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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I ruin family day out

282 replies

Prinajdjd · 27/04/2025 15:45

DH, dc and I had just enjoyed a lovely meal and talking about future plans. We were on great terms and had a wonderful day. When we was driving home, we decided we didn’t want the day to end and would find something else to do. As we were driving DH asked for a tissue for his hands. I was distracted talking to dd and placed a handful of them gently on his knee. They fell down by his foot. He suddenly got angry saying “why would I do that? I should’ve placed them in his hand.” I apologised and said it wasn’t a big deal. He then picked them up, crumbled them together and when I looked in his direction threw them in my face hitting my eye. Even if it was meant playful (which it wasn’t due to the sheer amount of force and his tone prior to this), it really hurt my eye and I was upset about it. Dd even saw and demanded for daddy to apologise to mommy. I said instead I wanted to go home and he blamed me for ruining the day over something minor. It rubbed me wrong as he shouldn’t have thrown it at me at all, definitely not in front of kids and he shouldn’t have done it so hard. He keeps coming in the room and asking is this how I’m going to act- I say no I am no longer upset about this and if he apologises we can continue the day. He has stormed out now and refuses to help with dc. So confused and don’t see how this is my fault.

OP posts:
Phoebepeeby · 27/04/2025 17:03

Also being argumentative on a regular basis to me would show that he can’t control his anger. Why should his outbursts be accepted by the family?

AmusedGoose · 27/04/2025 17:03

He was probably tired and stressed driving after a long day. He shouldn't have snapped but I think you are being dramatic over a tissue!

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 27/04/2025 17:03

To answer OP
ya both ruined the day out, amazing that a child knows better how to behave than the two of you.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 17:04

5128gap · 27/04/2025 16:59

You're welcome. I should stress, that in my childhood, this was very frequent, I'd say around 50% of days out and occasions ended with one or other storming off, cutting the event short, then an atmosphere at home you could cut with a knife. "Are you coming down for dinner mum?" "Not until your father apologises" etc. If this is a one off out of character incident, then it's not the same. My point was really, keep an eye on it, because even if you get your apology the DC won't have their day back.

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It’s not a one off out of character incident. OP says he is argumentative and has updated to say she’s worried because the incident came from a place of his anger. The DC getting their day back is the least of OP’s worries IMO.

WorriedOnion · 27/04/2025 17:04

DH, dc and I had just enjoyed a lovely meal and talking about future plans. We were on great terms and had a wonderful day.

Does he have form for spoiling happy days, either before or after them?

The behaviour is designed to have you wondering what the fuck just happened; remembering the day as being a bad one whilst wondering if it really was your fault and how can you please your husband and make sure it doesn't happen again. He will be angry and sulk for a while and then act like nothing happened - you'll start to relax and start trusting him again and enjoying his company. And then he'll do it again, just when you thought things were going to be okay and when you are least expecting it. If he gets away with crumpled up tissues you can rest assured that they'll be in the box next time. Or worse.

Listen to that bad taste in your mouth @Prinajdjd , it's trying to protect you and your child/ren.

JackieDaytonaLuckyBrews · 27/04/2025 17:04

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 16:56

IME where there are anger control issues, these things can easily escalate to physical abuse, and for me, along with his behaviour in the aftermath, this would be a red flag. It may have only been a tissue this time, but next time it could be an open hand and then a fist. And from ‘l’d never hit you’ you gradually get to a point where it’s happening regularly and each time he’s saying it’ll never happen again. I would be looking at an exit strategy if he won’t address his anger issues.

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Yes. From volunteering in a domestic abuse centre, this is where it starts for most. It doesn't go straight to physical punching and slapping and pushing around. It's a slow build. Sulking, whining, storming about, gaslighting, blaming. Never taking responsibility or apologising. Going from hot to cold in seconds, suddenly fury. The fact the OP has been fearful is so telling. NOBODY should be afraid of their partner. Male or female. If you are, it's time to go.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 17:05

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 27/04/2025 17:03

To answer OP
ya both ruined the day out, amazing that a child knows better how to behave than the two of you.

Did it escape your notice that the child was asking his dad to apologise to his mum ? Because the OP’s concerning updates have certainly passed you by.

NormasArse · 27/04/2025 17:06

He threw balled up tissues- he probably didn’t expect them to hurt you. I’ve voted YANBU, but I think you both overreacted.

Rhaidimiddim · 27/04/2025 17:06

Prinajdjd · 27/04/2025 15:48

Yes. I was so confused why he would do something so aggressive. He is argumentative but never violent.

Show quote history

So now you have an escalation to violence.
Typo edits

SamDeanCas · 27/04/2025 17:06

Such a complete over reaction on his behalf regarding some tissues on the floor

WorriedOnion · 27/04/2025 17:07

If the tissues hadn't fallen he would have found something else. It's not about the tissues.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 27/04/2025 17:08

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 17:05

Did it escape your notice that the child was asking his dad to apologise to his mum ? Because the OP’s concerning updates have certainly passed you by.

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I read them all and I think the hive mind is colluding with OP to make a minor spat into Mount Everest and we have passed the LTB point.

The OP is still sulking after angrily cancelling the rest of the day out because a tissue bounced off her face.

Mrsttcno1 · 27/04/2025 17:09

You both ruined the day.

I don’t know why you’d balance anything on the knee of a driver while they are driving, a tissue in the footwell can easily get tangled in the peddles or end up resting on a peddle which can be the difference between him being able to break or not which I’m sure you can see is very important for literally the lives of everybody in the car and everybody around you on the road. A tissue on the pedal could easily cause his foot to slip off when he tries to break. No idea why you’d put anything on a drivers knee and doesn’t sound like you’ve apologised for that?

