puppy raised with cats will be fine with them.

You are catastrophising for no reason.

Show quote history

Thank you - this is what I wanted to check

OP posts:
Hellohelga · 28/04/2025 00:56

He can’t come to yours and stop over if he has a puppy at home. You can’t go to his when you’ve got the kids. It is a logistical problem and I don’t think he thought it through.

Original poster
Onlythedoglovesme · 28/04/2025 00:59

Hellohelga · 28/04/2025 00:56

He can’t come to yours and stop over if he has a puppy at home. You can’t go to his when you’ve got the kids. It is a logistical problem and I don’t think he thought it through.

I am hoping he will still come over when I have the kids and will bring the puppy

OP posts:
MoominMai · 28/04/2025 01:01

OP, I do empathise with you though. I don’t really think you’re ‘jealous’ of the puppy per se. It’s more that him making such a life affecting choice without consulting you does make you wonder about your place in the relationship. People have been a bit snarky saying he doesn’t need your permission but they’re rather missing the point that it feels like you’re excluded and hardly like part of a close couple if you didn’t even come to mind to at least talk this through and give you a chance to at least voice your concerns as well as telling him you’d support him if that’s what he really wants. I had a similar conversation with my ex and out of respect for him and fact that it would affect our time together I frequently would brainstorm pros and cons with him. I agree with you it’s disappointing you weren’t part of the conversation- regardless of whether you agreed or disagreed with him.

outerspacepotato · 28/04/2025 01:02

You've only been with this guy a year and he's wanted a pet for years. You don't live together and you come off controlling here.

I get the feeling you're rushing things.

S0j0urn4r · 28/04/2025 01:46

I'm confused about you and ex taking turns walking dog instead of talking. Why not walk dog together and talk?

thinktwice36 · 28/04/2025 01:54

Frequency · 28/04/2025 00:44

None of that needs to stop or be cancelled, though.

For the wedding, you can hire a dog sitter to go to your home or use an in-home boarding service if the pup is too young for kennels. Or you could hire a pet-friendly Airbnb close by and take the dog.

Ditto the summer trip, change the accommodation to a pet-friendly one, or use a boarding service.

You can get bike leashes for older dogs; for puppies, you can get carts that attach to the bikes. You can get sidecars for motorbikes for dogs.

A puppy raised with cats will be fine with them.

You are catastrophising for no reason.

Show quote history

100%

GoodVibesHere · 28/04/2025 02:13

It's crap that he sprung this on you. It sounds like you pretty much live together a lot of the time.....a dog is a very big deal and changes the dynamics of the household, and places restrictions on your time together. He's going to be focussed on the puppy isn't he, for some time to come. Like, at least a year of intensive time raising the pup. I'd be hurt and confused, because he views the relationship differently to how you view it.

Lavender14 · 28/04/2025 02:22

I don't think you're being unreasonable here op. I think jealousy is not the right word but I think more a feeling of being shut out.

If the relationship is serious enough for you both to be discussing moving in together then yes I think it's reasonable to expect decisions like getting a dog to be made together. Especially if it means cancelling YOUR plans and especially if he was serious about moving in with you and two cats.

To be honest I would wait until the dust settles, you see how you feel and he gets over the initial excitement and then I'd have an honest discussion about where you both see the relationship going and timeline to that to check you're on the same page - because that's really what the issue here is rather than the dog itself. You expected to be treated as an equal part of a team because that's the direction he's told you things are going and it was jarring for you to see him act in such an impulsive and unilateral way without considering you and your future plans.

JellyNellyKat · 28/04/2025 02:25

How selfish of you.

Roselilly36 · 28/04/2025 02:57

He has got the dog, he wants, this is his decision it’s not your responsibility at all.

can’t see why this should mean no bike rides etc, you are overthinking it a bit.

with regard to holidays I am sure Dp will be able to make suitable arrangements for his dogs care.

TheCountofMountingCrispBags · 28/04/2025 04:37

😂😂😂
My life has changed massively!
I burst into tears!
These are not normal reactions.

