Did I ruin family day out

[Prinajdjd]

DH, dc and I had just enjoyed a lovely meal and talking about future plans. We were on great terms and had a wonderful day. When we was driving home, we decided we didn’t want the day to end and would find something else to do. As we were driving DH asked for a tissue for his hands. I was distracted talking to dd and placed a handful of them gently on his knee. They fell down by his foot. He suddenly got angry saying “why would I do that? I should’ve placed them in his hand.” I apologised and said it wasn’t a big deal. He then picked them up, crumbled them together and when I looked in his direction threw them in my face hitting my eye. Even if it was meant playful (which it wasn’t due to the sheer amount of force and his tone prior to this), it really hurt my eye and I was upset about it. Dd even saw and demanded for daddy to apologise to mommy. I said instead I wanted to go home and he blamed me for ruining the day over something minor. It rubbed me wrong as he shouldn’t have thrown it at me at all, definitely not in front of kids and he shouldn’t have done it so hard. He keeps coming in the room and asking is this how I’m going to act- I say no I am no longer upset about this and if he apologises we can continue the day. He has stormed out now and refuses to help with dc. So confused and don’t see how this is my fault.

That was my first thought.

Potentially dangerous for a TISSUE to fall in the footwell 😂 so dangerous that he could bend and pick it up, ball it and throw it in the OPs face. He clearly wasn't that concerned.
He was an absolute tit. I'd be embarrassed for him to be honest. Chucking tissues, sulking and storming off, refusing to help with the kids, repeatedly coming in to find you and whinge. Immature and pathetic. Totally ignore him.

I think there's a massive difference between throwing a brick at someone's face and balled up tissue

Its sounds mad, but truthfully, as a child, about 8ish, I blamed God. When it 'started' I'd pray 'please God don't let them fall out' and if they did I'd think God was really mean. It was too nuanced to apportion blame and I didn't understand the dynamics properly, I'd just wish one of them would let it drop, and remember trying to intervene. If I was a child in your situation I'd have said "Mum didn't mean you to drop the tissues" and "Daddy didn't hurt you on purpose Mummy" etc.

I think it's very relevant as it suggests exaggeration and credibility.

If someone is being abusive, I'll always recommend leaving but we are getting one side if a story.

You may be correct this man is awful but I'm not seeing that from what has been posted.

I'm seeing a situation where both people reacted badly and didn't deal with things properly. That's why I asked for clarification.

Leave the bastard. I’m sick to my back teeth of men like this.

Spectacularly minimising with a liberal dose of victim blaming. No-one had to grovel anywhere. He could simply have asked for more. And are you really suggesting that his reaction was proportionate even to thinking OP had been careless in handing them over ?

Wow. A grown man asking for a tissue for his hands (why didn’t he wipe his hands before he started driving?) and getting upset that they fell off his knee.

This would seriously turn me off. What an absolute wet wipe!!!! (No pun intended).

Where did OP react badly ? She handed him tissues while dealing with their child and they dropped on the floor. He could simply have asked for more. Instead he balled them up and threw them at her. At the very least it’s bloody disrespectful and should never have happened - and certainly not in front of children. And her DS asking for an apology on her behalf speaks volumes. OP mentioned he’s argumentative and this could well be an escalation.

I agree - and they both managed to “ruin the day”. Driving is prime time for silly spats ime

His immediate reaction to the tissues was aggressive and nasty. He has anger issues. Then on top of that his treatment towards you once home was clear gaslighting and then on top of that to sulk and refuse to be with you and the kids as punishment shows him up to be emotionally abusive and immature. If this is the first time then have a chat when you are both calmer and just the two of you and explain it in simple terms. If he still refuses to understand he’s in the wrong then I would seriously think this is a sign to keep a wary eye on his behaviour from now on.

Yes. That’s what I am worried about. He says he would never hit me. I have once said due to his anger I was scared. He has a short fuse. Yes, his thrown tissue at me, could definitely be worst, but he did it out of anger. It’s left a bad taste in my mouth.