He shouldn’t have had a go infront of the kids but I think you’re being a bit picky about the tissues, he didn’t throw a brick.

You both need to apologise.

TheWisePlumDuck · 27/04/2025 17:10

I genuinely can't imagine DH, even if he was in some hulk state if rage, ever throwing anything at my face.

I can however imagine his face if he saw a man doing that to his wife in front of children. But I bet your DH wouldn't ever do something like that in public.

OP you know this deep down, no good man would ever do that to you.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 17:10

WorriedOnion · 27/04/2025 17:07

If the tissues hadn't fallen he would have found something else. It's not about the tissues.

Yep. It’s absolutely not about the tissues. It beggars belief how many posters are focusing on this in attempts to minimise what is actually not only assault, but an escalation from anger control issues to physical abuse. OP has updated to suggest she fears him. Time to leave.

Maddy70 · 27/04/2025 17:11

If he was driving having something fall down by your feet is super dangerous. Be panicked. He didn't "hit" you with a "tissue" did he ?

Thisisittheapocalypse · 27/04/2025 17:15

Prinajdjd · 27/04/2025 16:10

I don’t understand how to two compare though. On the one hand, I placed tissues on his knee which accidentally fell. He purposefully scrunched them up and chucked then in my face after having a go at me in front of the kids. Would this classify as little in your marriage?

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This, right here, this.

This is not normal or reasonable behaviour. It is dangerous and abusive behaviour if he was driving a car (with children in it!) and he clearly upset his children, too, while he was having an unreasonable rant.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 27/04/2025 17:15

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 17:10

Yep. It’s absolutely not about the tissues. It beggars belief how many posters are focusing on this in attempts to minimise what is actually not only assault, but an escalation from anger control issues to physical abuse. OP has updated to suggest she fears him. Time to leave.

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Assault with a tissue!! 😂

This is starting to sound like a Monty Python skit. What’s next the comfy chair?

ams1210 · 27/04/2025 17:16

Complete overreaction from you to be honest. What you did was dangerous whilst driving . In that moment it is annoying and worrying its by your foot by driving!. Had god forbid there would of been accident then what? It would of been your fault as you placed the tissue on his knee but im sure you would of blamed him ?.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 17:16

Mrsttcno1 · 27/04/2025 17:09

You both ruined the day.

I don’t know why you’d balance anything on the knee of a driver while they are driving, a tissue in the footwell can easily get tangled in the peddles or end up resting on a peddle which can be the difference between him being able to break or not which I’m sure you can see is very important for literally the lives of everybody in the car and everybody around you on the road. A tissue on the pedal could easily cause his foot to slip off when he tries to break. No idea why you’d put anything on a drivers knee and doesn’t sound like you’ve apologised for that?

He shouldn’t have had a go infront of the kids but I think you’re being a bit picky about the tissues, he didn’t throw a brick.

You both need to apologise.

What a load of victim blaming codswallop !! OP doesn’t need to apologise for anything. She was dealing with her child at the same time and placed them on his knee. When they slipped he could simply have asked for more. Instead he chose to physically assault and humiliate the OP in front of their children.

OP has updated to say she’s worried because the incident represents an escalation in his anger control issues. She clearly fears him. So it might just as well have been a brick as a tissue for the amount of damage inflicted on the relationship.

Cornishclio · 27/04/2025 17:17

He should not throw anything at you. When he is calm tell him that is not acceptable and he needs to work on his anger issues. Surely he should have either wiped his hands before driving or just ask you for more tissues. This would be a red flag as you say he has lost his temper before. Scaring his wife and children is not ok.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 27/04/2025 17:18

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 17:16

What a load of victim blaming codswallop !! OP doesn’t need to apologise for anything. She was dealing with her child at the same time and placed them on his knee. When they slipped he could simply have asked for more. Instead he chose to physically assault and humiliate the OP in front of their children.

OP has updated to say she’s worried because the incident represents an escalation in his anger control issues. She clearly fears him. So it might just as well have been a brick as a tissue for the amount of damage inflicted on the relationship.

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office wars GIF

Physically assault…..with a tissue.. omg the hyperbole is lunar. They had a spat in the car that’s it.

Rhaidimiddim · 27/04/2025 17:19

Prinajdjd · 27/04/2025 16:51

Yes. That’s what I am worried about. He says he would never hit me. I have once said due to his anger I was scared. He has a short fuse. Yes, his thrown tissue at me, could definitely be worst, but he did it out of anger. It’s left a bad taste in my mouth.

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He says he will never hit you. (My DH has never said this to me - it is a given.)

Until he "swats" his hand accidentally in your direction and your face gets in the way. Then he will deny that he hit you.

If he gets away with that, it will be the slap you had coming, and it will be your fault, as with the current tissue issue.

He threw something at you, aggressively, for ( in my opinion) a manufactured slight, making it your fault that he got physical. And now he's refusing to help with the children FFS, andis saying it's all your fault.

He's testing the water and escalating.

Evilspiritgin · 27/04/2025 17:20

I can’t get over the fact he was able to bend down and pick up said tissues while driving with a seatbelt on, if I drop anything it stays there until I stop

KilkennyCats · 27/04/2025 17:21

It all sounds toxic, but how on
earth could a few tissues have really hurt your eye?
It’s hard to take any of this nonsense seriously.