If your marriage didn't survive the puppy days, how could you possibly say you would be "happy and said it’s a good idea" with your bf of 365 days?
You seem to be creating this life in your head, one that needs to meet your expectations. He wanted a dog for years, you only see it as how it will affect this potential life.
You don't live together despite spending nights together, so it's really up to him what he buys or has in his house, be that animal vegetable or mineral.

nomas · 28/04/2025 04:45

Onlythedoglovesme · 28/04/2025 00:17

We practically live together (most social life together and at my house when my children are with me, his when they are not). I am really surprised by how strong my reaction was and am asking for some sense of what’s reasonable, please be kind.

Do you really want the puppy at yours all the time?

Peripop · 28/04/2025 04:49

Yanbu - dogs DO massively change your life, but he doesnt live with you so luckily if you dont like the lifestyle you can bail.

LandSharksAnonymous · 28/04/2025 06:14

YAVU to be jealous of a small puppy.

YADNU to think your boyfriend is a twat. No good breeder sells a puppy to someone who they have only met once. No good breeder has pups available. No good breeder sells a dog to someone without doing proper checks and without meeting everyone in the household to be sure there are no risk factors.

Your DP is a moron. Don’t feel jealous of the puppy - feel sorry for it, it’s had a shitty start in life and it’s about to get shitter.

EleanorReally · 28/04/2025 06:18

yes, he did this on his own, no discussion with you.
seems rather independent, is he always very independent

Energe · 28/04/2025 06:32

Is everything else okay? Your reaction is not usual and I’d be looking to see what’s behind it.

Blinkyy · 28/04/2025 06:37

Maybe he did this as he feels settled with you and wanted to bring a dog to the relationship now.
You have to bide your time. Ddog might be a cute bundle of lovable fun and you and DCs love having it round or a yappy bad tempered horror. This will affect how things go.

bigknitblanket · 28/04/2025 06:42

Frequency · 28/04/2025 00:44

None of that needs to stop or be cancelled, though.

For the wedding, you can hire a dog sitter to go to your home or use an in-home boarding service if the pup is too young for kennels. Or you could hire a pet-friendly Airbnb close by and take the dog.

Ditto the summer trip, change the accommodation to a pet-friendly one, or use a boarding service.

You can get bike leashes for older dogs; for puppies, you can get carts that attach to the bikes. You can get sidecars for motorbikes for dogs.

A puppy raised with cats will be fine with them.

You are catastrophising for no reason.

Show quote history

How will a dog friendly air bnb help? I’ve stayed in dozens and they all say the dog can’t be left alone in the property (even if it was reasonable to leave a young puppy for hours while you attend a wedding, which it isn’t)

AmusedGoose · 28/04/2025 06:42

You are probably just internally remembering your divorce and it's triggered lots of bad feelings. However you are being unreasonable especially as you don't live together. And you have children. If you can't get over this you should break up as you are being unfair to this man. Anyway, who can resist a puppy!
For context, I got quite upset and depressed when my DD had a baby as it brought back lots of suppressed memories of marital problems we had when last baby was born.

Lollipopsicle · 28/04/2025 06:48

So many drama llamas on MN… 🙄

ToKittyornottoKitty · 28/04/2025 06:48

my life has changed massively without my consent

Thats so dramatic! Your emotions are way over the top here. Maybe with him being impulsive and you seeing the relationship as a much more emotional thing than he does, it means you are a little less compatible or comfortable than you thought.

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 28/04/2025 06:48

Roselilly36 · 28/04/2025 02:57

He has got the dog, he wants, this is his decision it’s not your responsibility at all.

can’t see why this should mean no bike rides etc, you are overthinking it a bit.

with regard to holidays I am sure Dp will be able to make suitable arrangements for his dogs care.

This. It sounds like you are revolving your life too much around this man too and depending on him for your entire social life which isn't healthy. You need to have more balance. See friends, do stuff with them as well then this sort of thing won't matter as much

Swipe left for the next trending thread