Did I ruin family day out

[Prinajdjd]

DH, dc and I had just enjoyed a lovely meal and talking about future plans. We were on great terms and had a wonderful day. When we was driving home, we decided we didn’t want the day to end and would find something else to do. As we were driving DH asked for a tissue for his hands. I was distracted talking to dd and placed a handful of them gently on his knee. They fell down by his foot. He suddenly got angry saying “why would I do that? I should’ve placed them in his hand.” I apologised and said it wasn’t a big deal. He then picked them up, crumbled them together and when I looked in his direction threw them in my face hitting my eye. Even if it was meant playful (which it wasn’t due to the sheer amount of force and his tone prior to this), it really hurt my eye and I was upset about it. Dd even saw and demanded for daddy to apologise to mommy. I said instead I wanted to go home and he blamed me for ruining the day over something minor. It rubbed me wrong as he shouldn’t have thrown it at me at all, definitely not in front of kids and he shouldn’t have done it so hard. He keeps coming in the room and asking is this how I’m going to act- I say no I am no longer upset about this and if he apologises we can continue the day. He has stormed out now and refuses to help with dc. So confused and don’t see how this is my fault.

Over reacting man child that can't control his emotions. Where did the anger come from? It's not like you threw a full bottle of water under his feet or something.
Does it happen often where he blows up at nothing?
No you didn't ruin the day by not covering his nasty action and pretending it was fine. He ruined it with his angry outburst over tissue.

Agree. Another low bar.

I knew you had skin in the game.
Sorry to hear that, but it’s probably colouring your viewpoint, somewhat.

Just to play devil’s advocate: if you throw a tissue at someone, clearly your intention is not to hurt them in any way, is it? If he had slammed it on OP’s lap it could be argued, but throwing a tissue 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’ve experienced horrific DV and yet I manage not to project and catastrophise. You really need to get a grip on OP’s reality instead of confusing it with your past.

I think that the most likely scenario is that this a load of bull crap and didn’t happen

driving 80 mph and bending down to reach and retrieve tissues from under either the accelerator or brake!!!! Then balling them up and taking your eyes again off the road to make sure your throwing them straight into the face of the passenger, It’s a really good story

Obviously throwing things at your spouse isn’t on

Aww bless, you’re obviously a bit dim aren’t you? I’ll explain it to you again. Not sure why you’re unable to read and understand my previous posts though?

The OP: places a couple (or few?) tissues on her man child’s husbands lap/knee whilst he was driving.

God knows why this man wanted a tissue for his hands mid-drive in the first place. Any normal person would wash/wipe their hands before driving surely? Anyway, I digress….

The husband: notices that the tissues have fallen off his knee into the footwell. Again, instead of any normal and rational adult who would think “No biggie, I’ll pull over in a sec to get them, hunny could you pass me another tissue please?” He proceeds to bend down, grab the tissues, screw them up and chucks them into the OPs face. He becomes angry and aggressive.

I mean, at this point, if you STILL believe that the OP is in the wrong here and we are “minimising” her, then well ….. there’s no hope for you.

You genuinely can't imagine, or maybe I mean understand, how a balled up tissue could hurt someone's eye if chucked at a fairly close distance?

It won't hurt every time. You know, cos force, positioning, right down to how its crumpled up, all being different every time.

I think they cover stuff like that in Y5 maybe?

OP, his anger is toxic, not at all normal.
His actions in anger hurt you.
Thats all you need to know.
His behaviour was aggressive and scared your child.
This is abusive.
His anger and actions are abusive.
Please ring Women's aid for a chat.

This sort of behaviour destroys the childhoods of children.

Angry men are the worst.
I would be afraid of what he is capable of.

The OP said:

He suddenly got angry saying “why would I do that?

He then picked them up, crumbled them together and when I looked in his direction threw them in my face

Sudden anger, and bending down to retrieve something whilst driving, then throwing something, whilst driving - can definitely contribute to driving erratically. His full attention was clearly not on the road.

He obviously wasn’t calm, was he?

I’m genuinely curious why you would think that’s a “hell of a stretch”?

I was thinking this

I can't believe people don't understand how tissue/paper/any other supposedly light material can hurt someones eye.

Like, I don't even know if it can be explained it it's so basic 🤣

I found this though that might help

• "The blink reflex: The blink reflex is exactly what it sounds like — an automatic response that makes you blink when something touches your cornea."

Just a simple Google search.

He shouldn't have behaved like that but it was extremely dangerous for you to put a pile of tissues on his knee when he was driving and for them to fall on the floor. If they had gone under the brake pedal he would have been totally unable to stop the car and there would have been a terrible accident.

If you don't understand that then that is a serious problem and in your husband's shoes I would be reconsidering the relationship tbh.

I really don't think a few tissues will affect the brakes. 🙄

A sliver of cardboard could conceivably touch your eyeball if launched at you with force.
A floating tissue? No.

What the hell kind of tissues do you buy that hurt when thrown? So melodramatic!

Please can you go into detail re: how a couple of 2 ply tissues would stop a brake pedal being pushed.

The more wild the theory the better!!

Or is your post a pisstake? I can't tell tbh but the certainty of it now makes me think you're having a laugh

Maybe they got wet, wet tissues sometimes dry hard, so maybe the air con would then dry the tissue very quickly turning them into sheets of steel effectively, thus jamming the brakes.

Or slicing the DH's braking foot off.

OP didn’t say it was a floating tissue did she ? She said he rolled them all up in a ball and threw them at her. Different altogether. As has been said, the tissue is not the issue (how poetic). The balling it up and throwing it in anger however, is.

I don’t know, I think I would’ve been really stressed about the tissue box balancing on my knee if I was driving. This is only because I’ve been in the situation where something got stuck under the pedal and it was extremely dangerous because it meant I couldn’t brake! It was an apple and fitted exactly under the pedal. But his reaction is completely unacceptable still.

Do balled up tissues float when chucked about 12 inches away with force?

(No. They don't float. Something about aerodynamics or whatever, like I say, prob Y5 stuff, and that was a while ago for me!)

@Prinajdjd

A short fuse, eh?

And he works nights, presumably sleeps days, and you seem to not spend time together as a family much, if at all.

I think he's lost whatever connection he ever had with you and the children.

The response you got to a very simple problem with the tissues was designed to intimidate you, and you were completely justified in feeling as you do. I would continue to demand an apology, if only to see what he will do next in his attempt to further intimidate you and gaslight/ blame.

Can you describe his 'short fuse'?
What has this looked like previously?

PS - Ignore people making inflammatory comments and minimizing this.

Jesus wept, this just gets worse. Explain to me how a few tissues would stop him depressing the brake pedal ? There’s an issue here. Posters are minimising the effect of the tissues when rolled up in a solid ball and thrown, yet maximising the effects of them in their original state as putting the occupants of the car in dire danger if they land under the brake pedal. It’s BATSHIT.

What you did was really dangerous, if he had crashed you could have had much bigger issues in your life.

You have then massively overreacted to him being rightly irritated that you did something stupid and dangerous. He has to concentration on the road so he threw the risk out of the way which is the correct thing to do. I don't believe for one second he personally 'aimed' it at you while driving in the scenario you've described because I have been in a similar scenario (no passenger the item fell) and you just have to move it as fast as possible theres no logic to where it lands as thats not the main risk.

What on earth would possess you to balance something on the knee of a driver though?