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Original poster

Did I ruin family day out

282 replies

Prinajdjd · 27/04/2025 15:45

DH, dc and I had just enjoyed a lovely meal and talking about future plans. We were on great terms and had a wonderful day. When we was driving home, we decided we didn’t want the day to end and would find something else to do. As we were driving DH asked for a tissue for his hands. I was distracted talking to dd and placed a handful of them gently on his knee. They fell down by his foot. He suddenly got angry saying “why would I do that? I should’ve placed them in his hand.” I apologised and said it wasn’t a big deal. He then picked them up, crumbled them together and when I looked in his direction threw them in my face hitting my eye. Even if it was meant playful (which it wasn’t due to the sheer amount of force and his tone prior to this), it really hurt my eye and I was upset about it. Dd even saw and demanded for daddy to apologise to mommy. I said instead I wanted to go home and he blamed me for ruining the day over something minor. It rubbed me wrong as he shouldn’t have thrown it at me at all, definitely not in front of kids and he shouldn’t have done it so hard. He keeps coming in the room and asking is this how I’m going to act- I say no I am no longer upset about this and if he apologises we can continue the day. He has stormed out now and refuses to help with dc. So confused and don’t see how this is my fault.

OP posts:
Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 17:47

KilkennyCats · 27/04/2025 17:30

Ahh. That’s that then. That makes his behaviour acceptable. He could have caved her skull in with a brick - but it’s okay everyone!!!! It was just a tissue.
I don’t know what the sarky snark is all about. It literally was just a tissue (which somehow managed to nearly take op’s eye out. As if…)
What’s your point?

The point has been made several times, but here it is again for those at the back and the hard of understanding.

DH has anger control issues. OP describes him as on a short fuse. She also updates that she’s worried because the incident came from a place of anger and considers it an escalation of previously concerning behaviour.

This was a minor incident and an accident. His response was to physically abuse OP in front of their children, and to continue to blame her long after they got home. He expects her to apologise to him, despite his abusive behaviour. That suggests a narcissist.

For those of us familiar with how DV starts this is escalation and a red flag. Similar to OP’s case, it starts with ‘l’d never hit you’. The next step is a slap he deems as ‘deserved’. Then a punch. And systematically you get to the stage where each beating is accompanied with an assurance that it will never happen again.

The sarky snark is all about the lack of understanding that these situations escalate slowly, and the failure to appreciate that it doesn’t matter whether it’s a brick or a tissue. The important point is that it’s a escalation.

SoMauveMonty · 27/04/2025 17:47

Mrsttcno1 · 27/04/2025 17:35

Are you really this stupid, or just pretending?

Tissues wrapped round a pedal could have prevented the driver being able to brake when needed, your foot can EASILY slip off when something is in the way of the pedal, that’s exactly why it is imperative to have NOTHING in the footwell to create such an obstruction. A tissue is exactly the right material to lay on a pedal and mean when you need to break your foot slips. That can easily then cause a multi car crash, injuring or killing not only everyone in the car but also those in the surrounding cars. That is fucking horrific, that should give you fucking goosebumps.

Show quote history

He picked up the tissues with no difficulty. He could have then just stuffed them in a cup holder or door pocket, out of the way. Instead he screwed them up & lobbed them at his wife. He chose to do that.

From OPs updates his anger is an issue, and she's worried about the potential for a next time, when he's holding something harder or sharper.

I don't blame her. My ex went from shouting loudly, to throwing things around, to physical violence. It can start with something seemingly trivial and escalate. If he didn't mean to hurt her, why hasn't he said sorry?

GabriellaMontez · 27/04/2025 17:47

Mrsttcno1 · 27/04/2025 17:32

I mean that tissue could have laid on the pedal, prevented him being able to brake when needed and been the cause of a multiple car crash, injuring or even killing every single person in that car plus other cars around them.

But yes, throwing a tissue put them all in far more danger than that???

Get real please

Show quote history

Ive never read anything so fucking ridiculous.

You missed "bystanders and their pets" off the list.

BlackCatsForever · 27/04/2025 17:51

I regularly do stupid stuff and my DH has never lost his temper and blown up at me, not ever. If I did something like this he would probably say something like “D’oh, what did you do that for?” And I would say “Oops, sorry, here you are.” End of story.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 27/04/2025 17:51

faerietales · 27/04/2025 15:57

Maybe he panicked about them being down near the pedals while he was trying to concentrate on the road. If his foot had slipped on them he could have caused an accident.

Not an excuse to throw them at you but it all seems like a lot of drama over not very much at all, really.

I don't think she's making a drama about it.

Having snapped at her
He threw them at her and it hit her in the eye.
Even her DS said he should apologise
Then he later accused her of ruining the day out.
He is the one that ruined the day out.

He was aggressive

Shinyandnew1 · 27/04/2025 17:52

We were on great terms

That's an odd thing to write. Are you not normally?

