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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Did I ruin family day out

282 replies

Prinajdjd · 27/04/2025 15:45

DH, dc and I had just enjoyed a lovely meal and talking about future plans. We were on great terms and had a wonderful day. When we was driving home, we decided we didn’t want the day to end and would find something else to do. As we were driving DH asked for a tissue for his hands. I was distracted talking to dd and placed a handful of them gently on his knee. They fell down by his foot. He suddenly got angry saying “why would I do that? I should’ve placed them in his hand.” I apologised and said it wasn’t a big deal. He then picked them up, crumbled them together and when I looked in his direction threw them in my face hitting my eye. Even if it was meant playful (which it wasn’t due to the sheer amount of force and his tone prior to this), it really hurt my eye and I was upset about it. Dd even saw and demanded for daddy to apologise to mommy. I said instead I wanted to go home and he blamed me for ruining the day over something minor. It rubbed me wrong as he shouldn’t have thrown it at me at all, definitely not in front of kids and he shouldn’t have done it so hard. He keeps coming in the room and asking is this how I’m going to act- I say no I am no longer upset about this and if he apologises we can continue the day. He has stormed out now and refuses to help with dc. So confused and don’t see how this is my fault.

OP posts:
MferMonsterSearchingForRedemption · 29/04/2025 19:51

It's obvious that tissue can hurt the eye in some circumstances. Not that it even matters if it hurt or not.

OP, your husband reacted in anger and aggression, even if it didn't hurt. Bending down to pick up the tissue, waiting for you to look at him then throwing it at your face was an aggressive act.

I can't imagine my husband ever reacting in that way. It's not a normal reaction.

I'm sorry for some of the shitty responses you have had here, OP. Too many posters like to disagree with the OP no matter what. There are also too many women who will excuse men's shitty behaviour because it is just normal to them.

Illprobqblychangemynameagain · 29/04/2025 19:58

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 29/04/2025 19:48

You should be asking yourself that question, as it seems you and others determined intent to harm on the basis of absolutely no evidence and after pulling the I’m a DV survivor card so I know better than you failed because others of us have also survived DV and have a different POV, you now resort to calling me “horrid.”

It’s not minimising to stick to what happened, it is hyperbole to pretend that tossing a balled up tissue is equivalent to hitting someone in the head with a brick.

Perhaps because we, or should I say I have had many types of things thrown at me and it is clear by what is chosen to be thrown whether there is intent to harm me or not

after pulling the I’m a DV survivor card so I know better than you failed because others of us have also survived DV and have a different POV

Ironic your accusing me of the exact thing you literally did 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️😅

It’s not minimising to stick to what happened, it is hyperbole to pretend that tossing a balled up tissue is equivalent to hitting someone in the head with a brick

No ones comparing it to a brick to the head you weirdo 😳

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 29/04/2025 20:05

Illprobqblychangemynameagain · 29/04/2025 19:58

Perhaps because we, or should I say I have had many types of things thrown at me and it is clear by what is chosen to be thrown whether there is intent to harm me or not

after pulling the I’m a DV survivor card so I know better than you failed because others of us have also survived DV and have a different POV

Ironic your accusing me of the exact thing you literally did 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️😅

It’s not minimising to stick to what happened, it is hyperbole to pretend that tossing a balled up tissue is equivalent to hitting someone in the head with a brick

No ones comparing it to a brick to the head you weirdo 😳

I didn’t pull the DV survivor card, that was pulled on me.
if you read the full thread, you will see it has been compared to hitting with a brick.
Calling me ”horrid”, gaslighting me on what was said on the thread, and now calling me a “wierdo” - you really aren’t coming across well.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 29/04/2025 20:17

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 29/04/2025 15:25

Perhaps because we, or should I say I have had many types of things thrown at me and it is clear by what is chosen to be thrown whether there is intent to harm me or not.

Edited

A man got into a temper over a very minor transgression, and threw something at a woman which hurt her. He then made it clear that he expected her to apologise to him for the minor transgression, while also making it clear he was not going to apologise to her for his action having caused pain.

I don't think that feeling there is something wrong with this picture is out of order.

Accustoming a woman to having things thrown at her, and making her have to determine each time whether what is thrown at her is intended to hurt her or not, is in itself abusive. I am surprised you didn't notice this, if not when it was being done to you then as soon as you had escaped the toxic relationship.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 29/04/2025 20:28

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 29/04/2025 20:17

A man got into a temper over a very minor transgression, and threw something at a woman which hurt her. He then made it clear that he expected her to apologise to him for the minor transgression, while also making it clear he was not going to apologise to her for his action having caused pain.

I don't think that feeling there is something wrong with this picture is out of order.

Accustoming a woman to having things thrown at her, and making her have to determine each time whether what is thrown at her is intended to hurt her or not, is in itself abusive. I am surprised you didn't notice this, if not when it was being done to you then as soon as you had escaped the toxic relationship.

Edited

Ok, well that’s a lovely bit of putting words in my mouth.
I have said it was a minor spat and they both ruined the day out.
So I agree completely that “there is something wrong” and have never said otherwise

I have been clear with what I do not agree with and that is the catastrophising hyperbole calling it a violent assault, equating a tissue to a brick, and almost gleeful horror film worthy predictions of what he might do to OP if she doesn’t pack her bags and flee the country right now.

It’s ridiculous and unhelpful to OP or anyone in that situation.

It isn’t accustoming anyone to having things thrown at them either. This was a balled up tissue. It’s not “abusive” to point out that no one tossing a tissue is going to seriously think it would ever hurt anyone.

cornflakecrunchie · 04/05/2025 13:41

I'm sure it's been really helpful to @Prinajdjd to have everyone arguing whether a tissue in the eye would hurt or not. Like kids in a bloody playground. Grow the fuck up.
Even a teeny fly in your eye hurts like hell.

@Prinajdjd is everything else ok with your marriage? I'm probably way off but my ex who cheated on me would get very angry with me.. like it was my fault that I was there, I guess..

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 06/05/2025 10:46

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 29/04/2025 20:05

I didn’t pull the DV survivor card, that was pulled on me.
if you read the full thread, you will see it has been compared to hitting with a brick.
Calling me ”horrid”, gaslighting me on what was said on the thread, and now calling me a “wierdo” - you really aren’t coming across well.

The thrust of the brick comment was that it doesn’t matter whether it’s a brick or a tissue, or anything else for that matter. It’s the intent. It’s the escalation. And it’s the demonstration that there are uncontrolled anger issues. It starts with throwing insignificant stuff around. Then throwing things at you when words are no longer enough.

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