Husband won’t rearrange his holiday

[ThisPearlCritic]

My best friend and I had planned a big holiday with 8 of our close friends in the summer to celebrate a number of significant events.

Unfortunately, the only time that is convenient for all of my friends is during the same week that my husband is going away. He could move his holiday forward or backward to accommodate me but has refused, and has become very insistent that he won’t move his dates because he booked his holiday first.

For context, my husband had tickets to very important event, which he has booked years in advanced with his friends, but at the last minute he couldn’t go because my best friend (who I am going on holiday with) had a family emergency and needed my support, and my husband had to remain and look after the children (3 from 3 - 9).

My husband keeps pointing to this and has made it clear it’s my turn to rearrange my holiday. However, he’s effectively asking 9 busy women, with careers and families, to rearrange their summer plans and that’s going to be impossible. I feel he is being intentionally difficult and doing this on purpose, whilst my friend had an unforeseen emergency.

This disagreement has seeped into other areas of my life and we are constantly squabbling and arguing. I am worried where this might lead.
AIBU to ask him to rearrange his leave.

Yes, you are. And you are practically yelling that your friends are more important than him. Again.

He has plans, he's already rearranged something really important to him to accommodate your friend.

You're in CF territory.

How? There is no impact to him if he goes a week earlier or later.

I think you are being very unreasonable.

You prioritised your friend over him making him miss his long booked holiday and an important event because she needed support.

You are now prioritising you and your friends over him again. Maybe you have to miss this holiday if your friends can’t do a different date, like he missed his.

He sounds quite vindictive OP.

I don't think you are being unreasonable if the holiday he currently has booked isn't for another specific event and moving it doesn't inconvenience anyone else he is planning to holiday with.

Depends on what the alleged very important event was for me to judge.

But the week that is convenient for your friends is not convenient for you (because DH is away)
So is there another week that would work but one of your friends has to ask their DP to change something? Why is it you and your DH who has to change?
Alternatively get a relative to come and mind the kids for a week instead and you both go on your separate hols

I agree with this. Surely he's not going away alone so why should his friends rearrange when yours won't.

Not his problem to solve, you’re being very unreasonable. His is booked, sort yourself out WITHOUT requiring him to change!

You haven't booked anything yet though, right? So you and your friends could all review your calendars again. Maybe someone else has something on that could actually be moved. I can see why he's annoyed that it always seems to be him expected to give up his plans.

You should have vetoed that date as your husband was already booked. In the same way they have obviously vetoed other dates. Let one of them rearrange.

It’s not convenient for all of you because you’re not free that week 🤷🏼‍♀️

You’re wrong, and maybe you should start thinking of your husband’s needs and putting him first instead of your mates.

You agreed to a week with your friends when you knew you weren’t available that week. You’ve already made him cancel a holiday as you wanted to spend time with a friend, you don’t get to do that twice.

When dates were being discussed with your friends, did you not say ‘I am unavailable for X dates’?

Presumably there are other dates when all but one or two of them can come? Why can’t one (or two) of the other women rearrange what they’ve got on, so they can come on dates when you are available? Why does the buck stop with your DH?

Is this going to be yet another thread where the OP is so convinced they're in the right that they're not interested in an alternative point of view?

And yes, you're being unreasonable. Why should he have to change his plans again when your choice to prioritise your friend caused him significant inconvenience before?

Sorry I do actually think if his was booked first then YABU.

Also he missed an event he planned years in advance because your friend needed your support? Also unreasonable sorry.

All I took from this was you are prioritising your friend(s) again over your husband and you feel hard done by...🤷🏼‍♀️

He has already accommodated your friend by stepping up when asked and lost his holiday with his friends.

Your turn I'm afraid to give a little. He's not asking "9 busy women" to rearrange he's asking his wife, but you think he's the one being "intentionally difficult"....

I think you are now teetering on the edge of being a CF here.

He's already booked. You cant go that week.

You either miss out or your friends find another week.

The End.

9 very busy, career women...

What does that make him? A lazy layabout who should shut up and be inconvenienced every time tour friends have plans?

Who is he going with? Not that it matters. He's booked so you're not available so that date shouldn't have been in the mix

YABU. Your DH had previously lost out because of your friends emergency so I can see why he'd dig his heels in on this. You may be 'one of a party of very busy mums' 🙄but I imagine he's fed up of playing second fiddle to your more important friends.

That week isn't convenient for everyone though because you can't go.

Are you a people pleaser? Why would you agree a date that doesn't work for you, if others are presumably happy to veto dates that do not work for them? Why would it be your family, of 9 busy women, who has to rearrange what is something fairly significant - a holiday, to accommodate everyone else? If your friends expect this of you, they are being unreasonable. Presumably there are other dates where one or two of the group had things on - are those things easier to move for them than a holiday? Lastly, if this trip is so important for 9 of you, it would have been a good idea to schedule it sooner, before clashing commitments became an issue. I have a fairly flexible husband but would not expect him to do this, even if the actual inconvenience to him was minimal.

The impact is his choices and life being taken over yet again by you and your friends. That he is less important. I actually cannot believe you make him give up something that was clearly a big deal because your friend needed “support.” She has family and other friends, you could have managed to support her while looking after your kids but he lost out on something important, and he actually went along with it. He did that… for you. And look at how you treat him and his plans and his life. Just make him changes it yet again. Stop it. It’s gives and take, not just take.

You’re not all free that week though as you can’t go. YABU.