Did I ruin family day out

[Prinajdjd]

DH, dc and I had just enjoyed a lovely meal and talking about future plans. We were on great terms and had a wonderful day. When we was driving home, we decided we didn’t want the day to end and would find something else to do. As we were driving DH asked for a tissue for his hands. I was distracted talking to dd and placed a handful of them gently on his knee. They fell down by his foot. He suddenly got angry saying “why would I do that? I should’ve placed them in his hand.” I apologised and said it wasn’t a big deal. He then picked them up, crumbled them together and when I looked in his direction threw them in my face hitting my eye. Even if it was meant playful (which it wasn’t due to the sheer amount of force and his tone prior to this), it really hurt my eye and I was upset about it. Dd even saw and demanded for daddy to apologise to mommy. I said instead I wanted to go home and he blamed me for ruining the day over something minor. It rubbed me wrong as he shouldn’t have thrown it at me at all, definitely not in front of kids and he shouldn’t have done it so hard. He keeps coming in the room and asking is this how I’m going to act- I say no I am no longer upset about this and if he apologises we can continue the day. He has stormed out now and refuses to help with dc. So confused and don’t see how this is my fault.

If it was just a stressed, instant reaction as he was driving, it can be forgiven but what he's doing now is ridiculous. He needs to apologise.

I can't believe the number of pp who are actually making excuses for and minimising his violent reaction.
And also the fact he hasn't apologised and is blaming OP.
Generally speaking an act of physical aggression like this is seen as the first step along the road of DV.!

To me, this is not a LTB moment but a 'Fhs, now I've got to grovel down on the floor while I'm meant to be concentrating' moment. Yes, he overreacted (did he think you'd chucked them at him instead of putting them lovingly on his leg?) but it does sound as though you overreacted a bit as well. It is normal for ones eyes to blink if something appears suddenly so maybe the tissues didn't actually touch your eyeball? Anyway, sounds a song and dance to me but who am I to know?

Even a feather (lighter than a tissue) can hurt if it pokes your eye, I don’t get how people can’t understand something hitting your eyeball will hurt 🤷‍♀️

This.

His reaction was completely unacceptable.

Sometimes a response like that - seeing malice where absolutely no malice was intended, followed by rage - is a sign of narcissism.

His gaslighting, refusal to accept his reaction was disproportionate and completely unacceptable, and continued bad behaviour (raging in front of the children/ harassing you about the incident) point in the direction of narcissism too.

Gosh, that behaviour is like a 6 year old who's had a lovely day out and then throws a fit and says their day was rubbish because a parent stopped for 2 minutes to get a coffee or something on the way home.

He ruined it and I’m concerned that you even need to ask the question. He behaved like an utter dick.

Another apologist for DV I take it?

OP deserved to have her H throw something in her face in anger?

Unbelievable.

Every word of this. I’d be seriously reconsidering my marriage if DH did this to me.

I could understand the irritation but it wasn’t done deliberately and his reaction was disrespectful and abusive - absolutely no excuse for it. I would be rethinking the relationship if my DH had done this.

Its really not on for adults with children to escalate minor irritations into huge dramas that ruin whole days, because they are ruined for DC too. Having been a child on the receiving end of this sort of parental behaviour, I can tell you that the anxiety you develop that no one is going to upset anyone, which gradually develops into the need to try to peace keep (your DD is already trying to get an apology for you) can last a lifetime. You need to be telling your H this rather than focusing on getting him to apologise to you.

Why not both ? He was violent and abusive in his reaction to a minor incident for which OP was not responsible, and in which she took the brunt. He is still blaming her in the aftermath. He needs to take responsibility for that first and foremost.

^This

Were you both hot, tired, stressed? Unless there’s a pattern I’d let it slide.

There’s more to this.

Even the beginning of your post sounds like you don’t generally have good family days out.

I’m for your trauma. If you had witnessed this as a child, would you have blamed your mother?

You sound fairly annoying in this situation but he’s reaction was horrible. Very red flaggy. Angry men are horrible.

Theyre great but we hardly ever get them as DH works night shifts a lot. Normally just the kids and I.

How about that the tissue is irrelevant and it’s the abusive response - both immediately and ongoing in the aftermath - that’s the problem. OP says he’s argumentative but hasn’t been physically abusive, so it doesn’t matter whether he threw a tissue or a brick, it’s an escalation. Really surprised at the minimising going on here.

I was this child too.

There are quite a few here. And a concerning level of victim blaming.

How would you have responded?

Gently balancing tissues on his knee when he’s driving the car is annoying. Then you minimised his irritation by saying it didn’t matter. I wouldn’t have thrown anything at my husband but that would have irritated me.

But I think your reaction to him throwing tissues in your face was fair enough.

What ? Until the next time he has an explosive reaction to something minor and it escalates even further ?

Can’t see anything remotely annoying OP. If the tissues slipped then they stay on the floor until you stop and you hand him more. I think the reaction is really concerning, especially in view of the fact that you say he’s argumentative. Do you see this as an escalation ?