Did I ruin family day out

[Prinajdjd]

DH, dc and I had just enjoyed a lovely meal and talking about future plans. We were on great terms and had a wonderful day. When we was driving home, we decided we didn’t want the day to end and would find something else to do. As we were driving DH asked for a tissue for his hands. I was distracted talking to dd and placed a handful of them gently on his knee. They fell down by his foot. He suddenly got angry saying “why would I do that? I should’ve placed them in his hand.” I apologised and said it wasn’t a big deal. He then picked them up, crumbled them together and when I looked in his direction threw them in my face hitting my eye. Even if it was meant playful (which it wasn’t due to the sheer amount of force and his tone prior to this), it really hurt my eye and I was upset about it. Dd even saw and demanded for daddy to apologise to mommy. I said instead I wanted to go home and he blamed me for ruining the day over something minor. It rubbed me wrong as he shouldn’t have thrown it at me at all, definitely not in front of kids and he shouldn’t have done it so hard. He keeps coming in the room and asking is this how I’m going to act- I say no I am no longer upset about this and if he apologises we can continue the day. He has stormed out now and refuses to help with dc. So confused and don’t see how this is my fault.

That's not a normal reaction. Is he always so quick to anger?

Well as l said upthread itdoesn’t matter whether it was a tissue or a brick. The amount of emotional damage is the same. Or have you just not bothered to read OP’s updates ? It starts with anger issues. Then a minor incident escalates similar to this, and is met, as in OP’s case with ‘l’d never hit you’. Then pretty soon you’re at the stage where each beating comes with a promise that it’ll never happen again. But you carry on with your laughing emoji responses because it’s clear this has never happened to you - if it had you would have recognised the early red flags.

It’s not about him needing more tissues, it’s about the fact that ANYTHING in the footwell of a car being driven poses a huge risk of a crash.

Oh, of course it matters 🙄
You can’t actually even throw a tissue at someone. They just sort of… float.

Ask someone you know to throw a tissue at your face, and then a brick. I promise you, you’ll be able to feel a very real physical and emotional difference.

Is this genuinely a first from him?

Or do you normally tiptoe around him to avoid triggering him?

How did he even get the tissues off the floor while driving.

It's a horrible thing for him to do and I don't blame you for being upset.

Dont be ridiculous. It is offensive to people who are genuine victims to claim this is abuse.

“He didn’t throw a brick”

Ahh. That’s that then. That makes his behaviour acceptable. He could have caved her skull in with a brick - but it’s okay everyone!!!! It was just a tissue.

Poor bloke. How horrific that a couple of tissues could have wrapped around the car pedals. Doesn’t bear thinking about, does it? I’ve got goosebumps just thinking of the tragedy this poor man could have experienced by these tissues in his footwell.

Of course his wife who has been treated appallingly by him should apologise. What a stupid woman for even thinking of placing a tissue on his knee.

🙄🙄🙄

His angry reaction is putting his whole family in danger, and worse than what O P did. It's abusive

OP placed tissues on his knee. They fell accidentally. His response was to get angry, scrunch them up and throw them in her face. In front of their children. If you think that’s insignificant to the point of being a laughing matter and something to mock, maybe you should set your pathetically low bar a bit higher when it comes to the way men see fit to treat women.

Ahh. That’s that then. That makes his behaviour acceptable. He could have caved her skull in with a brick - but it’s okay everyone!!!! It was just a tissue.
I don’t know what the sarky snark is all about. It literally was just a tissue (which somehow managed to nearly take op’s eye out. As if…)
What’s your point?

I mean that tissue could have laid on the pedal, prevented him being able to brake when needed and been the cause of a multiple car crash, injuring or even killing every single person in that car plus other cars around them.

But yes, throwing a tissue put them all in far more danger than that???

Get real please

How did he pick them up off the floor while driving?

Has it come up in conversation before that he would never hit you? Surely thats an unsaid given in a relationship?

My point is that throwing a crumpled up tissue in your wife’s face out of anger infront of your children is fucking ridiculous behaviour and abusive.

Are you seriously not getting that?

The point is it doesn’t matter if it’s “just” a tissue or something larger or heavier. There’s no excuse to be angry and throw something at your spouse.

Jesus Christ the bar is low. So fucking low on here.

Are you really this stupid, or just pretending?

Tissues wrapped round a pedal could have prevented the driver being able to brake when needed, your foot can EASILY slip off when something is in the way of the pedal, that’s exactly why it is imperative to have NOTHING in the footwell to create such an obstruction. A tissue is exactly the right material to lay on a pedal and mean when you need to break your foot slips. That can easily then cause a multi car crash, injuring or killing not only everyone in the car but also those in the surrounding cars. That is fucking horrific, that should give you fucking goosebumps.

So you placed tissues on his knee, when it would have been safer to hand him them, I'm not surprised he got annoyed if they fell. If my husband had done this while I was driving I would have done the same.

It may have been a tissue (this time) but it’s clear that when angered he can’t regulate or control himself. Even worse than that is that when he’s behaved inappropriately he isn’t able to take responsibility. Personally I’d be worried about all of the above in terms of the chances of him changing, the potential for escalation in how he responds when angered, and what your child is learning from his father about how to respond to anger.

Absolutely, I struggle to believe anybody could disagree with this.

No chicken, I’m not stupid. I’m not pretending either.

If a tissue, or anything that ACCIDENTALLY ended up in my footwell- I would keep calm and pull over at the nearest opportunity to remove it.

I’ve experienced a full water bottle go into my footwell whilst I was driving? That could have easily rolled behind my break and got lodged. Preventing me from breaking.

Do you want to know what I did? I certainly did not throw something in the face of my passenger. I didn’t shout. I didn’t abuse my spouse. I didn’t scare my children. I didn’t “ruin” anything.

You’re minimising and excusing this man’s appalling and abusive behaviour to his wife because you think a potential hypothetical car crash is more serious than how this man has treated the OP infront of their child.

Seriously, get real.

And I’ve lost 5 family members in a car accident when their car set on fire in a collision.

Your stupid tissue theory isn’t shocking to me at all.

Try again.

It matters because I’ve just tried to replicate throwing a clump of tissues at dh (purely for research purposes) and they didn’t even travel 6 inches.
No dh’s were hurt in this experiment. It’s impossible.
And op claims that not only did they hit her full in the face but that they really hurt.
Just strains credulity.

This. He sounds like a bully.

Like fuck was he concerned about the tissues falling in the footwell. If he was, he would have pulled over and picked them up. He wouldn't have bent down while driving, picked them up, screwed them up and chucked them in the OPs face, all of which is far more distracting and dangerous. It's absolutely nothing to do with him "panicking" or being terrified of crashing. If he was genuinely that panic stricken and furious over a tissue, I'd suggest he rethink driving because fuck knows how he would react when a real issue occurs.
MN never fails to shock me. The shite women put up with because they think they have to or it's normal is unreal. The fact that people think it's actually OK and justifiable to have anything chucked in your face out of anger or frustration is bonkers. It doesn't matter if it hurt or not. Then at home he's not only refusing to engage with his own children, but sulking and stropping about like a massive toddler. There's low standards and then there's LOW standards.

And the obvious thing to do is to grovel about in the footwell to pick whatever it is up so you can throw it forcefully at the person who provided them in the wrong way? It's not what I would do while I was driving.

Thanks for this riveting information, Mr Isaac Newton.

Just because your tissue didn’t go anywhere near your intended target - doesn’t mean the OP didn’t experience unpleasant and abusive behaviour from her husband.

Again, the bar is so so low. This thread is nuts.