Presumably you have known this man for a long time-long enough to marry, have a baby who has grown up and can talk. Has he done things like this before? How well do you get on normally? Is he unhappy/stressed?

Rhaidimiddim · 27/04/2025 17:52

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 17:16

What a load of victim blaming codswallop !! OP doesn’t need to apologise for anything. She was dealing with her child at the same time and placed them on his knee. When they slipped he could simply have asked for more. Instead he chose to physically assault and humiliate the OP in front of their children.

OP has updated to say she’s worried because the incident represents an escalation in his anger control issues. She clearly fears him. So it might just as well have been a brick as a tissue for the amount of damage inflicted on the relationship.

Edited
Show quote history

I agree 100%.
OP has nothing to apologise for. And, atvthis point in the development of thecrelationship, needs to refuse to accept blame for this man's inabilitynto vontrol him temper ( or even recognise that he needs to).

ams1210 · 27/04/2025 17:52

People are saying this thread is nuts! I think they are nuts by minimising the accident that could of god forbid could of taken place so why are you minimising the OP's actions?? Easy to bash the husband even though he was driving in charge of a vehicle with 3 passengers but yes blame him!

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 17:53

Mrsttcno1 · 27/04/2025 17:24

It’s not about him needing more tissues, it’s about the fact that ANYTHING in the footwell of a car being driven poses a huge risk of a crash.

Show quote history

Nope. Wrong again. It’s about him thinking that balling up those tissues and angrily throwing them at OP with force in front of their children was an acceptable way to respond. It’s also about other women here thinking that this is an acceptable way for any man to treat any woman. You need to raise your bar.

KilkennyCats · 27/04/2025 17:55

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 17:47

The point has been made several times, but here it is again for those at the back and the hard of understanding.

DH has anger control issues. OP describes him as on a short fuse. She also updates that she’s worried because the incident came from a place of anger and considers it an escalation of previously concerning behaviour.

This was a minor incident and an accident. His response was to physically abuse OP in front of their children, and to continue to blame her long after they got home. He expects her to apologise to him, despite his abusive behaviour. That suggests a narcissist.

For those of us familiar with how DV starts this is escalation and a red flag. Similar to OP’s case, it starts with ‘l’d never hit you’. The next step is a slap he deems as ‘deserved’. Then a punch. And systematically you get to the stage where each beating is accompanied with an assurance that it will never happen again.

The sarky snark is all about the lack of understanding that these situations escalate slowly, and the failure to appreciate that it doesn’t matter whether it’s a brick or a tissue. The important point is that it’s a escalation.

Show quote history

Fine.
My point was that op lost all credibility when she claimed to have been really hurt by a bunch of tissues rendering the whole tale quite dubious.
I wonder what an impartial observer (which op certainly isn’t) would have made of it?

ThatGreatMember · 27/04/2025 17:55

MagicStarMama · 27/04/2025 16:04

Alarm bells ring when men blow up over minor things.

Alarms bells rang for me right at the start when OP said 'they were all on good terms'. Who says that in a healthy relationship?

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 17:56

ams1210 · 27/04/2025 17:52

People are saying this thread is nuts! I think they are nuts by minimising the accident that could of god forbid could of taken place so why are you minimising the OP's actions?? Easy to bash the husband even though he was driving in charge of a vehicle with 3 passengers but yes blame him!

It was an accident. She was distracted dealing with her DS. No one is minimising the danger. What’s disgusting here is that some women clearly have their bar set so low that they think this is an acceptable way for any man, let alone one with anger management issues, to behave towards any woman.

CalleOcho · 27/04/2025 17:57

ams1210 · 27/04/2025 17:52

People are saying this thread is nuts! I think they are nuts by minimising the accident that could of god forbid could of taken place so why are you minimising the OP's actions?? Easy to bash the husband even though he was driving in charge of a vehicle with 3 passengers but yes blame him!

why are you minimising the OP's actions??

Because she didn’t intend for the tissues to end up in the footwell, being a potential danger for a all involved. She probably assumed that her husband would immediately pick up said tissues from his lap.

Easy to bash the husband

Yes it’s incredibly easy to bash an angry little man child who could have safely pulled over to retrieve the tissues, but instead he chose to be nasty and aggressive to his wife in front of his young child.

His anger (which would have changed the manner of his driving) would be more of a risk of crashing than a tissue in the footwell.

Still not getting it?

Megifer · 27/04/2025 17:57

Mrsttcno1 · 27/04/2025 17:35

Are you really this stupid, or just pretending?

Tissues wrapped round a pedal could have prevented the driver being able to brake when needed, your foot can EASILY slip off when something is in the way of the pedal, that’s exactly why it is imperative to have NOTHING in the footwell to create such an obstruction. A tissue is exactly the right material to lay on a pedal and mean when you need to break your foot slips. That can easily then cause a multi car crash, injuring or killing not only everyone in the car but also those in the surrounding cars. That is fucking horrific, that should give you fucking goosebumps.

