Did I ruin family day out

[Prinajdjd]

DH, dc and I had just enjoyed a lovely meal and talking about future plans. We were on great terms and had a wonderful day. When we was driving home, we decided we didn’t want the day to end and would find something else to do. As we were driving DH asked for a tissue for his hands. I was distracted talking to dd and placed a handful of them gently on his knee. They fell down by his foot. He suddenly got angry saying “why would I do that? I should’ve placed them in his hand.” I apologised and said it wasn’t a big deal. He then picked them up, crumbled them together and when I looked in his direction threw them in my face hitting my eye. Even if it was meant playful (which it wasn’t due to the sheer amount of force and his tone prior to this), it really hurt my eye and I was upset about it. Dd even saw and demanded for daddy to apologise to mommy. I said instead I wanted to go home and he blamed me for ruining the day over something minor. It rubbed me wrong as he shouldn’t have thrown it at me at all, definitely not in front of kids and he shouldn’t have done it so hard. He keeps coming in the room and asking is this how I’m going to act- I say no I am no longer upset about this and if he apologises we can continue the day. He has stormed out now and refuses to help with dc. So confused and don’t see how this is my fault.

Stand down, @Lovelysausagedogscrumpy
You’re completely over invested in this.

To the point of thanking posters for their support, which is quite odd.

Nope. Just a survivor of DV which started in a very similar way to OP. A quick tempered man who systematically escalated his lack of anger management by losing it and throwing things. Then blaming me for arguments he had started. That resulted in the things he was throwing being aimed at me. Which quickly escalated into a slap if he thought it was ‘justified’. Ended up with me being regularly beaten and him dissolving in tears every single time, as though he was the victim and swearing he’d never hit me again. Until a beating ended up with me being hospitalised and him being arrested. Still think it warrants a laughing emoji ? This is one of the most disgusting threads I’ve ever had the misfortune to participate in and I’m genuinely gobsmacked at the number of mocking posts MN moderators have allowed to stand.

@KilkennyCats This is a public forum and my opinion is as valid as anyone elses. You’ve indulged yourself more than most in mocking and minimising OP’s posts and those of anyone else who doesn’t agree with your standpoint. If you don’t understand that the tissues are not the issue, but the escalation that the throwing demonstrated then I can’t help you. You don’t seem to have much understanding of how DV starts, or much respect for the viewpoint of those who have experienced it, or who recognise and warn against the early red flags. That’s not my problem, it’s yours.

Narcissistic and bully.
You had a good day and he simply needed to spoil it for you, bring you down a peg or two
Maybe if you dig deeper in the past, there are other instances of similar (non) arguments that were somehow twisted to make it your fault?
Look after your eye OP.
Hugs ❤️

This. And beware its a slippery slope.
I understand that feeling if wtf happened, we were having a lovely day and then....

It will.likrly happen again sadly.

Pmsl it was tissues, not a brick, yes he did over react but there are 2 sides, move on and get over this and you said he has never been violent but I'm sorry throwing tissues isn't violent it was just made worse by the fact it hit you in the eye.

A note: common assault and actual bodily harm are not the same offence in law, but both are offences.

Putting someone in fear, as by shouting at them or throwing things, is assault. (Spitting at/on them would be an example too.) The attacker doesn't have to cause physical hurt or injury to the victim for common assault to have been committed.

A balled load of tissues wouldn't "float"

Hubby's reaction to throw them at you is out of order.
Wether balled up tissue or anything else his reaction wasn't a good one out of temper it's not your fault at all.

Nope. I experienced DV and what’s more offensive to me than anything here is the minimisation of the early red flags any victim of DV will recognise. People don’t go straight from angry and argumentative to physical violence. It starts small and escalates over time, and involves gaslighting and coercive control. Which, from what OP has said, is already happening, as evidenced by his behaviour after they got home.

And it’s clearly not a one off. OP has had a previous conversation with him after similar behaviour, during which he said he would never hit her. That in itself is concerning because it seems that slowly, there’s a pattern emerging.

Throwing anything is an indication of failure to control anger. I volunteered at a womens’ centre after my own experience and you've no idea how many women were in similar situations to OP. It doesn’t matter what he threw. It’s an escalation of his anger control issues. He scared OP and his children and if you read OP’s updates this is not the first time she’s feared him because of his anger issues.

People may think a tissue in the eye is minor, but it hurts A LOT! Having said that, shift work can make monster's out of the best of us, the exhaustion never really goes. Best to just move on, I think.

No, he did. Volatile men find a way to blame others. Having said that, tissues by the feet when driving would annoy me as well.

The tissue is not the star of this event 🙄 his sudden mood change, so that it alarmed the OP and her daughter is.

I'd be really annoyed if someone put tissues on my knee whilst driving too. I might throw them. I'd easily hit my DH in the eye because I'd be aiming at his chest... 😂

Sounds like he had a bad case of Grumbleitis and you got injured. I think everyone was just grumpy and everyone needs to say sorry here.

1. Sorry you put the tissues on his knee... You were distracted by DD.
2. Sorry he reacted badly and threw them and you got hurt.

His grumpiness continued into the rest of the day and the implication is definitely that it would continue until OP had grovelled sufficiently because she "made him" lose his temper by doing something he had asked her to do, provided him with a tissue, just failed to do it in exactly the way he wanted her to. Her thinking that he ought to apologise for his outbreak of temper has clearly been insufferable behaviour on the part of the woman who was hurt by his action.

Men who claim that women "made him" lose his temper, "made him" hit her, "made him" rape her, "made him" strangle her and accidentally kill her ....

The woman asks "Did I spoil the day?" No, luv, he did. You had no intention of upsetting him; he on the other hand clearly did intend to upset you, and also to be upset.

I've been reading the comments from people laughing and questioning it and I've not been able to understand why they don't seem to believe it would hurt 🤦‍♀️

Obviously, they have never been hit by an unexpected rolled up tissue chucked in the eye.

Yes, well I’m a survivor of DV too and I disagree with you, can you hold that as well ?

It does matter what is thrown and where. Intent to express emotion n a way that doesn’t harm a person does matter.

Perhaps because we, or should I say I have had many types of things thrown at me and it is clear by what is chosen to be thrown whether there is intent to harm me or not.

Here we have a woman state that her partner hurt her, and people are questioning whether it really hurt...

Even if physically the pain wasn't high up on the scale, it was still disrespectful, especially Infront of children.

Also, I would find it very humiliating if my partner got angry and thew something at me during an argument / misunderstanding even if it didn't hurt.

OP I hope you are okay, and you haven't ruined the day, he has.

I would ignore him and tell him to reflect on his actions.

Then when all calm have a serious discussion with him about this x

Until next time, when the tissues he throws are still in the box !!

So that makes you the decider on what everyone else's intent on the throw and pain tolerance is 🤦‍♀️

I was in a DV relationship for 7 years and couldn't imagine ever trying to minimise somthing that had happened to someone else because I've had things thrown at me in the past

You sound horrid

You should be asking yourself that question, as it seems you and others determined intent to harm on the basis of absolutely no evidence and after pulling the I’m a DV survivor card so I know better than you failed because others of us have also survived DV and have a different POV, you now resort to calling me “horrid.”

It’s not minimising to stick to what happened, it is hyperbole to pretend that tossing a balled up tissue is equivalent to hitting someone in the head with a brick.