The fact you have been scared of him speaks volumes. I knew it wouldn't be just the one off tissue incident. You know him and you know how he makes you feel. I'm really sorry x

I can kinda see both sides of this. He was unreasonable to have a go at you for giving him tissues that he asked for just because they were given in a way he didn’t like. But perhaps the tissue throwing was supposed to lighten the mood, maybe he realised he’d been a dick and thought I know I’ll be funny and turn it playful but it back fired when it actually hurt you. Instead of apologising he got defensive which is a normal reaction when you feel guilty. You could just say “I know you didn’t mean to hurt me with the tissues, so I forgive you. I was still annoyed because I wanted an apology but didn’t get one. I think we should be showing our DD that even if we accidentally hurt someone it’s polite to apologise. This is not normally like us so let’s just move past it now.”
you can’t force him to apologise but I hope he does. I don’t think it’s domestic abuse considering this is the first time it’s happened and you’ve been together years, it sounds like an accident to me.

Sounds horrible. I hope you have healed from that awful situation. Thank you for sharing.

Nope. He's simply a bad tempered asshole.

How did OP react badly?

So next time he " reacts badly" and throws something in her face, hitting her eye and possibly causing serious damage or blinding her because the offending object is something heavier or sharp is that also OPs fault?

You don't see a man throwing an object into his wife's face as anything other than him " reacting badly"?

My goodness it really is a man's world isn't it?

It is hard to imagine that a balled up tissue could cause damage, but his burst of anger certainly has. That short fuse. You could tell him that even if he thinks it is nothing, it wasn't nothing to you and DD, and you want him to get some help managing his anger. If you're worried he will explode, do it in a public place or with a friend to support you, and definitely with no children present.

Kindly OP, plenty of abusive men say they would never hit their partners. First it’s just shouting. Manipulation. They may hit walls, doors, throw things in “anger”.

Then it happens. They hit, slap, push you. But they say “sorry” and “it will never happen again”.

Then it happens again.

And again.

A lot of the times it escalates so much that these abusive men seriously injure or murder their partners. You know the ones they promise they would never hit.

Please leave him. Get your children away from this nasty, volatile bully.

IME where there are anger control issues, these things can easily escalate to physical abuse, and for me, along with his behaviour in the aftermath, this would be a red flag. It may have only been a tissue this time, but next time it could be an open hand and then a fist. And from ‘l’d never hit you’ you gradually get to a point where it’s happening regularly and each time he’s saying it’ll never happen again. I would be looking at an exit strategy if he won’t address his anger issues.

Ordinary tissues which are actually pretty rough are not recommended for cleaning optical/camera lenses as they can scratch the surface, which btw is hard, unlike an eyeball. The scrunched up tissues made contact with her eyeball and would have possibly scratched the surface of the eye. It's pretty painful and can lead to infection. So for those of you insinuating that OP is making a fuss about nothing, she really isn't.

OP he behaved like a nasty fucker and I hope he recognises his shitty behaviour for what it was and apologises soon.

@Prinajdjd it seems so trivial to many but reading this really upset me and I needed a minute to gather myself to respond. I was in a relationship where things like this would constantly happen, they were small enough that making an issue about them would make me look petty and in the wrong but they were enough to change my behaviour and make me more compliant.

You're welcome. I should stress, that in my childhood, this was very frequent, I'd say around 50% of days out and occasions ended with one or other storming off, cutting the event short, then an atmosphere at home you could cut with a knife. "Are you coming down for dinner mum?" "Not until your father apologises" etc. If this is a one off out of character incident, then it's not the same. My point was really, keep an eye on it, because even if you get your apology the DC won't have their day back.

Anything in your eye would hurt.

His reaction following this says a lot. If he just said, ‘look, I was driving and worried that there was something in the footwell but I shouldn’t have reacted as I did’. Apologising to you and the dc. It would be over but instead he’s sulking.

I do understand the working nights and rarely getting to join family days out, it makes them even more valuable but even more reason not to behave like a child.

I agree otherwise pillow fights would be illegal.