Show quote history

Please can you do more posts like these?

Maybe include how OP could have caused a motorway pile up because the DH's hands were so sweaty, if only he had a tissue passed to him efficiently to soak up the slippery moisture etc.

And maybe go into detail re: how it would be possible for 2 ply to wrap itself around the pedals preventing them from being operated properly instead of just ripping or simply falling off.

Oooh could the air con maybe have swirled the tissues around the car like Crystal Maze tokens and one could have flew into his surprised open mouth and choked him?? 🤔

And a really far fetched detailed reason why him wiping his hands, him leaning down, bunching up tissues and looking at someone to throw them - all while driving - were absolutely fine and not risky at all.

Ideally sentences starting with "what if" or "what about".

Please?? 🙏

FiveBarGate · 27/04/2025 17:58

If this ball of tissues was substantial enough to hurt your eye then it was also substantial enough to cause an accident getting caught beneath the pedals.

Most likely you all over reacted. You did something stupid, so did he. But then you made a massive deal out of his and not sure you can have it all ways.

He shouldn't have reacted the way he did but I can understand a bit of panic. It's not good being distracted like that while driving.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 17:58

KilkennyCats · 27/04/2025 17:55

Fine.
My point was that op lost all credibility when she claimed to have been really hurt by a bunch of tissues rendering the whole tale quite dubious.
I wonder what an impartial observer (which op certainly isn’t) would have made of it?

Show quote history

Well the child was an observer and it prompted him to demand an apology on behalf of his mum. And balled up tissues thrown with force at someone in close proximity can hurt if they land on an open eye.

KnewYearKnewMe · 27/04/2025 17:58

Sounds like a very unpleasant and an unnecessarily angry response from him, OP.

and now he is ‘punishing’ you by refusing to ‘help’ with his children. Jeez… he’s not a prize husband or father, is he 😥😥😥

whether the tissues did or did not hurt (I’m sure they could have) - getting so irrationally angry about something and nothing is not a good sign at all.

was he looking for a reason to get cross ?

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 18:01

FiveBarGate · 27/04/2025 17:58

If this ball of tissues was substantial enough to hurt your eye then it was also substantial enough to cause an accident getting caught beneath the pedals.

Most likely you all over reacted. You did something stupid, so did he. But then you made a massive deal out of his and not sure you can have it all ways.

He shouldn't have reacted the way he did but I can understand a bit of panic. It's not good being distracted like that while driving.

It wasn’t a ball of tissues when it was under the pedals. It only became a ball of tissues when DH rolled them up and threw them at his wife. Having retrieved them from the floor. All while driving. HTH

Rhaidimiddim · 27/04/2025 18:01

CalleOcho · 27/04/2025 17:27

“He didn’t throw a brick”

Ahh. That’s that then. That makes his behaviour acceptable. He could have caved her skull in with a brick - but it’s okay everyone!!!! It was just a tissue.

Poor bloke. How horrific that a couple of tissues could have wrapped around the car pedals. Doesn’t bear thinking about, does it? I’ve got goosebumps just thinking of the tragedy this poor man could have experienced by these tissues in his footwell.

Of course his wife who has been treated appallingly by him should apologise. What a stupid woman for even thinking of placing a tissue on his knee.

🙄🙄🙄

Show quote history

Yeah, she didn't hand them to him respectfully so what's a chap to do/s.

If it had been, let's say, his sunglasses case or a bottle of water and he'd lobbed that back at her - well, it's still not a brick, she's still a disrespectful frau, and they are both equally to blame?!

Dear God, on MN in 2025!

Catrionablocke · 27/04/2025 18:01

How can a tissue hurt your eye?

KilkennyCats · 27/04/2025 18:02

Catrionablocke · 27/04/2025 18:01

How can a tissue hurt your eye?

When it’s wrapped round a brick, maybe?

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 18:03

Catrionablocke · 27/04/2025 18:01

How can a tissue hurt your eye?

Rolled up and angrily hurled at someone in close proximity ? And hitting them in the eye ? What do you think ?

Rhaidimiddim · 27/04/2025 18:03

KilkennyCats · 27/04/2025 17:30

Ahh. That’s that then. That makes his behaviour acceptable. He could have caved her skull in with a brick - but it’s okay everyone!!!! It was just a tissue.
I don’t know what the sarky snark is all about. It literally was just a tissue (which somehow managed to nearly take op’s eye out. As if…)
What’s your point?

The message, not the medium, is the important thimg here.
And have you missed that he is now refusing to "help" with the children?

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 27/04/2025 18:03

KilkennyCats · 27/04/2025 18:02

When it’s wrapped round a brick, maybe?

Show quote history

Give it time.

ams1210 · 27/04/2025 18:03

@CalleOcho Do you not get it?!

What if there was not nowhere safe to pull over a do so ay?? Surely you have though of this before again minimising the OPs action she would of been arrested of God forbid something happend!

As for being distracted by DS she should of sorted either 1 first not both honestly